Orlando Bloom and Miranda Kerr got married

By brendon July 23, 2010 @ 11:24 AM

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Victorias Secret supermodel Miranda Kerr (seen here during a shoot in the Caribbean last July) and Orlando Bloom (image not available) have been dating since 2007, but they’ve always stayed out of the spotlight. In fact it was only last month when word leaked that they were engaged.

Now it turns out they’re already on their honeymoon, and the only reason anyone even knows that is because Kerr had to release a statement to explain why she would be missing scheduled appearances for the Australian department store David Jones. Here (via People) is how they announced to the world that they got married.

“David Jones very graciously released me during this period so we could celebrate an intimate ceremony and honeymoon together.”

It’s nice to occasionally see even one celebrity who isn’t completely fucking crazy, and absolutely delightful to see a celebrity couple who isn’t crazy. In honor of this, after the jump are those pictures of Mirandas tits. It’s maybe not entirely appropriate, but I really like looking at girls tits, as it turns out.

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monday afternoon headlines

By brendon June 21, 2010 @ 7:04 PM

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PAGET BREWSTER – is the best comedic actress in Hollywood (and she does amazing impressions of black people), so I’m selfishly happy that CBS is run by fumbling idiots who plan on essentially firing the entire female cast of ‘Criminal Minds’, despite the overwhelming objections (1, 2) from the shows fans (“the fans can suck my dick”, replied CBS while pointing at its crotch). Hopefully now she’ll go back to comedy. I also like it when disaster strikes and I can buy stocks like BP real cheap. I’m all about me! It’s time to start looking out for number 1, baby! (jezebel)

ORLANDO BLOOM AND MIRANDA KERR – are engaged. If they start a family the kids would be like someone genetically engineered a human being solely for me to be completely, 100 percent indifferent to. (la times)

HOW TO GROW BUD – has pictures of girls in bikinis getting high. I don’t personally smoke, but I do like telling the government to go fuck themselves, and I do like girls who are mostly naked and easily talked into things. This is a great website. (htgb)

DAVE BATISTA - is this guy, and he may or may not be following Brock Lesnar and going from WWE to MMA. TMZ says he is but the promotion he allegedly signed with says it’s not true. I don’t know what this has to do with celebrity gossip btw, but I’m the only one who works here, and I gotta post somethin. Tomorrow be sure to check out my recipe for Raisin Roundies! My secret is a pinch of cinnamon! (mma frenzy)

ANGELINA JOLIE - is in Haiti today as part of her UN tour, but you’ll have to take Es word for it because this picture isn’t labeled. Where’s Angie, which one is Angie? E! needs to get their shit together. (e!)

SALMA HAYEK – will be on Letterman tonight, where she’ll discuss married life, her baby, and upcoming projects while Dave pretends not to stare at her tits. (splash)

TWITTER …. FACEBOOK …. TODAYS FORECAST: WACKING OFF

Now this is more like it

By brendon March 25, 2010 @ 4:05 PM

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Victoria’s Secret supermodels Miranda Kerr and Candice Swanepoel were at the SLS Hotel in LA today to mark the 15th anniversary of the VS swimsuit catalog, but the star of the show was Alessandra Ambrosio, who is so insanely hot it doesn’t even matter that she’s flat chested. Girls don’t have to have huge breasts as long as their super hot and skinny. Like Alessandra. I think I can see her heart beating. OK maybe 5 pounds wouldn’t kill her.

(image source = splash news online)

miranda kerr > haiti

By brendon January 26, 2010 @ 3:29 PM

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There’s a lot of talk these days about the people of Haiti and how we need to help them, but these pictures may blow the lid off that scam. Miranda Kerr is on a Caribbean island just like the people of Haiti are, and just like them she barely has any clothes, but you don’t see her complaining. She’s making the best of it. Looks like Haiti has a lot of growing up to do.

(source = inf daily and fame)

miranda kerr is a good model

By brendon January 26, 2010 @ 11:32 AM

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Miranda Kerr is in St Barths to shoot for Victorias Secret this week, and it’s easy to see why she’s such a high paid model. She doesn’t have huge breasts like girls are supposed to, but instead of getting implants or suicide, she bends over a lot with her ass out. It’s no substitute for D’s, but it’s a manageable compromise. She just has to agree to keep her hair long. If I wanted to see short hair and a flat chest in a bikini I would go to pride week.

(source = inf daily and fame)

somethin’ for the ladies…

By brendon January 04, 2010 @ 3:46 AM

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Oh that’s weird. I saved a picture of Orlando Bloom walking around a yacht with no shirt on as the banner picture but instead my computer posted a picture of Miranda Kerrs ass. My computer must be homophobic. That’s the thing about machines, they can’t be taught to open their hearts.

(source = inf daily and fame)