By Lex December 09, 2013 @ 3:16 PM
Art Basel is the new annual celebrity proving ground for sophistication credentials. It’s in Miami which means the beach and the better cocaine, so it’s kind of the perfect place for Hollywood intelligentsia to head in December to prove their more enlightened than everybody who used to go to Aspen and wear fur in between attending PETA protests. If you’re like Nicole Richie and your dad sold you into fancy living, it’s a must attend. Where else can you stand aside Lindsay Lohan and Kim Kardashian staring at an oil painting on the wall wondering how all that waters stays in the picture frame.
Photo Credit: INFphoto.com
By Lex July 29, 2013 @ 3:54 PM
If you ran a Body Mass Index on Nicole Richie, it would come back with a score of ‘eat some fucking food already’. I say that lovingly. I don’t want to see somebody claimed by anorexia and then I become like my aunt who tells the Karen Carpenter story over and over again. None of Nicole’s works have ever touched me like Interplanetary Craft apparently did my aunt. I’d have to fake it and talk glowingly to the next generation about The Simple Life or something. That would suck. Just eat already.
Photo Credit: Bauer-Griffin
By Lex July 25, 2013 @ 10:42 AM
Nicole Richie, whoever sunk your battleship and made you stop eating, just let it go. You’re married, you’ve got kids. This is the time to pack on a few fat rings. I’m sorry your dad sold you to Lionel Richie for six bucks and a bus transfer. Eat a god damn sandwich already. You’re scaring people.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet, INFphoto.com, PCN
By Lex July 22, 2013 @ 3:02 PM
Blurry Nicole Richie is kind of hot. If I could keep her a little out of focus, maybe bring up the NFL on Fox bumper music every time she said something stupid about skin care or her gays. That Nicole Richie could be my girlfriend. We’d have to do something with the kid though. Or whatever she’s done with it already, keep doing that.
Photo Credit: AKM-GSI
By Lex June 04, 2013 @ 1:10 PM
Don’t let it be because you haven’t had an AOL account since your last free trial disk ran out of hours in 1998. You are truly missing one special bit of Twitter inspired reality television programming. Like the latest episode:
Nicole Richie visits her hairstylist Andy Lecompte, one of Los Angeles’ most famed hairstylists. Nicole proves her unexpected hairdresser skills when she advises one of Andy’s clients on how to dramatically spice up her look, with a little bob and a lot of bang.
Nailed it! To honor just how awesome her new AOL-based show is, Nicole Richie went into the Teens Express chatroom pretending to be 15-year old girl curious about sex with an older man.
Photo Credit: Splash
By Lex May 01, 2013 @ 6:27 PM
If you’re like me, then you too have been wondering how the hell you can get a little more Nicole Richie in your life. Our wait is over, my friend. #CandidlyNicole is here. The web show based on the uproarious Nicole Richie Twitter feed. It was only a matter of time before social medial content was adapted for use in something really really close to social media. And Nicole has shit to say. Important shit. Like in the premiere episode where she visits Dr. Kirby, the tattoo removal specialist to talk about eliminating her tramp stamp.
Nicole: I think the main one I want to get rid of is across, going down the crack.…Do they come off, come off? Or do they come off white?
Nurse: This one will come off, come off….Done. It’s black ink against your lighter skin tone.
Nicole: I mean I’m light skinned for a black person, which I am. But like in the regular world, I’m actually olive skinned….
Dr. Kirby: What’s going on? You have some tattoos that you’re concerned about?
Nicole: I have a tramp stamp. I was 16 and an idiot and didn’t want my parents to see. You know? … I’m not that girl.
Dr. Kirby: Can I see?
Nicole: Here is my tramp stamp … it’s a cross, a butt crack cross …
Dr. Kirby: Do they [your kids] ask you about the tattoos?
Nicole: I mean their dad has a ton of tattoos and I’m fine with it. I just don’t like mine…
Shazam! It’s all right there. In addition to learning Nicole’s reticence about her tramp stamp, early on in the premiere episode when Nicole takes off her oversized sunglasses we learn that she’s not nearly as attractive as we thought.