Nicole Richie was in Miami yesterday, in a bikini at her hotels pool, and the bad news is her entire body. It’s every bit as unpleasant and androgynous as you remember it being. The good news is her face. Because she looks like a cartoon chicken, and cartoons are funny, so that’s maybe the nicest thing I’ve ever said about her.
(image source = splash news)
WILL FERRELL - is the most overpaid star in Hollywood when looking at what he costs to hire compared to what his movies make at the box office. Ewan McGregor, Billy Bob Thornton, Eddie Murphy and Ice Cube round out the top 5. Which means I either misread something or Hollywood casts movies by randomly picking names out of a hat. (forbes)
NICOLE RICHIE - has checked into Cedars-Sinai hospital in LA for pneumonia. Did you know pneumonia is the leading cause of death for women? No not really. I just made that up. What is number 1? Does anyone know? And how can we make sure she gets that? (us weekly)
CARRIE PREJEAN - initially claimed she was 17 when she made 8 movies of herself masturbating for an ex boyfriend, but now it’s being reported she was 20 at the time. I can still pretend she was 17 though, right? I don’t think internet reports are legally binding. (radar)
KATY PERRY - went to the gym and then tried on some snowboard gear today in LA. Awesome, right? They should make a movie out of this. (wenn and pacific coast)
DAVID LETTERMAN - is denying a report in the Enquirer that his wife has thrown him out of the house as a result of the affairs he admitted to last month. If she does try to kick him out, he should give her a book about Scott Peterson. Remind her what’s up. (wonderwall)
NICOLE RICHIE - is married to Joel Madden, and has been for some time although no one knew it until today. Probably because no one gives a shit. (radar)
GIRLS KISSING - will never ever get old. At least until I die, and even then it will depend on where their hands are and if they’re using tongue or not. (college humor)
JANET JACKSON - holds Dr. Conrad Murray responsible for her brothers death because Murray gave Michael a powerful anesthetic shortly before he died. In an interview that will air Wednesday, she also says she thinks about him everyday. Especially last week when she raped a little boy. (popeater)
ELIZA DUSHKU - is sexy as hell, as you can see in some recent twitter pictures and by the thong she flashed while preparing for a bike ride with bf Rick Fox. He’s 6’7”, btw, and she’s 5’5”, so Eliza must be pretty easily relaxed. I’m 6’5” and I dated a girl who is 5’3”. During sex she looked like a unicorn.
The Thursday morning headlines are hosted by this sexy ass German guy who shuffles around in a circle for over 5 minutes to ‘Sunshine’ by alex M.O.R.P.H. At the 3 minute mark, just when you think things are starting to cool down, the music kicks back up and his hot moves go right along with it. I actually went and bought some panties just so I could throw them at the screen as I squealed with delight.
BRAD PITT – spent $82,000 on a custom home for the family (brace yourself) gerbils. To be fair, it’s not that the gerbil house is that fancy, they just had to add a bunch of locks and monitors so Zahara wouldn’t have a flashback and eat them. (the enquirer)
KATHERINE HEIGL – is adopting a 10-month-old “special needs” girl from Korea. It may seem nice of her to adopt a kid like that, but her diabolical ass probably just wanted a retarded one so when she forgets to feed it or leaves it in a hot car she can tell the cops, “it was fucked up like that when I got it.” (star)
NICOLE RICHIE – gave birth to a son yesterday, and just in case having her and Joel Madden for parents wasn’t embarrassing enough, they named him ‘Sparrow James Midnight Madden’. Or as he’ll be known in the 6th grade, “That Kid Lying Face Down In The Mud And Clutching His Stomach In Pain.” (us.com)
DJ AM was laid to rest yesterday at Hillside Memorial Park in Los Angeles. A small private funeral service was held for close friends and family, with Travis Barker the only celebrity on hand. There was someone I thought was Scott Caan but now I can’t tell. I like to call him “Not Caan”.
I didn’t see any pictures of Nicole Richie, who dated AM for two years and they were even engaged before breaking up in 2006. But just because she wasn’t pictured doesn’t mean she wasn’t there. Wait, no. Actually that’s exactly what it means. That’s what pictures do. They chronicle events and record images during those events. So despite this story in the Enquirer, she can’t be too broken up.
(She) took the news of his death so hard that her pals feared she was going into premature labor … her emotional reaction after he died made Joel wonder if Nicole had been hiding deep feelings for Adam, said a source.
“It ended up in a big fight, with Joel demanding, ‘Were you still in love with him?’
“She broke down, cried uncontrollably and thought that she was having contractions,” said the source. “She was devastated to think that Adam’s life came to such a terrible end after his years struggling to stay sober.”
Or maybe she was crying out of guilt because she did it. We should probably arrest and execute her just in case. If later on we find out she didn’t do it, hey, no harm done. She sucked anyway so who cares.
OCEANS ELEVENY UPDATE - okay so that is Scott Caan.
(4 more pics here. hq jump here. source = splash news online)
Christina Aguilera gave birth this morning in Los Angeles at around 4am. It is the first child for her and husband Jordan Bratman, whom she married in November of 2005. E! news says:
The couple announced the birth in a quick text message to friends and family around 4 p.m.: "Baby has arrived. Mom and dad are doing well!"
There were no further details immediately available. "As soon as I have more information I will let you know," the singer's rep said.
And a few hours earlier at the very same hospital, the Chupacabra gave birth to … god only knows … something ugly I promise you that. People says:
Nicole Richie and her boyfriend Joel Madden are the parents of a daughter.
Harlow Winter Kate Madden was born Friday at Cedars-Sinai Medical Center and weighed 6 lbs. 7 oz.
"The beautiful healthy baby girl left the hospital with her ecstatic parents," says the rep, who confirmed the birth to PEOPLE exclusively.
No word on when the first pictures of Harlow will show up, or if film will even agree to capture her image. There's no way around it, this bitch is gonna be ugly. I think a funny joke would have been for the doctor to take one look and then push it back in, saying "I don't think this ones done yet!" Nyuk-nyuk-nyuk!
