If You’re Going to Drink, Don’t Drive Into Miranda Kerr!

By Bill March 14, 2013 @ 11:38 AM

Dammit. Of all the people for some drunken idiot to crash into, why Miranda Kerr? Ladies, I know you know who Miranda Kerr is. Men, unless you’re sporting neuticles where the jewels used to rest, you definitely keep yourself aware of Miranda Kerr’s work efforts. She was just born hot. And Australian. But we can’t hold that second part against her.

Now, some ginned up fucknut smashed into her on the freeway and shook up her neck and spine. Apparently, she’s going to be fine. Which is good. Because I’d hate to have to commit my life to some prison justice for the idiot who killed her. Get myself arrested on stealing Slim Jims from the 7-Eleven so I could share that guy’s cellblock then shank him in the shower. I didn’t like to shower in high school gym, let alone prisons. so this works out for the best. Next time, T-bone Orlando, you DUI douchebag.

To celebrate Miranda still being alive, check out a shit-ton of hot pictures of her we put together:


Miranda Kerr is frolicking in a bikini

By brendon August 22, 2012 @ 1:07 PM


You can tell that Miranda Kerr is probably a nice person because she had a photo shoot on the beach in Sydney yesterday and there was some other hot model who I don’t even think is famous there too. Mariah Carey or Jennifer Lopez would never allow something like that. They would have this girl killed. They still might just because I mentioned them together.

(image source = fame/flynet, bauer griffin)

Orlando Bloom is weird

By brendon February 09, 2012 @ 4:24 PM


Orlando Bloom and Miranda Kerr are in Australia today, and she’s in a bikini drinking champagne in a hot tub with some other random girls who are also in bikinis, and he’s holding a naked babies penis up to his face. He must really really like that babies penis.

Miranda Kerr in a $2,500,000 bra

By brendon November 10, 2011 @ 10:30 AM


The Victorias Secret fashion show was held last night in New York and, among other things, Miranda Kerr wore a diamond encrusted bra valued at 2.5 million dollars. It was the most elaborate way anyone could think of to tell the Occupy Wall Street hippies to fuck off.

(image source = wenn and getty. more fashion show pics to come)

morning headlines

By brendon January 19, 2011 @ 10:39 AM


MIRANDA KERR – posted the first picture of her son Flynn, presumably taken by her husband Orlando Bloom, and as you can see it was while he was sucking on one of her perky little tits. Which means he’s 2 weeks old and his life has probably peaked. (kora organics)

BRUCE WILLIS – was a pain in the ass to work with on Cop Out, according to director Kevin Smith. “I had no fucking help from this dude whatsoever.” And yet that movie totally worked, on every level, a modern masterpiece. The creative process sure is a mystery. (filmdrunk)

HALLE BERRY – is supposedly on good terms with her ex Gabriel Aubry, who is also the father of her 2yo daughter, but yesterday he filed for custody, setting up a potential tug-of-war with their child. Not a literal tug-of-war with their child of course, though that would be way more exciting. (e!)

ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER – is ready to return to acting, perhaps playing a Nazi commander who refuses to execute POW’s at the end of WWII in With Wings As Eagles. Or perhaps playing something else, in a different movie. What am I, psychic? (fox)

RICKY GERVAIS – will not be hosting the Golden Globes again next year, saying he feels twice is enough. Which is how I now feel about watching the Golden Globes. (yahoo)

friday afternoon headlines

By brendon January 07, 2011 @ 5:32 PM


ORLANDO BLOOM AND MIRANDA KERR – had a boy. And I bet that handsome bastard has already gotten more pussy than I have this year. (us)

LINDSAY LOHAN – has been handed a $135,000 Range Rover Onyx, to borrow “for an undisclosed length of time”, by a Beverly Hills dealer. The plan of course is for people to see Lindsay driving the car and then go see them and say, “I want one of those cars like the one Lindsay wrecked.” (radar)

PETRA NEMCOVA – is engaged, 6 years after her last fiance died in the 2004 Thailand tsunami. I’m sure that wasn’t her fault, but I would still go somewhere like Omaha for a honeymoon. They have a lovely zoo. (daily mail)

JANE KRAKOWSKI – is pregnant. Ewwww. Everything about this story is gross. (people)

JWOWW – says she was under anesthesia when her ex took naked pictures of her. Ahhh yes, the old twilight trick. Another good one is to make them think you’ve taken a loved one as a hostage. (hollywood life)