Nicki Minaj Still Getting Waxed

By Matt August 20, 2015 @ 8:08 AM

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Nicki Minaj’s wax figure at Madame Tussauds in Vegas behaves a lot like it’s namesake in that it shows little emotion and is continually railed by strangers. Tons of people are posing inappropriately with the figure because it’s fucking hilarious. I still want to know what you’re doing in a wax museum but if you’re paying thirty bucks to look at wax people you’d better at least get a nut off. In a move that is clearly another black eye for America, the business is now forced to have security monitoring the figure and is looking into ways to stop people from humping it. Perhaps a lifelike scent would do the trick. Rapper Azalea Banks took to Twitter to voice her disapproval:

“As much as that woman has accomplished, they had to put her on all fours… Why not standing up with a mic in her hand? All people are gonna do is go up to that statue and take pictures shoving their crotch in her face and putting their crotch on her butt.”

Just like real life. Banks is right, but missing the point. Minaj is known almost solely for crawling around with her swollen bare ass arched into the air in a display of sexual presentation. That’s the point of a wax museum, to make it look real. And to jizz on the statues when 5-0 is on break.

Photo Credit: Instagram 

Nicki Minaj Bastard Child

By Matt August 11, 2015 @ 7:59 AM

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Nicki Minaj got drunk off malt liquor which isn’t even liquor and makes no sense much like her career and said that random rapper dude Meek Mill was her “baby father.” If you don’t use poor grammar stylistically or simply never went to kindergarten she’s saying he knocked her up. That’s assuming she’s pregnant but we’ll wait for the sex tape to confirm. Minaj is now backtracking her comments and there’s an entire industry of depraved assholes who use the term mixologist trying to confirm or deny this story that even Minaj’s supposed father finds contrived. Translation: So many random dudes have squirted their cum in me I don’t even know what to make of it. True Detective season 3. You’re available.

Photo Credit: Instagram 

Twits Make Peace And Shit Around The Web

By Jack July 23, 2015 @ 12:00 PM

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Everyone can relax, the worst tragedy of our time is over. Taylor Swift has apologized to Nicki Minaj for being such a self-centered cunt. Now we can all get on with our lives.

It’s like the Yalta agreement but dumb. (The Superficial)

Julia Lescova would like you to look at her bare naked tits. (Egotastic All-Stars)

Justin Bieber loves to gleam the cube. If you get that reference you are old. (TMZ)

Delilah Parillo is topless in Vogue Spain. (Drunken Stepfather)

This is Erika Wheaton and these are her titties. (Hollywood Tuna)

Kendall Jenner covers up her genital warts with lace panties. (Popoholic)

Attention lesbians! Cara Delevingne and St. Vincent broke up. (Dlisted)

Nicki Minaj Race Ass Shamed

By Lex July 22, 2015 @ 3:23 PM

Nicki Minaj See Through Pants For Instagram
If you start with the premise that the MTV Video Music Awards are as prestigious as medals handed to the fat kid who couldn’t finish the hundred, all arguments over who or who should not be nominated or awarded are necessarily pointless and inane. Nicki Minaj was nominated for two VMAs this year, but not for the Music Video of the Year Award for some music video somebody not her made. She took her anger out on Twitter, the central warehouse for misdirected rage since 2009. She seemed to indicate that girls with fat asses were being excluded. To which Taylor Swift who was nominated and has an ass like your grandma in summer khakis fired back something stupid about girl power. Minaj clarified that her snub was an indication of blacks being kept down in popular music in 2015. I could spend three seconds digging up stats to prove otherwise, but when in the midst of a dummy fight, don’t be the tool who produces facts. I stopped watching the VMAs after Miley Cyrus vagina grinded what’s his face out of a marriage. It could never possibly get better.

Nicki Minaj Tweets

Photo Credit: Instagram

Kanye Divorces

By Lex April 23, 2015 @ 9:10 AM

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Just 25-days ago America’s finest music makers were on a podium declaring the death of Spotify and Pandora and announcing the launch of Tidal, the true artist-fair music app. Kanye West, Madonna, that dude in the Mickey Mouse head, and Nicki Minaj got doe-eyed explaining how Tidal would cost only twice as much as its competitors so Madonna could afford a decent oneg shabbat spread for her Kabbalah cluster. That pretty much killed Tidal in the crib. Even Kanye’s hand upon Tidal couldn’t save that fucker. After a few downloads in the opening week, Tidal dropped off the bottom of the iPhone charts while Spotify and Pandora both had record signups thanks to a bunch of unlikable famous people talking shit about them. The enemy of my app is my friend. Displaying his unwavering loyalty, Kanye has removed the Tidal logo from his Twitter profile and retro-deleted every single Tweet he’d made about the service. Then he announced his won-loss record remains perfect. Memorial services for Tidal will be held later this week. Beyonce will sing a song she didn’t write and bitch about how she’s not getting songwriter royalties.

Photo credit: Getty Images

Nicki Minaj Scares Kid Straight

By Matt April 06, 2015 @ 8:08 AM

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Nicki Minaj let some twelve year old kid in Northern Ireland sing with her on stage and pressed his head up to her giant fake tits so he could hear the sound of an outpatient clinic. The kid was super excited to meet Minaj and began to sob which could get you sent to a special camp in that country. Gay or straight it’s all pheromones at that point as you briefly harken back to your time on the prairie. Minaj thinks she’s the only woman with tits:

“Get your life from the little boy in this video pls. Look at how he stopped crying wen he laid his head on dem thangz. They have real power beaming out of them that can cure the sick #Belfast I love u so much. Wow. Life tonight.”

That kid’s going to be locked in the bathroom for the next month. Whether he’s violently hurling or trying to set a land speed record on his pecker I can’t say. If creepy black fuck doll is his type he is going to have it rough in Belfast. Nobody succeeds their first time. Stay golden and look into some Stones records. You’ll be jizzing on whomever you choose in no time. That includes Minaj.

Photo Credit: Instagram/AKM-GSI