I remember the day I up and decided I was leaving home. My parents, friends, the whole neighborhood. They all said I’d never make it out on my own. Since I was 27, this was pretty fucking sad. But the point is. I did make it. And without having to do ‘anal on the streets’, like my Uncle Zol had predicted. It’s scary leaving familiar settings. Forging your own path. I was kind of like Miranda Kerr leaving Victoria’s Secret. Only she left with fifteen million in her pocket and a contract to make even more elsewhere. So nothing at all like Miranda Kerr. Or like any guy who will ever sleep with Miranda Kerr. More like a moderately to low-moderately successful tie salesman. Which was a far worse outcome than doing anal on the streets.
Here’s Miranda Kerr in Edit magazine. She’s not a bad looking woman.
Photo Credit: Edit Magazine
Ever since she was allegedly dumped by Victoria’s Secret for being an expensive diva, Miranda Kerr has had to find other things to do with her time, including making Fox & Friends the most important talk show for the first time in its history. Before she made her appearance yesterday, though, Miranda was sweet enough to bring her skintight pink dress outside to sign autographs for her fans, and TMZ asked her a very important question – “Who is your girl crush?”
Miranda said Angelina Jolie, which is kind of vanilla, because she could and should have said, “It’s Erin Heatherton and she just happens to be right here” and then they could have 69’d during her afternoon appearance at The Gillette Venus Step Up & Step Out Summer Tour. That probably would have sold a few razors.
(Photo Credits: Getty)
I once got some wise advice. Never ask for a raise unless you can afford to be fired. I don’t think that’s universal advice. I think it was geared at a guy like me with few appreciable job skills. Miranda Kerr has no such hurdle. So she asked Victoria’s Secret for a raise and they fired her basically. And then she had to wait an entire spa day before somebody else paid her big bucks to put on another swimsuit. I think if I were a woman, I’d want to be a particularly attractive one. There seem to be perks.
Photo Credit: INF
Back in March, Victoria’s Secret made the decision not to renew Miranda Kerr’s contract as an Angel amid rumors that the supermodel was a bit of a diva behind-the-scenes. On top of that, it was reported that she wasn’t even the company’s top draw, so she just wasn’t worth the headache. Ultimately, both parties said the right things, hugged and parted ways, as Victoria’s Secret went back to creating 19-year old goddesses in a laboratory and Miranda just became plain, old Mrs. Orlando Bloom.
But she’s not done reminding us that she’s one of the hottest women on the planet – not Miley Cyrus hot, obviously – as she Tweeted the above picture on Wednesday. Although, if you think about it, she’s really just an unemployed mother of one Tweeting tit pics now, so it won’t be long before she’s launching her own fake sex tape.