“Octomom” Nadya Suleman recently shot a photo spread with In Touch magazine, in which she reenacted some of Angelina Jolie’s most famous looks, including the red carpet leg and Lara Croft: Tom Raider, even though she pointed out that she (clearly) doesn’t “look anything like her”. Octomom also claims that Jolie “has it easy”, and if having a bunch of kids that she can afford to care for without resorting to fingering herself on camera is easy, then yes, Jolie has it very easy.
Apparently, though, Octomom needs to get that finger back to work, because while she’s being investigated for claiming large monthly welfare payments despite earning more than enough money, she’s also being tossed out on her ass. According to Radar, she was served eviction papers after failing to pay April’s rent. Like any good, piece of shit tenant, Octomom allegedly trashed the place on her way out, leaving it “smelling like urine”.
She’s also finally being investigated by L.A.’s Family Services, and it’s about time, because those kids would be better off living with Casey Anthony right now.
I laugh when people claim Octomom hit rock bottom by doing porn to pay the rent. She has so much much farther to fall. You have no idea. But no matter how she struggles like an one-flipper tortoise as she sinks to the ocean bottom, won’t she always be better than Angelina Jolie? She’s born fourteen kids from her own hungry uterus while Angelina buys kids from infant bazaars in Third World nations. Sure Octomom is overpopulating the planet with kids she couldn’t care for even if she wasn’t half-mad and had no appreciable job skills. But she’s never had sex with Billy Bob Thornton and worn his blood in a necklace, she never made me waste $8 on Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow, and, best of all, Octomom doesn’t use her Beverly Hills High School degree to make sweeping political pronouncements.
It always comes down to the car ride test. I wouldn’t want to road trip with either, but I bet if you told Octomom to STFU, she’d actually do it.
Ever since she realized that people no longer had any interest in the things coming out of her vagina, AVN Award-winner Nadya Suleman, AKA Octomom, has been doing whatever it takes to keep money in her bank account. This includes begging people for donations, stripping, starring in a masturbation porn film and even recording a music video that has fortunately never seen the light of day. (Although there is audio if you hate your life.)
Octomom has already been accused of using her welfare money to pay for her superficial needs like manicures and having her hair done, so it’s really not surprising that she is once again being investigated for welfare fraud. That’s right, California is still giving this crazy lady plenty of free cash.
TMZ has learned … someone made the allegation last week to the L.A. County Dept. of Welfare Fraud Prevention and Investigation (WFP&I), claiming Octo is getting various forms of welfare, including food stamps, even though she made nearly $200,000 in 2012.
Under California law, Octo can legitimately collect welfare for her and her 14 kids if she makes $119,000 or less in a calendar year, but if the allegation is true … she exceeded the limit by a lot.
Law enforcement sources tell us … the WFP&I is conducting a probe and has already interviewed witnesses in Octo’s world. (TMZ)
Can someone just please take those poor kids away already? They’d be better off if they were sent to Africa or Romania. At least then they might be adopted by an actual celebrity.
Thanks to everyone who emailed me the TMZ picture of Nadya Suleman, the lunatic who had octuplets (*) a few days ago, her 14th child, all of which have been through in vitro fertilization. And by "thanks", I mean, "please God stop". You know I think pregnant women are fucking creepy, and this will do anything but help. Her vagina must look like she's been hung upside down by it. It's gotta look like something you'd see fall out of a lions mouth.
(*) My Firefox spell check doesn’t even go up to "octuplets". It stops at sextuplets. Even Firefox thinks that shit is ridiculous.