By Lex August 19, 2014 @ 3:45 PM
If there’s one thing you need add to your bucket list, it’s getting an uncomfortable boner while checking out a promo girl behind a far away VIP rope line at a Las Vegas pool club. That’s really the best. Or the worst strip club proposition ever. Still, you get Vegas at 115-degrees. It’s a dry heat. You’re going home broke. You might as well tell people you caught a glimpse of what you think might be Nina Agdal’s ass in a bikini. Plus herpes, unrelated.
Photo Credit: Getty
By Lex July 22, 2014 @ 1:52 PM
I wonder what goes through your mind when you realize Adam Levine dumped you to marry a different cute foreign model. Probably something akin to being stuck in the TSA line and missing an airplane that ends up crashing. That’s God giving you a shot across the bow. For Nina Agdal, she’s taking her second chance to bone a new male model boyfriend. Next comes the locusts.
Photo Credit: Splash
By Lex June 27, 2014 @ 4:29 PM
I like the sexy siren bit. Would men really steer their ships into the rocky shores just to get some mystical pussy? Yeah, they would. Such is the power women forever hold over men. Also, the basic misogyny of ancient literature that college womyn with a ‘y’ are trying to vanquish with their pure hearts and angry undershorts. Why couldn’t the eons of literary succubi have been men? Because women don’t start wars to win back some kidnapped guy’s junk they dig. If a woman was navigating a ship and she heard some dude’s voice calling out from the foggy shoreline with the promise of a good shtup, she’s tell him to fuck off, creeper. See how that works? I get my feminist points today.
Photo Credit: Gosee Magazine
By Lex June 03, 2014 @ 4:15 PM
Whenever I look at male mannequins in the store, I pretty much know I’ll never look as good wearing the same thing. I can’t even match the emotion. I don’t know how women think when it comes to seeing supermodels pushing the latest bikini lines. Is this like Wonder Woman, where I don the costume and I instantly look pretty fucking desirable. Will wealthy men offer me a million dollars for an indecent proposal? What about the fat girls desiring to be body positive for whom there are no bikinis? Okay, they’re taken care of. Being a woman constantly bombarded with photos of perfect women looking perfect has to be rough. I wish I could hug all of you in your bikinis and tell you how beautiful you are. Yes, that’s my boner.
Photo Credit: Leonisa
By Lex April 30, 2014 @ 4:18 PM
I really like this girl. I hope America hasn’t ruined her yet. If she had remained in Denmark, she’d probably be shy and giggle at racy jokes and smile in the parades for the modestly communist government. Now that she’s in America modeling and making movies and experienced intimate moments with Adam Levine, she’s probably jaded and harsh and covered in microscopic organisms that reside in Levine jizz. I’d still let her rape me, assuming she hasn’t seen the Biden video yet.
Photo Credit: Banana Moon