By Lex June 25, 2013 @ 3:39 PM
I remember the day I up and decided I was leaving home. My parents, friends, the whole neighborhood. They all said I’d never make it out on my own. Since I was 27, this was pretty fucking sad. But the point is. I did make it. And without having to do ‘anal on the streets’, like my Uncle Zol had predicted. It’s scary leaving familiar settings. Forging your own path. I was kind of like Miranda Kerr leaving Victoria’s Secret. Only she left with fifteen million in her pocket and a contract to make even more elsewhere. So nothing at all like Miranda Kerr. Or like any guy who will ever sleep with Miranda Kerr. More like a moderately to low-moderately successful tie salesman. Which was a far worse outcome than doing anal on the streets.
Here’s Miranda Kerr in Edit magazine. She’s not a bad looking woman.
Photo Credit: Edit Magazine
By Travis June 05, 2013 @ 9:00 AM
Ever since she was allegedly dumped by Victoria’s Secret for being an expensive diva, Miranda Kerr has had to find other things to do with her time, including making Fox & Friends the most important talk show for the first time in its history. Before she made her appearance yesterday, though, Miranda was sweet enough to bring her skintight pink dress outside to sign autographs for her fans, and TMZ asked her a very important question – “Who is your girl crush?”
Miranda said Angelina Jolie, which is kind of vanilla, because she could and should have said, “It’s Erin Heatherton and she just happens to be right here” and then they could have 69’d during her afternoon appearance at The Gillette Venus Step Up & Step Out Summer Tour. That probably would have sold a few razors.
(Photo Credits: Getty)
By Lex May 16, 2013 @ 3:39 PM
I once got some wise advice. Never ask for a raise unless you can afford to be fired. I don’t think that’s universal advice. I think it was geared at a guy like me with few appreciable job skills. Miranda Kerr has no such hurdle. So she asked Victoria’s Secret for a raise and they fired her basically. And then she had to wait an entire spa day before somebody else paid her big bucks to put on another swimsuit. I think if I were a woman, I’d want to be a particularly attractive one. There seem to be perks.
Photo Credit: INF
By Travis May 09, 2013 @ 9:00 AM
Back in March, Victoria’s Secret made the decision not to renew Miranda Kerr’s contract as an Angel amid rumors that the supermodel was a bit of a diva behind-the-scenes. On top of that, it was reported that she wasn’t even the company’s top draw, so she just wasn’t worth the headache. Ultimately, both parties said the right things, hugged and parted ways, as Victoria’s Secret went back to creating 19-year old goddesses in a laboratory and Miranda just became plain, old Mrs. Orlando Bloom.
But she’s not done reminding us that she’s one of the hottest women on the planet – not Miley Cyrus hot, obviously – as she Tweeted the above picture on Wednesday. Although, if you think about it, she’s really just an unemployed mother of one Tweeting tit pics now, so it won’t be long before she’s launching her own fake sex tape.
By Travis March 18, 2013 @ 11:00 AM
Victoria’s Secret super model Miranda Kerr, who is featured on the cover of this month’s Australian Vogue, was injured in a car accident in Los Angeles last week, as her vehicle was reportedly struck by another car, leaving the 29-year old mother of one with some lingering injuries. Fortunately, her caring husband Orlando Bloom was able to take a break from LARPing long enough to give her the care and attention that she desperately needs.
Miranda’s Sydney-based spokesperson Annie Kelly told Australia’s 9 News: ‘She is in a lot of pain, but really we are just glad it was not more serious.’
And Miranda is now being looked after at home by her British actor husband Orlando Bloom, who is also taking care of the pair’s two-year-old son Flynn.
Kelly added: ‘He’s taking very good care of her. He’s an amazing husband. Luckily, Flynn wasn’t in the car.’ (Daily Mail)
Even more luckily, Kerr was able to get back to work right away and continue posting pictures of her cleavage, like the one above, to her Twitter for her adoring fans. You know, it’s easy for any girl to stand in front of the world in a bikini or with her breasts exposed while collecting big paychecks , but the moment that one of those girls gets into a car accident, we’re forced to remember that these are actual human beings and there is more at stake than just semi-nudity.
And then we just go look at another girl’s breasts.
By Bill March 14, 2013 @ 11:38 AM
Dammit. Of all the people for some drunken idiot to crash into, why Miranda Kerr? Ladies, I know you know who Miranda Kerr is. Men, unless you’re sporting neuticles where the jewels used to rest, you definitely keep yourself aware of Miranda Kerr’s work efforts. She was just born hot. And Australian. But we can’t hold that second part against her.
Now, some ginned up fucknut smashed into her on the freeway and shook up her neck and spine. Apparently, she’s going to be fine. Which is good. Because I’d hate to have to commit my life to some prison justice for the idiot who killed her. Get myself arrested on stealing Slim Jims from the 7-Eleven so I could share that guy’s cellblock then shank him in the shower. I didn’t like to shower in high school gym, let alone prisons. so this works out for the best. Next time, T-bone Orlando, you DUI douchebag.
To celebrate Miranda still being alive, check out a shit-ton of hot pictures of her we put together: