Porn Stars Make Terrible Models

You can ask a porn star to shove a banana up her ass as she fellates the archetypal grocery delivery boy while a chihuahua barks at her nipples and all she'll ask back is 'You want me to finish Gary on the dog?'. But you ask them to look sexy in clothes, things get more complicated. Imagine the porn star brain is like a computer. Not one of those newfangled MacBooks. Maybe more like a 386 maxed out with Leisure Suit...read more

Nicole Aniston Puts Her Boobs Near THE WATER

Fuck, we might as well concede. The interplanetary rectum invaders trading under the earthbound 138 Water DBA have conned our porn stars into working for them. You don't just pull the Jedi Mind Trick on the intellectual powerhouse that is Nicole Aniston without some kind of brain powers several leagues ahead of humans in 2014. I bet these alien insurgents have Christina Ricci type massive cranial structures. If we're...read more

Nicole Aniston In a Thong Selling Water

You never want to stop educating yourself. For instance, I just learned that 138 Water is named after 138, which is urban dictionary code for I Love You. I didn't know there were any entries in the urban dictionary not related to anal farts and messy penetration, but apparently hot kid slang for I Love You is also in there. According to 138 Water literature, the water fills you with Love. Because it has electrolytes....read more