In the post just beneath this one I said Miranda Kerr and her pictures from the Victorias Secret Fashion Show were kind of boring. Obviously that was before I knew she had pranced around all night letting strangers take pictures of her hot little ass. Because it really is awesome. Seriously. Wow. What? Well if you don’t like that kind of thing why are you even here? No. No you’re a pervert. No you are.
NEW MOON – is already breaking records. The ‘Twilight’ sequel made $26.3M when it opened this morning at 12:01a.m. There were so many fat girls concentrated in so few spots, the mass pulled the moon 10 miles closer to America. If there’s a tidalwave, I’ll get you for this, Fatties. (variety)
JON GOSSELIN – entered into a secret business deal that is a clear violation of his TLC contract. This could be the, “smoking gun that will doom Jon in the breach of contract action brought against him by TLC”. To make this story even better, sharpie over all the words except “Jon Gosselin” and “smoking gun”. Ahhh. This is nice, isn’t it. (radar online)
DEMI MOORE – went on twitter yesterday to deny she was photoshopped for the cover of W magazine (this), despite the fact that her left hip doesn’t even remotely line up with her thigh. But one picture that is fake is the one claiming to be my senior portrait, with me playing the clarinet next to an iguana on a pedestal. That could really be anybody. At least anybody with a shirt saying “Brendon has Senior-itis”. (twitter)
MIRANDA KERR – was almost forgotten about. Because she’s kind of boring. But then I saw one of her pictures and was like, oh yeah, Miranda Kerr. That was a good story, wasn’t it. (source = splash and wenn)
Miranda Kerr is cute and all, but to be honest I’ve never really understood her appeal. So she picked a bad weekend to go around Australia modeling bikinis if she wanted to get attention. Especially since last time she was topless.
Miranda Kerr was in the Caribbean this weekend to shoot for the Victoria’s Secret catalog, and it may seem hard to believe but this was part of it. It’s a smart new approach. This would be a really good ad for hats, for example. A good ad for bras would be to have Marisa Miller completely naked except for a pink cowboy hat and a pink and white two-gun holster. And she could have one of the guns out and she could blow into the barrel like she just shot it. The message would be, you don’t look like this so you better buy our GD bras.
SEXY UPDATE – now with more pics.
I was trying to think of some reasons to call Orlando Bloom an asshole because I resent him being at Cannes on a yacht with Victoria’s Secret supermodel Miranda Kerr, but then it dawned on me I’ve never heard anything bad about him. I know one time he had a cold, and I think one of his cousins is adopted. Maybe there’s something to that. Maybe he got the cold because he was fucking orphans. Let’s go with that.
Hey did you hear Orlando Bloom rapes little kids? I read it on a prominent website. Oh I know, right. What a piece of shit that guy is.
Miranda Kerr did a shoot for Victoria's Secret in St Barts this weekend, and girls who aren’t Victoria's Secret supermodels should take comfort in the fact that even Miranda Kerr has cellulite. Fat bitch. Or maybe that’s just a weird angle and trick of the light highlighted by her ridiculously small bikini. On a related note, would it be offensive or flattering if your gynecologist got an erection. Miranda, any thoughts? How have you dealt with it?