Orlando Bloom and Miranda Kerr are in Australia today, and she’s in a bikini drinking champagne in a hot tub with some other random girls who are also in bikinis, and he’s holding a naked babies penis up to his face. He must really really like that babies penis.
The Victorias Secret fashion show was held last night in New York and, among other things, Miranda Kerr wore a diamond encrusted bra valued at 2.5 million dollars. It was the most elaborate way anyone could think of to tell the Occupy Wall Street hippies to fuck off.
(image source = wenn and getty. more fashion show pics to come)
MIRANDA KERR – posted the first picture of her son Flynn, presumably taken by her husband Orlando Bloom, and as you can see it was while he was sucking on one of her perky little tits. Which means he’s 2 weeks old and his life has probably peaked. (kora organics)
BRUCE WILLIS – was a pain in the ass to work with on Cop Out, according to director Kevin Smith. “I had no fucking help from this dude whatsoever.” And yet that movie totally worked, on every level, a modern masterpiece. The creative process sure is a mystery. (filmdrunk)
HALLE BERRY – is supposedly on good terms with her ex Gabriel Aubry, who is also the father of her 2yo daughter, but yesterday he filed for custody, setting up a potential tug-of-war with their child. Not a literal tug-of-war with their child of course, though that would be way more exciting. (e!)
ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER – is ready to return to acting, perhaps playing a Nazi commander who refuses to execute POW’s at the end of WWII in With Wings As Eagles. Or perhaps playing something else, in a different movie. What am I, psychic? (fox)
RICKY GERVAIS – will not be hosting the Golden Globes again next year, saying he feels twice is enough. Which is how I now feel about watching the Golden Globes. (yahoo)
ORLANDO BLOOM AND MIRANDA KERR – had a boy. And I bet that handsome bastard has already gotten more pussy than I have this year. (us)
LINDSAY LOHAN – has been handed a $135,000 Range Rover Onyx, to borrow “for an undisclosed length of time”, by a Beverly Hills dealer. The plan of course is for people to see Lindsay driving the car and then go see them and say, “I want one of those cars like the one Lindsay wrecked.” (radar)
PETRA NEMCOVA – is engaged, 6 years after her last fiance died in the 2004 Thailand tsunami. I’m sure that wasn’t her fault, but I would still go somewhere like Omaha for a honeymoon. They have a lovely zoo. (daily mail)
JANE KRAKOWSKI – is pregnant. Ewwww. Everything about this story is gross. (people)
JWOWW – says she was under anesthesia when her ex took naked pictures of her. Ahhh yes, the old twilight trick. Another good one is to make them think you’ve taken a loved one as a hostage. (hollywood life)
About 5 months ago, Miranda Kerr looked in the mirror ago and thought, “gosh, instead of looking really hot, wouldn’t it be great to look like complete hell. And to have some parasite living inside me and feeding off me, like in that movie Alien.” And so she got pregnant.
Luckily, before doing that, she took off all her clothes and walked around a beach and let someone take pictures of it. So you can either be a little girl and go read a book like some fag, or you can click RIGHT HERE, and begin an erotic journey to an oasis of carnal delights.
MIRANDA KERR – has confirmed the rumor that she’s pregnant. (popeater)
* don’t I know it, heh-heh-heh *
WYCLEF JEAN – is not on the list of candidates for Haitis presidential election, perhaps because he did not meet residency requirements (he was born in Haiti but left when he was 9 and grew up in New York). It’s Haitis loss. What if they need a mixtape, where will they find the freshest new beats? Not in the Presidential palace, I can tell you that. (nydn)
PARIS HILTON – Threw a hissyfit at a party in Vegas because Kim Kardashian (whose first hint of fame came when Paris would bring her to red carpet events) was flown in on a private jet, while Paris had to pay her own way. She was also jealous bc Kim is way more popular now, and has more high profile boyfriends. Turns out guys don’t like it when your vagina secretes a deadly toxin. Surprising but true! (us)
KIM KARDASHIAN – was at the Season 5 premiere of ‘Keeping up with the Kardashians’ last night, and to class things up they also invited whoever the hell Josie Stevens is. She wore a dress that hugged her unique shape and a little pilots cap, probably bc she had to fly right back home to Whore Island. (splash, wenn)