Natalie Portman broke down in tears yesterday during a visit to Stanford University, when she addressed a packed house to lecture on fighting global poverty through microfinance.  Whatever the hell that means.  The Stanford Daily says:

After a brief speech, the actress fielded questions from the audience, which was thoroughly impressed by the Golden Globe Award winner.
“It was a riveting speech,” one student said, “full of insights about how to implement poverty relief that actually works.”
Since graduating from Harvard in 2003, Portman has served as Ambassador of Hope for the Foundation for International Community Assistance (FINCA International), a leading microfinance organization that is committed to breaking the cycle of global poverty.
FINCA has brought financial services to hundreds of thousands of the world’s lowest-income families by providing community-based savings opportunities and distributing small business loans through its Village Banking Campaign.

Boooor-ing.  Natalie needs to loosen up.  That shit is depressing.  Those people aren't even American, so what's the big deal.  What are they doing being born in those shitty countries anyway?  Think about that.  It kind of serves them right.  And it's not like they don't have stuff.  The have rocks and scorpions and hair, and … umm … other stuff.  Oh, but la-di-da, sorry your majesty if that's not good enough.  Some people are just like that.  It's never enough.  Like the other day, one of the models was all like, "I'm late" and then it was "I'm pregnant" and "I'm scared".  Just, "me, me, me, I need all the attention, all the time … look at me everyone!"  It was sad.  I guess some people just have a lot of growing up to do.



Good news if you ever wanted to know exactly what Natalie Portmans ass looks like, because the short film "Hotel Chevalier" - starring Portman and Jason Schwartzman, directed by Wes Anderson as a companion piece to "the Darjeeling Limited" - is now online for free on iTunes (or you can download it for extra free from rapidshare here).  In the meantime, check out the NSFW screencaps here.  In the movie, Portman plays a girl who brushes her teeth, Schwartzman plays a mustachioed stranger with a nice hotel room, and I play a handsome Navy SEAL from the wrong side of the tracks, out to set things right with punches and the truth.  In the movie, you ask?  No, my friends, in my amazing real life.

Hot naked girls make me surprisingly happy, so its obviously good news that FilmDrunk is the first (or "not first" as some would say it) to report that Natalie Portman is naked in the short film "Hotel Chevalier", a companion piece to Wes Andersons "The Darjeeling Limited".  Sources say:

"If there's one element of 'Hotel Chevalier' that's surprising for Anderson, it’s a strong sense of romance and sexuality: in one shot, Schwartzmann gently pulls off Portman's clothes to reveal her naked body from behind, and a later shot has Portman, nude, standing still in a doorway, one foot up against the frame. It's the sexiest thing that Anderson has ever done."

Keep in mind that before this, the sexiest thing Anderson has ever done in a movie is showing Willem Dafoe in snug blue shorts, so the bar here is pretty high.  My god, he was just poured into those things!


It's like 1400 degrees here in Vegas.  Seriously, it's like we're a mile from the sun.  But apparently it's pretty hot in New York City too, because Natalie Portman hasn't worn a bra in two days.  These pictures are from yesterday, and they show what it would look like if Natalie and I were on a date and I was a cool black guy.  Instead I'm just a hunky white guy with dreamy blue eyes.  When not working as a pediatrician, my hobbies include sit-ups and telling my horse she's a good girl.  Call me, ladies!