Last year, while he was filming his new sci-fi movie Oblivion, Tom Cruise was in the middle of his divorce from Katie Holmes. But he needed people to remember that no matter what happened with this, his third divorce, he was still a walking, talking boner machine that loved having sex with hot women. And in this case, it was his co-star Olga Kurylenko.
Of course, even though Olga was dating someone else, she was still linked to Tom, because that’s just how it works when you spend your days with someone who slays as much pussy as he does. So they must have had a good laugh about that when they were together in Ireland last night for the premiere of Oblivion.
They probably also laughed when ex-Scientologist Samantha Domingo showed up to protest in a t-shirt that read, “Scientology Church of Forced Abortions”, referring to her accusations that the church once forced her to get an abortion. “You’re still hung up on that,” Cruise would chuckle before ordering a team of naked men to use their glittery genitals to deflect her evil energy. At least that’s how I assume it went down.
Olga Kurylenko (‘Quantum of Solace’, ‘Seven Psychopaths’) spent yesterday in Miami on the beach with her boyfriend Danny Huston, and even though this happened last week too, it still doesn’t make a lick of sense.
Not only is she 18 years younger than he is (she’s 32, he’s 50), but she’s probably more famous and richer than he is too (unless he has money from his dad). She’d still be out of his league even if she died a month ago and all he did was dig her up.
Danny Huston is a perfectly capable and likable actor (among many other parts he played Stryker in ‘Wolverine’) and he’s the son of legendary director John Huston, but he apparently dates Olga Kurylenko, the hot girl from ‘Quantum of Solace’ and ‘Hitman’, and that’s amazing because she is way way way out of his league. She’s so beautiful she doesn’t even have to be an actress; she could charge guys to piss and shit on them and make 10 million a year.
All the dumb websites and magazines and TV shows do lists at the end of the year, counting down and ranking everything you can imagine, and they’re all subjective and poorly thought out and painful to read. But nothing else is going on this time of year, and so here we go.
100. JASMINE FIORE WAS MURDERED – by her husband, who was a contestant on the VH1 show ‘Megan Wants a Millionaire’. He pulled out her teeth, cut off her fingers and threw her body in a dumpster. So at least he wasn’t a litterbug. (August 15th)
99. MICHAEL JACKSON DIED – This one should probably be higher on the list but fuck that dude. He was a pedophile and his music sucked. Good riddance weirdo. (June 25th)
98. SUSAN BOYLE IS AN OVERNIGHT STAR – Does it bother anyone that she can’t really sing? After the first 5 lines on her famous ‘Britain’s Got Talent’ appearance her voice completely went to hell. What do you, got asthma or somethin? (April 11th)
97. LINDSAY LOHAN SUCKS – The reviews for the debut of her fashion line could have been worse, but only if they included a bunch of racist name calling for some reason. (October 4th)
96. BRITNEY SPEARS IS STACKED – Britney wore a see-thru t-shirt while in Australia for her ‘Circus’ tour. It maybe wasn’t as newsworthy as Michael Jackson dying, but what can I say, I just really love looking at girls’ tits. (November 5th)
METALLICA – in a club that held little more than two thousand people. Metallica played a surprise one-hour show at the SXSW festival in Austin last night. Lead singer James Hetfield said, "Here is the grass roots. Here is the basis of why we like music. Artists getting up in front of 2,100 people and giving it what they got." And don't forget Austin’s fabulous shopping!(source = ap)
NATASHA RICHARDSON – Liam Neeson, her mom Vanessa Redgrave and her sister, Joely Richardson of “Nip/Tuck”, held a wake last night in NYC. A few hours earlier, more than 50 theaters across London's West End dimmed their lights to remember her. The day before, Broadway had done the same. She will be buried Sunday. (source = BBC)
OLGA KURYLENKO - these modeling pictures of actress Olga Kurylenko aren’t really relevant to anything, in fact they’re from 2004, but I don’t see girls in lingerie very much, so this is nice. Normally when I stick it to some hot supermodel, they’re pretty excited so they get naked right away, and when we’re done I don’t really wait around. They usually leave the money in an envelope by the door so I just head out.
"Quantum of Solace" star Olga Kurylenko poses naked – oh that’s right – naked for the … um … I have no idea, some version of Maxim. I have no idea what that is. It's some kind of demon language. But it's nice to see the Maxim editors over there are queers too, just like the ones here. There's only like 15 perfect women on earth, and this is one of them, and she took her clothes off, and they printed 4 pictures. 4. 1 2 3 4. There are more pictures of god damn Bigfoot than that, and that piece of shit isn't even real. There's no such thing, and they have home movies of it. This girl was standing right there, perfectly still, posing, and they only got 4 pictures. Oh, golly, sorry to bother you Maxim, was there not enough room in your camera case for a second roll of film because your soy milk and rape whistles were in there?