By Travis November 20, 2013 @ 12:00 PM
At some point after last night’s Jaguar F-TYPE Coupe Launch Party in Playa Vista, California, newly-single model Miranda Kerr ran into Miley Cyrus, and the two let fashion photographer Mert Alas take a quick close-up picture of them. Normally, I’d wonder something truly important and intellectual like whether or not this is the company that Miranda is going to keep now that she and Orlando Bloom are divorcing, but where the fuck are Miley’s eyebrows? If this leads to millions of stupid girls across the world taking up the alopecia look as “fashion,” we’re really going to have to start considering and taking the idea of mass sterilization more seriously.
Photo Credit: Miranda Kerr/Instagram
By Lex October 25, 2013 @ 2:57 PM
“After six years together, they have recently decided to formalize their separation. Despite this being the end of their marriage, they love, support and respect each other as both parents of their son and as family.” — a joint bullshit statement from Miranda and Orlando.
Three years might be a record for a celebrity marriage. Except the ones where the dude is on the down low, those seem to go on forever. Trust me, I sent a 20th anniversary gift to John and Kelly a couple years ago. Marrying a supermodel, how long can that really last? One day you’re starring in the Pirates of the Caribbean and models are trying desperately to hang out with you in VIP rooms of nightclubs, the next day you’re some off-Broadway cuckold riding a motorscooter around Soho trying to figure out who your wife is banging behind your back. That’s got to feel like you just slipped through the cloud in heaven and fell into the sulfur pits. I pity the fool.
Photo Credit: Kora Organics
By Travis October 15, 2013 @ 10:00 AM
Now that she has a lot of free time since her split with Victoria’s Secret, Miranda Kerr’s mornings are wide open for yoga, which I’m sure is very important to her Buddhist beliefs. It’s also pretty important to my beliefs, which are simply staring at women in tight yoga pants and tops while trying to use my brain power to make the clothes completely vanish. Sure, it sounds like a juvenile and misogynistic waste of time, but with the government still shut down, I can’t continue practicing my other belief of calling every politician a vapid, worthless shit stain. So thanks, Miranda, for giving me something to work toward each day.
Photo Credit: Miranda Kerr’s Instagram
By Lex September 30, 2013 @ 11:02 AM
Photo Credit: Splash, WENN
By Lex September 20, 2013 @ 1:21 PM
I guess Orlando Bloom was a thing for the ladies when he was swashbuckling in Pirates, now he’s doing Romeo and Juliet on Broadway and putting around town with his motorcycle helmet pretending that his hot wife is not soon to be banging another man. I might be reading too much into this, but this marriage is about three years into a five year max shelf life. Miranda Kerr will be just fine. Orlando Bloom will be doing puppet theater in the park by 2017. The hot woman with the nice tits will win. They always do.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet, INFphoto.com
By Lex September 09, 2013 @ 6:33 PM
I don’t know why more women don’t show off their bare boobs. What’s the worst that could happen? You hear a few catty comments from other women. Maybe the church defrocks you. But, you get so much in return. A virtual queen of your dominion. You know how often men turn down even the most demanding request of a topless woman? Between never and basically never. Go for it, ladies. Ditch the bras, flash the tits, and watch a world of opportunities open up. If you’re not sure whether you have the knockers to pull this off, send me a picture. I’ll get back to all the ‘yeses’.
Photo Credit: AKM-GSI, Getty