heidi montag is an actress now

By brendon March 16, 2010 @ 9:32 AM

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When Heidi Montag got DDD implants a few months ago, people started to notice what a talented young artist she was, and everyone really respected the way she was achieving her goals and making her dreams come true.

Dreams such as being an actress for example, and yesterday she was in Malibu to film a movie called ‘Just Go With It’. It’s the story of a girl with a fantastic body who walks around a park and bends over a lot, co-starring Adam Sandler, Nicole Kidman and Jennifer Aniston. I don’t know what their characters do. Hopefully nothing that blocks the view of Heidis huge tits.

(image source = pacific coast and splash news)

thursday afternoon headlines

By brendon March 04, 2010 @ 7:08 PM

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NICOLE KIDMAN - has been replaced in a movie by … Selena Gomez. For the record, Kidman is 42, Gomez is 17. I bet Keith Urban wishes he could do this. (variety)

LOST - has run out of time, according to the writers and producers, and there is simply no way to wrap up all loose ends and answer all the questions by the end of the series in May. When asked for a comment, one group of hardcore fans yelled unintelligible profanity for almost an hour. (washington post)

JESSICA BIEL AND JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE - are still very much together apparently, because today they’re skiing in Switzerland. And after zzzzzzz snooorrrre zzzzzzzz, zzzzzzzzzz, snoooorre, zzzzzzz. (just jared)

KATHERINE JENKINS - is a 29-year-old UK opera star who yesterday began a tour with concerts more like Britney or Madonna. Some people only like her because she has a beautiful singing voice, but those people are superficial jerks. She was born with that. What about the real Katherine. What about going a little deeper. Like her big jugs, for example. And her money. And let’s not forget her big jugs. (daily mail)

save some cocaine for the rest of hollywood, nicole

By brendon December 16, 2009 @ 3:55 PM

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I’d rather have the doors lock behind me on a 6-month gay pleasure cruise than in a movie theater showing ‘Nine’. I wouldn’t go see that crap even if the name alluded to the number of blowjobs I would get from Kimberly Phillips if I did. But Nicole Kidman had to go to last nights premiere because she’s in that POS, and to make it more exciting she buried her face in a mountain of cocaine first. HOLY CHRIST, NOW THIS MOVIE IS FUKCIN AMAZING!

(picture source = fame and getty)

nicole kidman looks terrific

By brendon November 13, 2009 @ 3:37 PM

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Tom Cruises’ semen must have some kind of poison in it because Katie Holmes looks like hell and Nicole Kidman has turned into some kind of monster.  The New York Post says…

Everyone was talking about Nicole Kidman at the Country Music Awards in Nashville Sunday night. “She looked freakish,” said one witness. “She just had her lips done, and now she looks like Meg Ryan.”

That witness got off easy.  They saw her after 36 hours of hair and makeup (here). Look at her this morning at some fitness thing back in Australia. I’m only looking at the pictures and I’m freaked out. I’ve already closed my blinds and put on a mask so she can’t find me while I type this, and when I’m done here I’m gonna throw this computer into the ocean and move to a new town. I don’t really know how all that IP stuff works. She might be able to find me that way.

INCOMPETENT UPDATE – aww god dammit.  okay so the running pictures are nicoles sister antonia.  still.  look.  ooohhhh.  pretty scary, huh.

(picture source = getty images)

nicole kidman: “I’ve explored strange sexual fetish stuff…”

By brendon November 04, 2009 @ 1:38 PM

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It’s nice to see that the foppish dandies who run GQ over in England are just as snooty and dim witted as the ones over here in the Colonies.  Nicole Kidman usually gives boring interviews because she’s a dullard, but in this one she actually hinted at something interesting. “Well that’s enough of that,” the GQ reporter thought to himself. “A big star and her sex fetishes?  Boooor-ing!”

The Daily Mail says…

But in one of her most revealing-ever interviews, Nicole Kidman let slip how her experiences of love ranged from ‘mundane’ marriage to ‘strange sexual fetish stuff’.
The 42-year-old actress, currently married to country singer Keith Urban, said her life had been about exploring different types of love.
‘I’ve explored obsession. I’ve explored loss and love in terms of being in a grief-stricken place, I’ve explored strange sexual fetish stuff, I’ve explored the mundane aspect of marriage, and monogamy,’ she said.

And that’s the last we hear of any sex talk.  Not that Nicole Kidman is so great or anything, but if she had a hot Asian girl shoving things into her ass while Tom sat in the corner and cried, I wanna hear about it.  Even if she didn’t do that I wanna hear about it.  In fact, if Nicole Kidman could make up a bunch of super detailed lesbian sex stories, that would really help me out.

(theres like a hundred screencap pics of kidman getting naked in ‘eyes wide shut’ here.  if you save them then click fast enough, it’s like a movie)

Nicole Kidman is really smart

By brendon October 22, 2009 @ 1:07 PM

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Is Nicole Kidman even American? If not she needs to zip it.

Nicole Kidman spoke to the US Congress yesterday to accuse Hollywood of contributing to violence against women by portraying them as sex objects.
Kidman was speaking yesterday in her role as a UN ambassador to a House foreign affairs subcommittee that is considering legislation to tackle violence against women overseas.
When asked by Republican representative Dana Rohrabacher whether the film industry “played a bad role” in the way it portrayed women, Kidman replied “Probably”.

If Nicole Kidman was still hot I would go rape her, because according to that first paragraph, technically it was Hollywood Movies that raped her. I didn’t want to, but the movie made me. It’s a disturbing pattern.  After watching ‘Rocky’ I was Heavyweight Champ for 15 months, and after seeing ‘Patton’ I went around slapping cowards and ordering them back to the front. Won’t someone help me!

(image source = getty images)