It has been about two months since the 2014 Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue was released and Chrissy Teigen, Lily Aldridge and Nina Agdal were revealed as the cover models, and the buzz has basically completely died down. That’s probably because everyone who was freaking out about it and acting like it was huge news remembered that there’s more porn than anyone can handle on the internet, so a dozen girls in their bikinis might as well be a Sears catalog. But we should still be talking about Nina Agdal a lot, because she’s a pretty wonderful young woman with a very bright future ahead of her, especially if she keeps posting photos like this one on her Instagram account. She hasn’t necessarily inspired me to get in shape, as much as she’s made me shout, “TURN AROUND!” enough times to make my upstairs neighbor call the cops.
Nobody’s managed to more successfully mix the themes of cheap processed meat and the chances of having sex with a hot woman so well as Carl’s Jr.. Carl Karcher was a pretty conservative Orange Country guy, Bircher, didn’t like the gays too much, so they waited until the Carl’s Jr. founder died a few years ago to really whip out the tits and ass in support of his sandwiches. I think Paris Hilton was first, with the Herpes Bacon Southwest BBQ Burger which was really just their regular Southwest burger but with HSV2 in the place of onion rings. Nina Agdal is pushing their cod sandwich. You’ve got to really fucking love fish to order it at a fast food restaurants. Most alley cats wouldn’t even take that risk. But there’s no denying that consuming this sandwich could result in sex with Nina Agdal. Or dysentery. And not in equal likelihoods.
Photo Credit: Carl’s Jr
Photo Credit: Accessorize
Sports Illustrated has been pulling out all of the stops to both promote and celebrate this year’s swimsuit issue, because they consider this 50th anniversary issue to be a huge milestone. Is it a milestone because this magazine has thrived for so long despite the complaints of prudes and so-called feminists who don’t give a shit that women wear bikinis every single day of the year? Maybe. Is it a milestone because once the internet was invented and porn became about as readily available as sunlight nobody should have given a crap about whether or not Chrissy Teigen’s nipple might be visible between her fingers on her hand bra? Probably. Whichever the case may be, models from Nina Agdal to Christie Brinkley celebrated the issue last night, and it says enough that these girls can even make standing in front of trash cans and piles of sludge look hot.
Photo Credits: WENN.com
Sports Illustrated has done it this time. The once heralded leader in sports news coverage has gone and put not one, but three models on the cover of their 50th anniversary edition. When you consider the exponential work involved in Photoshopping not one, but three models in the same photo, you’ll understand that some underpaid pale dudes in a dark New York studio have some carpal tunnel flaring up fierce today. I’m not sure these girls were ever even on the same island for this group shot. I think one of them is using their high school year book photo morphed with the arms of a dead Australian long jumper. Two of these girls are actually men. If airbrushing tits were a sport, SI would be ESPN.
You can see the girls screaming and crying about their cover news HERE.
Photo Credit: Sports Illustrated
Photo Credit: Beach Bunny