By Matt August 25, 2014 @ 2:19 PM
Nicki Minaj has been steadily denying her staged and yawn worthy dress malfunction at the VMA Awards was done on purpose. Minaj must be aware that having your dress slip off is exponentially more embarrassing when you admit you did it on purpose to draw attention away from your vapid stage performance. She has offered vehement denials about the stunt, even though several people saw her rehearsing it beforehand. It was actually kind of hot the way she appeared vulnerable and exposed until you realized it was on purpose which just made it kind of cheap and rapey. Its like finding out the Charles Dickens back story on your favorite porn star and the suspension of reality becomes more and more difficult. Minaj’s claim that she ran out of time to zip up the dress while changing is more than suspicious. Unlike a game of Jenga, putting on a dress has very little variation in time. You pretty much know what you are getting into, and whether or not you can do it, especially when you’ve tried it on and rehearsed before hand. Minaj apparently had just enough time to put it on, but not zip it up. That’s like having enough time to become aroused but not put on a condom, nobody’s buying it, I’ve tried.
Photo credit: MTV
By Lex August 20, 2014 @ 10:16 AM
Here’s more from the Anaconda music video from Nicki Minaj that is certain to reshape the very face of music. Sort of the way a car crash and plowing your head through a windshield at 40mph will reshape the very look of your face. Now that the dictates of my profession have forced me to watch the entire fucking video twice, I can say that this auditory pile of shit has some pretty nice asses. And when the dude at JuCo who made this in half an hour on GarageBand sampled Sir Mix-A-Lot, that’s pretty fucking fresh. In the fine tradition of men’s magazines, I give this music video three boners. If Nicki’s ass were to explode in a ghastly blast of bloody homogenized fat, I’d take away one boner, but I’d buy it on iTunes instead of ripping it from YouTube.
By Lex August 19, 2014 @ 10:19 AM
Nicki Minaj pretends to pleasure Jimmy from DeGrassi in her new Anaconda music video. I don’t have the inclination to dig deep, but I’m guessing Anaconda has something to do with big black cock. At least it does when I search the term on YouPorn nightly. I bet Nicki also ‘casts shade’ in her new song. Casting shade and simulating sex are the hallmarks of modern music. Back in the day, strippers pretended to be sweet girls trying to pay for college or their dying dad’s kidney transplant. Now they’ve got record deals and they brag about who’s tapping their ass. If you’re big on honesty, you’d have to call that social progress.
Photo Credit: Nicki Minaj/Instagram
By Lex July 24, 2014 @ 1:28 PM
Nicki Minaj new contribution to the musical lexicon of humanity is called Anaconda. It’s a snake. It’s also a cock. I’m pretty good at interpreting sexually suggestive metaphors. For instance, I’m looking at Nicki Minaj squatting on an imaginary anaconda in her thong and I interpret that to mean her music sucks. I also interpret that nobody gives a shit because look at that ass. Yes, it’s grotesque even post Photoshop, but there’s something genuinely appealing as well. It’s like chorizo. I know it’s pig entrails and lips, but it’s gotten hold of some part of me that wants to bend it over the sofa and let loose the dogs of war. Nicki Minaj’s ass I mean. I guess the chorizo too. I do love that horrific crap.
Photo Credit: Nicki Minaj/Instagram
By Lex July 01, 2014 @ 3:43 PM
The primary fallout from Nicki Minaj’s credibility attack on Iggy Azalea during the BET Awards was for mainstream news outlets to use the slang ‘casting shade’ in reporting their stories. Nicki was obviously referring to Australian rapper Iggy Azalea when she highlighted the fact that her epic lyrics come straight from her inner muse. Iggy’s raps maybe come from paid for hire writers like T.I.
When you hear Nicki Minaj spit, Nicki Minaj wrote it.
Sure, invite the token white rapper to perform then pile on because she can’t match your urban iambic pentameter about niggas and Bentleys. Whoa, bitch be casting shade. Rap feuds were so much better when people shot each other. Slow death by broken English rant is inhumane.
Photo Credit: Instagram