By Lex July 22, 2015 @ 3:23 PM
If you start with the premise that the MTV Video Music Awards are as prestigious as medals handed to the fat kid who couldn’t finish the hundred, all arguments over who or who should not be nominated or awarded are necessarily pointless and inane. Nicki Minaj was nominated for two VMAs this year, but not for the Music Video of the Year Award for some music video somebody not her made. She took her anger out on Twitter, the central warehouse for misdirected rage since 2009. She seemed to indicate that girls with fat asses were being excluded. To which Taylor Swift who was nominated and has an ass like your grandma in summer khakis fired back something stupid about girl power. Minaj clarified that her snub was an indication of blacks being kept down in popular music in 2015. I could spend three seconds digging up stats to prove otherwise, but when in the midst of a dummy fight, don’t be the tool who produces facts. I stopped watching the VMAs after Miley Cyrus vagina grinded what’s his face out of a marriage. It could never possibly get better.
Photo Credit: Instagram
By Lex April 23, 2015 @ 9:10 AM
Just 25-days ago America’s finest music makers were on a podium declaring the death of Spotify and Pandora and announcing the launch of Tidal, the true artist-fair music app. Kanye West, Madonna, that dude in the Mickey Mouse head, and Nicki Minaj got doe-eyed explaining how Tidal would cost only twice as much as its competitors so Madonna could afford a decent oneg shabbat spread for her Kabbalah cluster. That pretty much killed Tidal in the crib. Even Kanye’s hand upon Tidal couldn’t save that fucker. After a few downloads in the opening week, Tidal dropped off the bottom of the iPhone charts while Spotify and Pandora both had record signups thanks to a bunch of unlikable famous people talking shit about them. The enemy of my app is my friend. Displaying his unwavering loyalty, Kanye has removed the Tidal logo from his Twitter profile and retro-deleted every single Tweet he’d made about the service. Then he announced his won-loss record remains perfect. Memorial services for Tidal will be held later this week. Beyonce will sing a song she didn’t write and bitch about how she’s not getting songwriter royalties.
Photo credit: Getty Images
By Matt April 06, 2015 @ 8:08 AM
Nicki Minaj let some twelve year old kid in Northern Ireland sing with her on stage and pressed his head up to her giant fake tits so he could hear the sound of an outpatient clinic. The kid was super excited to meet Minaj and began to sob which could get you sent to a special camp in that country. Gay or straight it’s all pheromones at that point as you briefly harken back to your time on the prairie. Minaj thinks she’s the only woman with tits:
“Get your life from the little boy in this video pls. Look at how he stopped crying wen he laid his head on dem thangz. They have real power beaming out of them that can cure the sick #Belfast I love u so much. Wow. Life tonight.”
That kid’s going to be locked in the bathroom for the next month. Whether he’s violently hurling or trying to set a land speed record on his pecker I can’t say. If creepy black fuck doll is his type he is going to have it rough in Belfast. Nobody succeeds their first time. Stay golden and look into some Stones records. You’ll be jizzing on whomever you choose in no time. That includes Minaj.
Photo Credit: Instagram/AKM-GSI
By Lex February 18, 2015 @ 1:28 PM
That looks a lot like Derek Jeter and Nicki Minaj’s nipple. Two things that could use a good humility punch in the areola. I wasn’t really sure how short and unnecessary Nicki Minaj was until I saw her standing next to a professional athlete. She wouldn’t be all that hard to pack in a crate and load onto a cargo ship for Paraguay. It’s landlocked, so the last few miles might be bumpy. She’ll probably freestyle a few sweet beats about the journey. We’ll find them scratched onto her ankle when we open up the crate and start pointing fingers over who forgot to drill the air holes.
Photo Credit: Instagram
By Lex February 03, 2015 @ 8:47 AM
Bud Light sponsored one of their Whatever Happens party before the Super Bowl in Phoenix. Whatever Happens is where you pretend Bud Light is a precursor to some of life’s more memorable evenings. Sort of like most great Hemingway novels begin at El Pollo Loco. Nicki Minaj was the surprise musical guest flashing all kinds of titty and ranting about how men are disloyal cheating fucks. Which is true, but not something you want to be lectured about while the hardest thing you have to drink is watered down 4.2 beer. Lots of guys heckled Minaj until they realized that being at a Bud Light party was in fact the most memorable evenings of their lives so they went back to the Ramada to hang themselves. Whatever Happens.
Photo Credit: Instagram
By Lex January 08, 2015 @ 8:40 AM
Rolling Stone magazine apparently has outtakes. This is not to be confused with retractions, like after misleading rape accusations. This is content by Terry Richardson. A guy a bunch of young models claimed ear raped them. There, that’s not confusing.
Nicki Minaj did the cover of Rolling Stone recently because she’s very popular and has enormous tits and ass. Also, because I think she has a friend who knows a guy there. These are the photos that didn’t make the cut, including one of Uncle Terry in the victim shots he meticulously keeps like Dexter. One day we’ll all look back and say how the hell did we miss this because that’s just what people do.
Photo Credit: Terry Richardson