By Lex April 02, 2015 @ 11:19 AM
Men with sick jobs still feel the need to bitch about their work. Like pro ballplayers who whine about stress and travel and sore knees. Fuck you and the twins not your wife blowing you in your Bentley. Women never complain about their professional good fortune. They inherently understand what comes with making a living as a hot piece of ass. At some point, DiCaprio is going to walk into your shapely shadow and point his two index fingers toward his dick. Close your eyes and tell him how much you loved Gilbert Grape. It’s time to punch the clock.
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By Lex July 18, 2014 @ 9:20 AM
These two girls have ensconced themselves on the beach in Miami like Jimmy Buffett fans in Key West who realize being a teeth bleaching tech in Milwaukee sucks compared to drinking all day in a thatch covered booze shack by the beach. The one in white is hiding her overbite which just serves as a reminder how very attractive women are ever so fragile, though still entirely better off than unattractive women. Today is honesty day.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet
By Lex July 17, 2014 @ 3:32 PM
I feel like it was just yesterday we saw Natasha Oakley on the beach in a bikini. It’s quite possible she doesn’t have a day job. Or this is her day job. In which case, good for her. I sat around on a beach once for a week and all I got were cops in cargo shorts harassing me and local shopkeepers threatening me in Lebanese. Or English, I was really drunk. It sounded Lebanese. Now George Clooney’s going to write a scathing op-ed about me in the Sunday Times of his mind. I’m not equipped for the bon vivant lifestyle. I haven’t the tits.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet, Pacific Coast News
By Lex July 16, 2014 @ 11:49 AM
The older you get, the easier it is to lament how shit used to be much better. But it’s rarely true. Oh, fuck no, people are becoming famous just for posting photos of their tits and ass in bikinis on Instagram. That’s a bad thing I guess. Remember when people had to have real talent to become famous? Yeah, I don’t either. And now we get to see their yabbos with one click of a button. I don’t see how this is not a huge improvement.
Photo Credit: Pacific Coast News, FameFlynet
By Lex March 11, 2014 @ 2:40 PM
There doesn’t seem to be many job options for Australian girls outside of bikini model. I think there’s also morning talk show host, beauty pageant contestant, and widow of Steve Irwin. That’s the gamut. If you get the bikini model gig, you get to travel the world and eventually marry a dude with money in real estate. If you don’t make it one of these prime categories, they just drop you Hunger Games in the bush and the kangaroos and dingos eat you. It’s a fucking vicious circle of life in a nation populated by former convicts. It’s like Northern Ohio, but with sunshine and winning sports franchises.
Photo Credit: Splash News
By Lex February 19, 2014 @ 6:47 PM
Those bikini girls famous on Instagram are back again. I can’t be bothered to figure out who is who. It’s like people with identical kids. I’m sorry you pumped the missus full of hormones and zoygotes, but that doesn’t make it my obligation to figure out which of your cross-eyed triplets is Kassidy. That’s not even a real name. Obviously, if I had a chance at either of these girls, I’d learn their names, favorite restaurants, and the minimum amount of foreplay they require before the sex that men care about can begin. But I don’t, so they’re just those two bikini girls famous on Instagram. You know how to Google while you masturbate, you look it up.
Photo Credit: Pacific Coast News