can you even tell who this is?

By brendon May 22, 2012 @ 4:34 PM

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This very famous actress arrived at the airport in Nice today on her way to the Cannes Film Festival, but who is it? Is it the ghost of Shelly Long? Does Taylor Swift have progeria? I’ll give you a hint: it’s Nicole Kidman.

Did that help? Have you figured out who this is? I’ve been staring at it for 5 minutes and I’m still not certain that I have.

(image source = fame/flynet)

Isabella Cruise covered for absentee mom Nicole Kidman

By brendon May 09, 2012 @ 4:16 PM

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Kids, especially adopted kids, are at their most confident and secure in their early teens. They’re fearless pillars of strength who embrace every setback as an exciting new challenge. That’s why it’s really no big deal that Nicole Kidman bailed on the two kids she adopted with Tom Cruise. In fact she hasn’t been photographed with her daughter Isabella, 19, or her son Conner, 17, in over 5 years.

Luckily for her, Isabella seems healthy and well-adjusted anyway, and covered for her in an Australian magazine.

‘I love mom. She’s my mom. She’s great. I see her sometimes and I speak to her.’
‘We’re a very close family. I love all of our family.’

It’s hard to really know what to think about all this because, to be honest, I’d forgotten about both of those kids.

That’s not me defending Nicole Kidman, by the way. It’s what she said today when a reporter asked her to comment on this.

Nicole Kidman is spooky

By brendon January 27, 2012 @ 5:59 PM

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Nicole Kidman went to lunch at Joans on Third in LA today, and when she arrived she had the whole place to herself. Not because she’s famous, but because she looks like the ghost of a murdered 60’s Barbie, and ghosts are very scary.

(image source = pacific coast)

Nicole Kidman has a new baby

By brendon January 18, 2011 @ 11:02 AM

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In a rare example of someone in Hollywood being able to keep a secret (though in this case its probably because no one cared to ask) Nicole Kidman and her husband Keith Urban, both 43, announced on Monday that they’re proud new parents of a baby girl named Faith Margret, born through a surrogate in Nashville on December 28th. Nicole says…

“I’m so pale and bony, people often mistake me for a ghost.”

No not really.

“Our family is truly blessed, and just so thankful, to have been given the gift of baby Faith Margaret. No words can adequately convey the incredible gratitude that we feel for everyone who was so supportive throughout this process, in particular our gestational carrier.”

Kidman now has 4 kids. In 2008 she gave birth to a daughter named Sunday Rose, and she has two adopted children with Tom Cruise. Not that she’s apparently aware of it because you NEVER EVER see them together. If her son Connor saw her at the mall or something and tried to give her a hug, she would call the cops. “Please, help me, I’m at the Grove and a black just tried to rape me! Now he’s following me, I can’t get away, they’re very fast!”

Nicole Kidman admits having botox

By brendon January 12, 2011 @ 5:56 PM

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Nicole Kidman has finally confessed to have tried Botox, and by “tried” she must mean with every meal since 2005. People says…

“I’ve tried a lot of things, but aside from sports and good nutrition, most things don’t make a difference,” Kidman, 43, (says). “I have also tried Botox.”
But Kidman says she didn’t like using the injections, which are known to tighten up a patient’s face to avoid the appearance of wrinkles.
“I didn’t like how my face looked afterwards,” she says. “Now I don’t use it anymore – I can move my forehead again!”

Not that it matters because she’s ridiculous looking either way. Above is a pic from when she was pregnant and had to stop getting botox for a while, below is her frozen in place right before her wedding in 2006. If I opened my front door and saw that standing in front of me, I would grab the nearest heavy thing I could find and try to kill it.

Nicole Kidman has an elevator for her car

By brendon August 19, 2010 @ 8:16 PM

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Nicole Kidman and her husband Keith Urban just bought a 10 million dollar top floor duplex in New York City’s Chelsea district. It’s 3,248 square feet, has 3 bedrooms, 3.5 bathrooms, and a 20×22-foot living room with floor to ceiling windows that overlooks the river.

Oh and it also has a private elevator that turns their ordinary car into a flying car that lands at their front door, presumably so they can hop into a tub filled with the tears of a Phoenix.

The extravagant and modern 16 apartment building boasts a private ‘Sky Garage’ for its residents, allowing a tenant to park their vehicle inside the building and have it lifted to their floor, avoiding the hassle of underground or street parking.

I would show the other 15 apartments to NBA guys and Ben Roethlisberger. Highlight the fact that any hypothetical hooker that gets punched out can go right into your trunk. No witness, no crime. It’s the ultimate sign of wealth and status.

(image source = mavrix online)