Morrissey Get Sick Pretty Easy

By Matt June 20, 2014 @ 10:47 AM

Morrissey Whining

Morrissey cancelled the remainder of his U.S. tour,  blaming his opening act for getting him sick:

“Difficulties had arisen on May 31st following Kristeen Young’s opening set at the Miami Knight Concert Hall, after which Kristeen confessed to ‘a horrendous cold’, the symptoms of which were passed on to Morrissey resulting in the cancellation of the next show in Atlanta.”

Like many vegetarians, Morrissey is a farmers market shopping tool prone to bouts of childhood like illness. I don’t mean like the whooping cough and tuberculosis that Jenny McCarthy and hordes of undocumented immigrants have helped bring back to the U.S., I mean like runny noses and tummy aches.

Kristeen Young claims that in addition to Morrissey being a whining Nancy emo twat, he’s also a liar:

“Ok. Regarding the recent True-to-you statement from Morrissey: I did not ‘confess to a horrendous cold’. On Monday, June 2nd, I had an allergy attack that was over within 16 hours.”

It could take years and several more depressing Morrissey albums to get to the bottom of this bitchy battle. The most important thing is that the Morrissey get back to making music because people who hate their suburban parents need a soundtrack to their lives. As for Kristeen, if you spelled your name any other way, I might take your side.

Photo Credit: Getty Images

Morrissey Does Vegan Douchery Like No Other

By Jack January 07, 2014 @ 3:00 PM

Morrissey is back with more of his pussy vegan nonsense. This time he equated meat eating with pedophilia. Yes. The wussy singer was having a Q&A with a fan site called True To You when the subject of Morrissey’s eating like a deer came up. Or, more likely, he brought it up because he won’t fucking shut up about it. He said,

“I see no difference between eating animals and paedophilia. They are both rape, violence, murder. If you believe in the abattoir then you would support Auschwitz.”

Wow, comparing meat eaters to Nazis and pedophiles in one short quote. Even for Internet discussions that’s pretty impressive. I could have perhaps lived with Morrissey’s self-righteous hyperbole’s if he hadn’t made me go look up a fancy word like ‘abattoir’. People who go around calling everybody pedos and Nazis and racists and such deserved to be ignored. People who use obscure words need to be put down and eaten like yummy fucking cattle.

Morrissey Couldn’t Wait To Piss On Margaret Thatcher’s Grave

By Travis April 09, 2013 @ 11:00 AM

Former British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher passed away yesterday at the age of 87 after suffering a stroke in her hotel room, and singer Morrissey couldn’t wait to let the world know how much he hated this specific dead woman. In a brief essay for The Daily Beast, the man who penned “Margaret on the Guillotine” told us how he really feels, including this damning excerpt:

Thatcher will only be fondly remembered by sentimentalists who did not suffer under her leadership, but the majority of British working people have forgotten her already, and the people of Argentina will be celebrating her death. As a matter of recorded fact, Thatcher was a terror without an atom of humanity.

Unfortunately, word count restrictions forced Morrissey to leave out: “But she gave an amazing blowjob.”

Every move she made was charged by negativity; she destroyed the British manufacturing industry, she hated the miners, she hated the arts, she hated the Irish Freedom Fighters and allowed them to die, she hated the English poor and did nothing at all to help them, she hated Greenpeace and environmental protectionists, she was the only European political leader who opposed a ban on the ivory trade, she had no wit and no warmth and even her own cabinet booted her out. She gave the order to blow up The Belgrano even though it was outside of the Malvinas Exclusion Zone—and was sailing AWAY from the islands! When the young Argentinean boys aboard The Belgrano had suffered a most appalling and unjust death, Thatcher gave the thumbs-up sign for the British press.

Iron? No. Barbaric? Yes. She hated feminists even though it was largely due to the progression of the women’s movement that the British people allowed themselves to accept that a prime minister could actually be female. But because of Thatcher, there will never again be another woman in power in British politics, and rather than opening that particular door for other women, she closed it.

Thatcher will only be fondly remembered by sentimentalists who did not suffer under her leadership, but the majority of British working people have forgotten her already, and the people of Argentina will be celebrating her death. As a matter of recorded fact, Thatcher was a terror without an atom of humanity.

MORRISSEY.

Morrissey Still An Obnoxious Pussy

By Jack February 28, 2013 @ 6:11 PM

Wussy singer Morrissey cancelled his appearance on Jimmy Kimmel Live. Why? Because he was going to have to share the stage with the yokel superstars from Duck Dynasty. Morrissey is one of those radical vegetarian animal rights guys. The bearded rednecks from Duck Dynasty make duck hunting equipment and the Ex-Smiths singer decided that was too much for him. He called them “Animal serial killers“.

While I could honestly give a flying rat fuck whether or not this mincing limey is on TV, I am pretty sick of these broccoli munchers enforcing their morality on the rest of us. I eat meat. Why? Because it’s fucking delicious and it’s allowed us humans to develop bigger brains than our grass cud chewing competition.

If you want to live off of organic steamed kale, that’s your business. I’m going to eat a chunk of cow that died screaming. If Morissey doesn’t like it, he can come and stop me. Oh wait, he’s too weak from anemia.