STUFF FROM ALL OVER

By brendon December 27, 2006 @ 11:29 AM

Lindsay Lohan is traditional – Lindsay Lohan spent Christmas Eve in a bar, arriving at Lotus in the New York City meatpacking district around 11:30 and staying until around 3 am.  Why?  Because her life is fantastic.

Carrie Underwood is taken – Despite being previously linked to Jessica Simpson, quarterback Tony Romo of the Dallas Cowboys is now apparently dating country singer Carrie Underwood.  In fact, "she made a surprise Christmas Day appearance at Texas Stadium, hugging her new man on the field before the Cowboys' crushing 23-7 loss to the Philadelphia Eagles."  It was also before Romo stood behind his center all day with a raging hard-on, which probably did anything but help.

Keith and Nic are okay – Keith Urban and Nicole Kidman were seen together yesterday in Sydney, seemingly happy despite a breaking story claiming that Urban had a steady sexual relationship with 23-year-old model Amanda Wyatt that began in 2004 and didnt end until the day he married Nicole.  Wyatt said:

"Keith is a very good lover; he was a good man all around.  It was one good thing a night. It was very fiery. You could tell we were just into each other and that is what made it good. From April 2005 until they got married in June 2006, we got together a lot of times, but I can't put a figure on it. It was a pretty regular thing."

When asked for a comment, Urban said, "does anyone know who I am or how on earth me and my stringy hair ended up banging models and Nicole Kidman.  Any why is my forhead so big?  Seriously, this can't be normal.  Am I sick or something?"



NICOLE IS NOT PREGNANT YET

By brendon December 04, 2006 @ 5:00 AM

After six weeks in rehab for alcohol dependency, Keith Urban has checked out of the Betty Ford center and is back with Nicole Kidman, his wife of 5 months.  Us magazine reports that the two were seen having brunch yesterday at the Polo Lounge in LA.  Earlier in the day, the New York Post said that rumors of Nicole being pregnant are false and the couple is not expecting.  Not yet, at least.  But they are trying.  The Posts' proof?  Her haircut.  Yeah, okay, why not.

She just got bangs to hide her forehead. As a Hollywood insider said, "If Nicole is pregnant or trying to get pregnant, she will have to stop all Botox treatments like Courtney Cox Arquette did when she was pregnant. It would show most on her forehead." A rep for Kidman didn't return emails.

That's Nic's new haircut up top there.  With the bangs.  Or should I say, "with the definitive proof she's trying to conceive".  And what does her T-zone reveal?  It would seeem she's in deep with a black market panda ring.  God damn you – you won't get away with this Kidman!

NICOLE KIDMAN IS PREGNANT

By brendon November 27, 2006 @ 12:05 PM

The Mirror UK says that Nicole Kidman is pregnant and due to give birth to her first child this spring.  Kidman married singer Keith Urban six months ago and has been plagued by pregnancy rumors ever since, but the paper says this time it's real and an official announcement will be made shortly.  According to The Mirror:

Our source says, "Miss Kidman certainly isn't hiding the changes in her body now and seems to be very comfortable with them. Any woman seeing her now up close can't help but notice she is a mum-to-be."  … While they were married, Nicole, 39, and Tom (Cruise) adopted two children after apparently failing to conceive.

So good news for everyone who believes in the conspiracy theories surrounding the birth of Suri Cruise, the rumors that Tom is not Suri's father, or at least that Suri wasn't conceived naturally.  There's a better chance of Tom getting pregnant naturally than Katie.  Personally, I don't think Tom's gay, I just think he's weird and so childlike stupid, he could figure out time travel faster than he could sex with a girl.  Katie could be lying on the bed in some sexy bra and panties and the room lit with sexy candles and Tom would walk in from the bathroom wearing a helmet made from legos and then try to shove his penis into her foot.

(note – Kidman sure doesn't look pregnant in these pictures from last week)



STUFF FROM ALL OVER

By brendon November 17, 2006 @ 3:07 PM

Nicole Kidman is nice – Even though she wasn't invited to the wedding, Nicole Kidman has sent Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes a wedding present and a note that "wished them both a lifetime of happiness together."  How touching.  I bet it's a vibrator she bought at a garage sale.  

Angelina speaks out – Angelina Jolie has issued a statement after three of her bodyguards were arrested in India, accused of handling some children and their parents too roughly at a school where Jolie was filming.  Jolie said:

"It is not surprising that the press involved failed to mention their share of the responsibility in the chaos.  As for this horrible rumor that someone referred to a local man as a 'bloody Indian,' let me say this: I would never work with anyone that was derogatory towards another man's race. My family is of mixed race."

"Mixed race" seems like an understatement. By the time this is done, Jolie's family portrait is gonna include 9 kids, a pelican, a tiki warrior statue and a big grey rock.  The pelicans name should be Rusty.  Just because that seems like a good name for a pelican.  
 
Paris Hilton is predictable – Paris Hilton drunk?!?  And exposing herself?!?  Man, this picture is one in a million!



NICOLE KIDMAN IS WRONG

By brendon October 19, 2006 @ 10:33 AM

Although happily married to Keith Urban since June, Nicole Kidman's new film focuses on infidelity, so she was of course asked her thoughts on the matter by People.com while promoting the movie.  She gave the wrong answer.

"I don't think that sexual faithfulness is the most important one.  It is the easiest type to define, but mental unfaithfulness is far more subtle and dangerous. How far can you go in this type without being 'really' unfaithful? It's a difficult issue for which I don't have answers, only questions."

Fantastic.  So, if we're married, some random dude may be coring you out every other night, but your heart still belongs to me.  Awesome.  My penis and I were talking about this, and let me assure you, sexual fidelity IS the important one.  "Hey honey, you almost done blowin that guy, the kids are in the car, we're gonna be late for soccer practice."  Yeah, that sounds great.  But hey, your mind is all mine.  I'm the big winner!

(the pictures of Urban are because Kidman was asked if she could ever fall in love with someone who was ugly, I have to assume while the reporter was snickering.  Kidman said, "Why not?  Of course I could fall in love with an ugly man … even a very ugly man."    I would say something about Urban here but one of the veins on his giant forehead might start to throb and then a chandelier would mysteriously fall on top of me.)