Famous murderer and Samsonite salesman OJ Simpson was caught stealing cookies from the prison cafeteria. You’ll recall that OJ is serving jail time for armed robbery after he and some armed friends tried to snatch back some OJ memorabilia in Vegas. The report states that OJ was caught by a prison guard trying to sneak a dozen oatmeal cookies back to his cell. Stealing food is a big no no in the joint an can get you thrown into solitary. The guard shook out OJ’s prison uniform and the cookies all fell to the floor. They let him off with a warning…this time. It may seem like a small thing but you let a guy get away with cookie thievery and the next thing you know he’s jealously decapitating his ex-wife and a slicing open a random waiter he mistook for her new boyfriend. It happens just that quickly.
OJ Simpson was back in court yesterday asking for a retrial of his 2008 conviction for kidnapping and armed robbery, after he and a group of armed men went after two sports memorabilia dealers that OJ had accused of stealing from him. The 65-year old former NFL star is claiming that his then-attorney, Yale Galanter, fed him terrible advice during the original trial and possibly even failed to tell him about a plea deal that would have landed the Juice in prison for only two years, instead of his current sentence of 33 years that will likely see him die behind bars.
Friends and family attended yesterday’s hearing, and they reportedly couldn’t believe how tired and beaten OJ looked from spending five years in prison, to which Fred Goldman replied, “Yeah, it’s just awful” before delivering another crate of porn and cigarettes to the Lovelock Correctional Center in Las Vegas.
(Photo Credit: Getty)
If I had to rank the lasting horrible legacies of former NFL star and current prison queen OJ Simpson, they would go: 3) Kato Kaelin, 2) Reason that Kris Jenner and Kim Kardashian are famous and wealthy, and 1) Guy who didn’t kill two people (but probably did). Although Nos. 1 and 2 could be switched and I don’t think anyone but Fred Goldman would really protest.
Now that the Juice is locked away in prison and nothing but a terrible memory, the fine human beings at FOX are digging up two families’ most painful memories so America can ask itself: “Where were you when 100 million people slapped their foreheads in shock?”
Everybody remembers where they were when O.J. Simpson, riding in a white Bronco, led the police on a low-speed chase all over Los Angeles. This marked the emergence of the 24-hour news cycle and the birth of reality television. Written by Golden Globe Award winners Scott Alexander and Larry Karaszewski (“The People vs. Larry Flint,” “Man on the Moon,” “Ed Wood”), THE RUN OF HIS LIFE: THE PEOPLE V. O.J. SIMPSON (wt) will take viewers behind the scenes of “The Trial of The Century,” driven by the nonstop plot of a courtroom thriller and presenting the story of the trial as it has never been told. (Entertainment Weekly)
I’m not sure what story hasn’t been told. Maybe the story about how OJ’s lawyers told him, “Try to act like the glove is too small” or how Robert Kardashian didn’t know that OJ was sleeping with his wife and is the real father of Khloe Kardashian. You know, allegedly.
Yesterday, someone other than TMZ said that Robert Kardashian was not the biological father of Khloe Kardashian, so now TMZ has to do everything they can to undermine that, regardless of how ridiculous it looks.
Today, in a story about Robert filing to have his second marriage annulled, with the headline, “Robert Kardashian speaks from grave: I’m Khloes dad”, they say:
“Robert Kardashian swore that Khloe IS his biological daughter … torpedoing claims by his ex-wives that Khloe was fathered by another man.”
And it would too, if he had in fact sworn that Khloe is his biological daughter. In reality, he said:
“I decided that since I already had four biological children, I did not wish to have any more.”
Was he implying that Khloe was his biological daughter? Yes, probably. Did he swear to it? No, absolutely not, and he certainly didn’t say, “I’m Khloes dad.” Still, it’s nice to see that Robert bothered to get an annulment, instead of just chopping off his wifes head like his Heisman-winning assassin client did.
Oprah Winfrey said last week that she was determined to interview OJ Simpson and get him to finally confess that he murdered Nicole Brown and Ron Goldman on June 12, 1994.
Well that was easy.
According to the National Enquirer, the interview is set to be filmed after Simpson confessed he killed the pair in self-defense to a producer from inside prison.
“He told the producer: ‘Tell Oprah that yes, I did it. I killed Nicole, but it was in self-defense. She pulled a knife on me and I had to defend myself.’
“O.J. said he went home and kept getting angrier and angrier and worked himself into an absolute rage.”
Simpson allegedly told the producer he ‘didn’t like the way she treated me in front of the kids at the restaurant. I didn’t like that she was routinely having guys have sex with her at her condo with the kids there.
‘I went over there to give her a piece of my mind.’
When he arrived and no one answered at the house, he started pounding the door and shouting.
The door allegedly then swung open and Nicole was standing there with a kitchen knife in her hand.
‘O.J. told the producer, “she was yelling go away! Go away! And waving the knife around at me. At one point she was lunging at me with the knife and I was just trying to talk to her. Nicole stepped out of the apartment – slashing the knife in the air.
“I was in such a rage that something just snapped. I couldn’t take her constant taunting of me with other men or her using drugs and drinking while my kids were living with her. I went beserk.
“Before I knew what I was doing I took the knife away from Nicole and started slashing at her. I cut her over and over again until she was lifeless. I was shocked at my own anger – I had killed the woman I had loved for so long..”‘
He allegedly went on to tell the producer he also knifed Ron Goldman in self-defense as he tried to attack Simpson when he turned up at the home soon after and spotted Nicole’s body on the floor.
Unfortunately, today a spokesperson for Oprah said, “It’s not true.”
So does that mean OJ didn’t tell her producer this? Or are certain parts not true, and she’s pouting and issuing this blanket denial because the Enquirer got the details out before she did.
Because it sounds true. That story had a lot of details, and it totally sounds dumb enough for OJ to have thought up. According to the autopsy, the wound that killed Nicole was, “gaping and exposes the larynx and cervical vertebral column. It measures 5 1/2 x 2 1/2 inches.” In other words he damn near chopped her head off. The only time you can chop someones head off in self defense is if you’re a Jedi.
DAVE CHAPELLE – is creating a new show that will air on a subscription service like Netflix or Hulu, where all the best comedies are found. (the daily)
TUPAC – would have been 40 today, and his 1996 murder is still unsolved, but yesterday a man claimed that he was hired by rap mogul James Rosemond to rob and shoot Tupac. Pac survived but later was killed in a similar ambush. Rosemond is denying these charges, but we should tell him Justin Bieber called him a fag and dared him to retaliate just in case. (fox)
OPRAH WINFREY – has a plan to boost her fledging cable network, OWN; “I have a dream of O.J. Simpson confessing to me. And I am going to make that happen.” And I have a dream where the guards forget to search OJ before leaving him alone with Oprah, and then things don’t go so well if you catch my drift. (thr)
BELEN RODRIGUEZ – did a photo shoot today in Ibiza, Spain, and who is Belen Rodriguez, you may ask? She’s a model from Argentina who looked better in these pictures before I opened the thumbnails but after I bought them from the photo agency, that’s who. (splash)