this is supposed to be Nicole Kidman

By brendon September 04, 2012 @ 2:24 PM


Nicole Kidman looked like she should be sitting on a ventriloquists knee 5 days ago at the US Open, but according to V magazine she’s actually an immortal 19-year-old with a rock hard ass and no pores. “Hello 9-1-1? I ran at Nicole Kidman with a wooden stake but she turned into a bat and flew away, and now I don’t know where she went. Yeah I’m pretty freaked out.”

Nicole Kidman forgot something

By brendon May 25, 2012 @ 2:02 PM


Nicole Kidman went to a screening of her movie ‘Paperboy’ at Cannes last night wearing a dress that also acted as a thermometer. So be grateful it’s not Khloe Kardashian wearing it, because then we’d have to see her dick. Or dicks, whatever the case may be. She has to have at least one.

(image source = wenn, bauer-griffin)

Nicole Kidman pee’d on Zac Efrons face and chest

By brendon May 24, 2012 @ 2:33 PM


Nicole Kidman plays a white trash slut so well in ‘the Paperboy’ that they might as well have called it ‘the Dina Lohan Story’, especially since they’ll both be remembered for the awful thing that came out of their vaginas.

As the Huffingtom Post says…

“The Paperboy” debuted at the Cannes Film Festival on Thursday, and Lee Daniels’ “Precious” follow-up provided attendees with the chance to watch Nicole Kidman urinate on Zac Efron.
“This is a movie that often seems to be missing important transitional scenes or specific inserts,” wrote Vulture’s Kyle Buchanan, “but you had better believe that when Nicole Kidman pees on Zac Efron, that camera is there.”
The “golden shower” happens in a non-sexual context: Efron’s character gets stung by a jellyfish while in the ocean.

The good news is that having an Academy Award winner pee on Zac Efron is an excellent way to get your movie noticed. The bad news is that Kim Kardashian has labeled him a selfish lover for not reciprocating.

can you even tell who this is?

By brendon May 22, 2012 @ 4:34 PM


This very famous actress arrived at the airport in Nice today on her way to the Cannes Film Festival, but who is it? Is it the ghost of Shelly Long? Does Taylor Swift have progeria? I’ll give you a hint: it’s Nicole Kidman.

Did that help? Have you figured out who this is? I’ve been staring at it for 5 minutes and I’m still not certain that I have.

(image source = fame/flynet)

Isabella Cruise covered for absentee mom Nicole Kidman

By brendon May 09, 2012 @ 4:16 PM


Kids, especially adopted kids, are at their most confident and secure in their early teens. They’re fearless pillars of strength who embrace every setback as an exciting new challenge. That’s why it’s really no big deal that Nicole Kidman bailed on the two kids she adopted with Tom Cruise. In fact she hasn’t been photographed with her daughter Isabella, 19, or her son Conner, 17, in over 5 years.

Luckily for her, Isabella seems healthy and well-adjusted anyway, and covered for her in an Australian magazine.

‘I love mom. She’s my mom. She’s great. I see her sometimes and I speak to her.’
‘We’re a very close family. I love all of our family.’

It’s hard to really know what to think about all this because, to be honest, I’d forgotten about both of those kids.

That’s not me defending Nicole Kidman, by the way. It’s what she said today when a reporter asked her to comment on this.

Nicole Kidman is spooky

By brendon January 27, 2012 @ 5:59 PM


Nicole Kidman went to lunch at Joans on Third in LA today, and when she arrived she had the whole place to herself. Not because she’s famous, but because she looks like the ghost of a murdered 60’s Barbie, and ghosts are very scary.

(image source = pacific coast)