Porn Stars Make Terrible Models

By Lex March 27, 2014 @ 2:18 PM

Nicole Aniston In A Bikini Top Falling Skirt For A 138 Water Shoot At Venice Beach
You can ask a porn star to shove a banana up her ass as she fellates the archetypal grocery delivery boy while a chihuahua barks at her nipples and all she’ll ask back is ‘You want me to finish Gary on the dog?’. But you ask them to look sexy in clothes, things get more complicated. Imagine the porn star brain is like a computer. Not one of those newfangled MacBooks. Maybe more like a 386 maxed out with Leisure Suit Larry. You can’t just start tasking it with new commands. It freezes up. This is the kind of shit the asshole interplanetary invaders from 138 Water don’t know. How could they? It might yet prove to be their missing dragon scale.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Nicole Aniston Puts Her Boobs Near THE WATER

By Lex March 20, 2014 @ 4:52 PM

Nicole Aniston In A White Bikini For A 138 Water Photo Shoot In Malibu
Fuck, we might as well concede. The interplanetary rectum invaders trading under the earthbound 138 Water DBA have conned our porn stars into working for them. You don’t just pull the Jedi Mind Trick on the intellectual powerhouse that is Nicole Aniston without some kind of brain powers several leagues ahead of humans in 2014. I bet these alien insurgents have Christina Ricci type massive cranial structures. If we’re lucky, maybe they’ll settle for subjugating the ultra reformed Jews and the Hmong people and give us back Malaysian Air 370 and leave. But I doubt it. Now would be the time to punch your annoying postman. Prepare for the end.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet

Nicole Aniston In a Thong Selling Water

By Lex September 23, 2013 @ 5:57 PM

Nicole Aniston Models In A Thong For A 138 Water Ad
You never want to stop educating yourself. For instance, I just learned that 138 Water is named after 138, which is urban dictionary code for I Love You. I didn’t know there were any entries in the urban dictionary not related to anal farts and messy penetration, but apparently hot kid slang for I Love You is also in there. According to 138 Water literature, the water fills you with Love. Because it has electrolytes. Gatorade has electrolytes too but they’re just pretending to love you because they don’t have a porn star in high heels rubbing her tits on a car.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet