Nick Jonas Busted A Nut

By Matt November 20, 2014 @ 6:04 AM

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Nick Jonas clarified he is no longer a virgin which means he most likely has been porking his Miss USA and Miss Universe girlfriend Olivia Culpo like a boss. Jonas was indoctrinated into the Jonas Brothers at age 12 at which point he was forced to wear a Purity Ring to symbolize his undying commitment to not getting sued by any wealthy parents of ten year old groupies:

“We all grow up, we all live life and find out what’s important to us. I am now comfortable with who I am and what I believe in.”

I’m guessing this revelation took form as a harem of wide eyed subservient peers waiting to suck you dry as opposed to a ring you got from a holistic preacher on QVC. Nick is now 22 but lost his virginity two years ago and probably ruined a full bed sheet set in the process. And some curtains. Plus the Mona Lisa print in that Grafton now appears to be weeping. Losing your virginity at 2o is nothing to be ashamed of. Unless you’ve been turning down hot ass since you were twelve. Then its just a waste. You went to an all you can eat and ordered a salad from the menu. In the future be true to yourself and all men. That means lay off the jewelry and patent leather.

Photo Credit: Instagram

Nick Jonas Likes Girls And Shit Around The Web

By Jack November 10, 2014 @ 12:00 PM

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Nick Jonas’ sex scenes for Kingdom are hilariously awkward. Not only is he…wait for it…an MMA fighter but he’s also got to pretend he likes having sexy time with women. Ew.

Watch Nick try his hardest to not think about hairy man sack. (The Superficial)

Justin Bieber has to pay his neighbor 80K  for egging his house. (TMZ)

Nicki Minaj pisses off people with “Pro-Nazi” imagery. (Huffington Post)

Alyssa Milano let’s us see her giving the tit to her kid again. (Drunken Stepfather)

Abigail Ratchford uses her tits to hawk that shitty water. (Hollywood Tuna)

Selena Gomez is always forgetting to wear a bra. Thank you, Selena. (Popoholic)

Andy Dick got felony arrested for being himself…a dick. (Dlisted)

Nick Jonas’ Miss America Girlfriend Means He Can’t Be Gay

By Lex October 13, 2014 @ 9:33 AM

Nick Jonas Girlfriend Olivia Culpo Wears A Bikini In Miami
Men who love cock like ISIS loves beheadings are accusing the prettiest Jonas brother of gay baiting by ripping off his shirt and flashing his six pack at gay bars, singing in Broadway musicals, all the while secretly loving the pussy of his Miss America girlfriend. It’s called a Jackman in street parlance. Nick Jonas denies the cockteasing charges. He claims hitting the Village bars has all merely been a planned marketing event to promote his new album, Fuck Me In My Hot Bottom Ass, or something like that.

“Everyone’s entitled to their own opinion. I think it’s unfortunate that some people have to find a negative in every situation. Clearly my heart is in the right place, and more than anything, if they just looked at my life and my gay friends and the authentic nature of where my heart is, they’d just see that they’re kind of ignorant.”

I’m trying to put myself in some really horny gay dudes stylish shoes. If a hot young female music artist was hitting my local dive bar, climbing on the tables, and flashing her tits while talking about pulling trains of fat drunk sods, I suppose I’d be disappointed when I found out she was really just chick who liked to scissor kiss other hot chicks until dripping wet and writhing in ecstasy. I’d probably masturbate thrice before the disappointment set in. but I can still feel the let down.

Photo Credit: PacificCoastNews

no one has any idea who the new American Idol judges are

By brendon August 21, 2012 @ 3:41 PM

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Despite Us magazine saying Nicki Minaj is all set to be a judge on ‘American Idol’, apparently it’s not all set, nothing is all set, and no one even knows how many judges there will be, much less who they are.

The Hollywood Reporter says a four person panel with Carey, Minaj, country star Keith Urban and Latin, um, person Enrique Iglesias is a very likely scenario, People mentions Minaj, Iglesias and Nick Jonas, while TMZ is now reporting that Kanye West has been approached too. But he would cost at least as much as Carey, which is $18 million a season.

Oh and Carey reportedly threw a hissy fit yesterday about Minaj because she doesn’t want to share the spotlight with another girl. Meaning Minaj is no lock.

So the only thing we know for sure is that ‘Idol’ wants big stars, because those cost the most money and almost definitely have nothing interesting to say. That’s clearly the best way to make a TV show. “Sure the show was boring,” Fox executives will say. “But at least we threw away lots of money on it.”

(image source of carey filming ‘the butler’ in new orleans today = fame/flynet)