NICKY HILTON IS OKAY, I GUESS

By brendon December 26, 2007 @ 12:17 PM

You probably weren't wondering, but if for some reason you were, Nicky Hilton spent Christmas day on Maui.  Which bugs me to no end.  I know people say she's prettier than Paris but asking if Paris Hilton could get any uglier is like asking if a turkey could get any uglier.  So Nicky Hilton and a turkey are in a tie for the coveted title of, "Prettier Than Paris Hilton".  Last years winner was Every Other Woman On The Planet Earth.  Good luck Nicky!



NICKY HILTON ISNT HELPING

By brendon June 01, 2007 @ 11:48 AM

Shockingly, Nicky Hilton does not feel that her sister Paris should be going to jail on Monday for repeatedly driving with a suspended license after a DUI.  Hilton says

"I think she should definitely be punished, but going to jail for a traffic violation is pretty absurd."

Oh fuck you whore.  Don't act like Paris rolled through a stop sign one night and the next thing you know a SWAT team repelled down from a helicopter and threw her ass in a camp.  They tried punishing Paris by suspending her license, and she ignored them and kept driving, so wtf are they supposed to do?  They could give her community service but she would just screw that up.  They would tell her to wash a cop car and somehow, as a result, fire breathing dragons would end up ruling the earth.  God knows how, but I have total confidence in her ability to fuck things up beyond all comprehension.

NICKY HILTON IS A FAILURE

By brendon February 21, 2007 @ 10:20 AM

The Chicago Tribune says that the development group who planned to finance Nicky Hilton hotels in Chicago and Miami is pulling their money off  the table and walking away.  The group is still involved with both sites and still plan to run them as hotels but they will not be involved with Nicky Hilton.  The first hotel was set to open in Miami in November of 2006 but has not had an official opening date for some time.  The Chicago hotel has never had an official opening date.  The two hotels, which Nicky named after herself, have suffered several setbacks and delays, most recently after Nicky was caught on tape giggling through a racist rant with sister Paris.  She has been sued at least twice, once for breach of contract and once for claiming other peoples work as her own.  The Tribune says:

Nicky Hilton and her representatives could not be reached for comment. The two projects were to be her debut in the business her family is known for, though neither would be affiliated with Hilton Hotels. The move comes a week after Falor's firm sued Hilton in federal court, alleging she failed to deliver on promises to promote the redevelopment projects.

Wow, what a shocking conclusion.  If anyone could have predicted that Nicky Hilton was too dumb/lazy to run a hundred million dollar business venture, that person should be burned at the stake because they're obviously a witch, using the dark forces for evil instead of for good.  And by "for good" I mean "making me a kissing potion that seduces models", like I asked for a hundred freakin times.

NICKY HILTON HAS TROUBLE, BIG NOSE

By brendon February 13, 2007 @ 12:19 PM

A Chicago development group is suing Nicky Hilton for breach of contract, claiming Hilton hasn't kept her end of an April 2006 agreement in regards to a hotel called Nicky O's Chicago, a Nicky Hilton Hotel.  The Chicago hotel was to be the second in a line of Nicky O hotels.  The first was supposed to open in Miami on South Beach in November of 2005.  That date has been pushed back several times and currently has no announced opening date.  The Chicago lawsuit also claims Hilton contracted out interior design work she was supposed to perform and tried to charge it back to the developer.  This would mirror claims made by the architect on the Miami project, who says Nicky claimed many of his designs as her own.  The Chicago group also claims Hilton misrepresented that she and her associates had experience in hotel design.   A spokesman for Hilton says:

"Things are not always as they appear.  When the facts surrounding this matter are known to the public I think you will find out that the person who has been most impacted by this action will be Nicky Hilton. … In the meantime, I don't think anybody should draw any conclusions based on the simple filing of a lawsuit."

Nicky Hilton is a fucking retard, so I may sue her too, even though I'm not technically affiliated with this hotel.  I'll put on a tuxedo and then hand her papers with "lawsuit" written on the front, and inside there will be a copy of the Magna Carta and then pictures of an apple and a civil war submarine.  On page 2 would there would be a duck inside a circle.  She'll be so hopelessly confused she'll give me a million dollars just to go away.  "They threatened to turn me into a civil war duck!"  



WHAT THE HELL IS THIS

By brendon December 11, 2006 @ 10:12 AM

You probably assumed that Paris and Nicky Hilton spent the weekend working on an AIDS quilt or a new translation of "the Odyssey", but instead they acted like spoiled whores.  Oh, I know, I couldn't believe it either.  But according to these pictures in yesterdays News of the World, it's true.  At this point, I'd like to ask you to open the envelope I gave you earlier, the one that contained my psychic prediction.  You'll see that I drew a picture of Paris acting like a slut.  Pretty amazing, huh.

NICKY HILTON IS GOOD AT WAVING

By brendon November 30, 2006 @ 3:03 PM

Shockingly, the Nicky O hotel on South Beach that was supposed to open in November and then on New Years Eve and then in February and now won't open it's doors until spring, has had some drama behind the scenes.  Mostly because Nicky Hilton is an idiot.  And lazy.  And she lies.  The website Hotel Chatter spoke with a man named Nizar Idrisi, an architect and designer who created many of the designs Nicky has claimed as her own.  Now off the project, Nizar gives some insight into Nicky Hiltons creative genius.

Sometimes she would send me something she ripped out of a magazine, and say 'I like this' …  We had a meeting in Miami by the pool of the Royal Palm with fashion designers who were going to design some suites. It was a very important meeting. We were all going over stuff and Nicky was just out there swimming in the pool with one of her friends that came down from New York. Every so often she would look over at us and wave.

She's still a hero in my eyes for doing all that waving.  That shit is hard.  And she still brings a lot to the table.  For instance, if a guest had a hat and had no place to put their hat, Nicky could go stand in the corner and the guest could put their hat on her.  She can't help if two guests have a hat, but still – ta-da!