Here’s a good idea. If you’re in the public eye and you want to keep your job, post only banal uplifting shit on social media. Don’t go for the class clown title or pass around bawdy viral gifs or joke about how you’re going to Africa but you can’t get The AIDS because you’re white. Nicolette van Dam isn’t just a Dutch actress, she’s a god damned UNICEF ambassador. That’s nearly two notches above Presidential fitness patch recipient in terms of prestige. Now, she’s gone and lost her Angelina Jolie peer title because she thought Tweeting a picture of Colombian soccer players trying to snort the referee sprayed penalty kick line was super funny. You know, because Colombians love to snort cocaine, even though it’s actually the Dutch and Americans, and people of the small nation state of Lichtenstein who actually snort the drugs. The Colombians just produce it so they can buy enough grain to have tamales through the winter. That tamale thing might be racist too.
Nicolette Tweeted an apology but it was too late. Colombia was already standing with their hands on their hips and a bitchy look on their face demanding justice. Nicolette had to resign from UNICEF, thereby removing her opportunity to heal the world through really awesome cocktail parties in Paris and New York. Now she’ll have to go back to being a simple Dutch soccer fan, making monkey sounds and throwing bananas at black players in the European leagues.
Photo credit: Nicolette van Dam/Twitter