Nick Cannon Full Meltdown (VIDEO)

March 8, 2017 | celebrity | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

It took over 30 years, but Nick Cannon has finally done something halfway interesting. This entailed him appearing to be hopped up on either booze or drugs or both and doing a bunch of weird shit such as finger blast a doll which he was pretending was Nicki Minaj.

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Nick Cannon Will Not Be Silenced

February 14, 2017 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Nick Cannon is perhaps the most blessed man in show business. He’s not the only entertainer who’s made a fortune despite not being able to point to any specific talent. He is the one perhaps that has fucked the most connected women. Making babies with Mariah Carey is not a bad career move, if you can get past the details.

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Nick Cannon Pro Mediocre Life

November 30, 2016 | Uncategorized | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

There’s a pretty great irony in the fact that the dumbest people on earth have the strongest opinions on partisan politics. Nick Cannon is apparently a comedian. Really? Let’s see some of your best work.

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Nick Cannon Skips Voting to Make More Babies

November 22, 2016 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Nick Cannon has been very outspoken in his condemnation of the American political system for disenfranchising black citizens. Cannon is one of the many black voters who chose not to vote on November 8th out of protest for the fact that neither political party materially addresses the needs of the urban poor and largely black underclass.

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Mariah Carey And Nick Cannon Divorce

November 18, 2016 | celebrity | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

Mariah Carey and Nick Cannon have finalized their divorce, which is a polite thing to do if you’re trying to get fifty million bucks out of another guy you weren’t fucking. Carey reported making over twice as much money as Cannon, yet he is the only one who has to put money in a trust for their kids. That’s male privilege.

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Heidi Klum Mom of Four Tits Impressive

August 5, 2016 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Heidi Klum and Nick Cannon went to the Drake concert together. Heidi wore a dress that showed off her braless tits. Nick Cannon wore a tank top and his grandmother’s antebellum black hair wrap.

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Nick Cannon Renaissance Man

August 27, 2015 | celebrity | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

Nick Cannon posted an Instagram shot of his shoe closet in response to Chris Brown having shown off his super interesting closet weeks prior. This is like an old fashioned duel, if the guys were pansies more into fashion than pistols. Dudes used to care about whiskey and pussy. Now it’s lining up shoes like you’re one of […]

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Nick Cannon Seems Fortunate

March 18, 2015 | NSFW | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

It’s unclear what Nick Cannon does well outside of boning the right women. That might just be enough in this age of gender equality. Nick Cannon is currently nailing Jessica White, the SI model with nice yabbos. Cannon has publicly denied he’s seeing anybody, because his suitcase full of Mariah Carey divorce cash has yet […]

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Nick Cannon and Amber Rose Working Magic

January 27, 2015 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

The island of misfit toys production of dumped spouses with very hidden talents had Nick Cannon DJing at a nightclub in Las Vegas with Amber Rose at his side. The two discussed the tribulations of being ass puppets for more successful partners and how far buffed body parts might get you in life on your […]

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Nick Cannon Lets Shoes Do The Talking

September 18, 2014 | celebrity | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

Nick Cannon is rocking a pair of $2million dollar diamond studded shoes on America’s Got Talent, because aside from talent, America’s also got serious issues with consumerism. This stunt gives your average low physical activity viewer a chance to marvel at how truly happy Cannon must be with his leased props as they ignore their […]

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