New reports today say that the Chupacabra bailed out of the rehab she checked herself into after just 72 hours. To go shopping. Seriously. MSNBC says:
"(the Chupacabra) checked herself into the Beau Monde, a swank $80,000-a-month treatment center in Newport Beach, Calif. The buzz is she’s seeking treatment for an eating disorder, but her reps insist that it’s merely to determine why she’s unable to put on weight. But after less than 72 hours in the center, Richie checked herself out, explaining that she wanted to go shopping … The staffers at Beau Monde begged her to stay .. 'Nicole is in complete denial and oblivious to how sick she really is.' "
I just hope and pray she gets the help she needs. It would be so sad if she died because … um … hm, I'm not sure how to finish that.
Nicole Richie is seeking treatment for what her spokesperson calls “an inability to put on weight.” Why? AIDS. Or maybe not. What am I, a doctor. Her rep says:
"Nicole Richie has decided to undergo diagnostic treatment to determine why she's not been putting on any weight. She is working with a team of doctors and specialists whose focus is nutrition. It is important to Nicole that she achieves this goal in a healthy way as this is not a treatment for an eating disorder."
Of course she’s gonna be skinny, she lives on goat blood and has Mexican farmers chasing her all night. That has to be exhausting. But still, who the hell cares. This chick doesn’t god damn do anything. Doesn’t that bother all these idiots who write the magazines. You might as well write about my paper boy. In fact I'd think rather fuck my paper boy, because sex with Nicole has to be absolutely terrifying. It should be one of the choices in Saw 4. Fucking her would be like fucking a fence. Honest to god, I’d rather put my penis in a bear trap. At least I could put some lipstick and a wig on the bear trap and make it look like a human girl. Unlike Nicole.
Nicole Richie and Brody Jenner ended their relationship Wednesday, after dating for almost three months. A PR rep for Richie said:
"Nicole and Brody are no longer dating but remain friends,"
Which is apparently news to Nicole Richie, who wrote on her myspace:
"I know there are rumors regarding my 'breakup' with Brody Jenner. The truth is, we were never really together. We hung out, and he's a nice guy, but my heart was never in it. Anything further is just a cry for publicity."
Listen you cricket-lookin bitch, no one is asking out your bony ass so they can be famous. That’s like asking a dalmation to get you a job as a fireman. The dalmation isn’t a real fireman, and you're not a real celebrity. You’re basically famous because you're ugly and dumb. You’re not even Lionel Richies real kid, which I guess explains why you look like some kind of demon. I'd rather be locked in a room with Predator than your annoying ass.
I was trying to find some word that meant "ugly" but also "disgusting" and "skinny" and "sickly" and "unpleasant" and "revolting" and "offensive". It turns out they dont make that word. But nothing else really describes Nicole Richie in tight jeans and giant glasses. She's so ugly and bony, she looks like a cartoon cricket, but it would be nice to have something more descriptive. So maybe we can all start saying "DISGUGLY" and "REVOLTSIVE" and people will be all like, "wait, you mean like Nicole Richie?" And then you can be like, "yes, yes exactly."
Oh sure, outfits like this look fantastic on beautiful Hollywood stars like Nicole Richie, but they would never look this good on me. And I think she knows it too. She was overheard saying, “all the dresses are so pretty, there’s no way I can choose just one!”
(umm, yeah, so there's nothing good going on yet today)
Maybe Brody Jenner doesn’t have to throw his cape over every puddle between Nicole Richie and her car, but I really don't think it's too much to ask that he at least acknowledge that his new girlfriend is about to roll into the street after stumbling down the brick stairs behind him. But, whatever the proper response may be, one thing we can all agree on is that my ass looks fantastic in those jeans I bought yesterday.
