Tim Tebow Spares the Rod

By Lex December 01, 2015 @ 1:18 PM

Former Miss USA Olivia Culpo says she’s breaking up with Tim Tebow because he won’t plow her like a good man should. This despite Tebow being the world’s most famous no-sex-before-marriage disciple. That and he likes to spend Sunday with his mom are clearly right there on the bold face disclaimer. Still, hot chicks aren’t used to coming in second, even to Jesus.

I spoke to a friend’s grandfather who got married at eighteen, the day after high school graduation. I asked him why he got married so damn young. He said he couldn’t nail his girlfriend or any other girl until they got married so what was the point of waiting? Right-O. Tebow is twenty-eight and certainly has been turning down many good Christian women he can marry and proceed to bang babies into. At some point people are going to question if maybe you’re just avoiding the best subject ever. Let’s consult Russell Wilson. Talk about an escape artist.

Photo credit: Getty Images

Olivia Culpo Topless For Treats!

By Lex July 29, 2015 @ 9:03 AM

Olivia Culpo Oiled And Topless For Treats!
Olivia Culpo was the last Miss USA winner to mean anything since Trump glued on his hair and declared he hated Mexicans and soiled all that is special. Coming off a solid year as beard for Nick Jonas, Culpo has rotated 180 by stripping naked for a photoshoot that is only almost ruined by a dude sprayed down with sweaty glitter. Sometimes you do need a theme to convince a girl this isn’t just about seeing her tits. He’s Adonis, you’re Athena, now take off your top, Coco, fame costs.

Photo Credit: Treats! Magazine

Nick Jonas’ Miss America Girlfriend Means He Can’t Be Gay

By Lex October 13, 2014 @ 9:33 AM

Nick Jonas Girlfriend Olivia Culpo Wears A Bikini In Miami
Men who love cock like ISIS loves beheadings are accusing the prettiest Jonas brother of gay baiting by ripping off his shirt and flashing his six pack at gay bars, singing in Broadway musicals, all the while secretly loving the pussy of his Miss America girlfriend. It’s called a Jackman in street parlance. Nick Jonas denies the cockteasing charges. He claims hitting the Village bars has all merely been a planned marketing event to promote his new album, Fuck Me In My Hot Bottom Ass, or something like that.

“Everyone’s entitled to their own opinion. I think it’s unfortunate that some people have to find a negative in every situation. Clearly my heart is in the right place, and more than anything, if they just looked at my life and my gay friends and the authentic nature of where my heart is, they’d just see that they’re kind of ignorant.”

I’m trying to put myself in some really horny gay dudes stylish shoes. If a hot young female music artist was hitting my local dive bar, climbing on the tables, and flashing her tits while talking about pulling trains of fat drunk sods, I suppose I’d be disappointed when I found out she was really just chick who liked to scissor kiss other hot chicks until dripping wet and writhing in ecstasy. I’d probably masturbate thrice before the disappointment set in. but I can still feel the let down.

Photo Credit: PacificCoastNews

Finally, I’m Paying Attention to The Great Gatsby

By Lex May 06, 2013 @ 5:31 PM

Olivia Culpo In See Through Dress At Screening Of The Great Gatsby In NYC
Officially, every movie has to be in 3D now. It’s the Hollywood law of sucky films. Even 1920′s bromance tragedies, or comedies, I can’t remember the book that well or much from high school except Don’t Use the Second Floor Boy’s Room and JayJay sells the crack weed. But I’m pretty sure this whole ‘another Gatsby’ spectacle is going to be a horrible waste of time. Except for the cool ENT disease you can pick up from the 3D glasses the last sneezed on.

But, a bright spot. Miss Universe Olivia Culpo showed up to the screening wearing a see-through dress. Finally, a beauty pageant winner who gets how to make the world a better place.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet, INF, PCN, WENN

Miss Rhode Island is the 2012 Miss Universe

By brendon December 20, 2012 @ 4:31 PM


Olivia Culpo, a 20-year-old sophomore at Boston University and current Miss Rhode Island, became the first American in 15 years to win the Miss Universe pageant last night, when she… uh… won the Miss Universe pageant.

And of course she won. Look at the neckline on her gown, or on this costume that would be kinda patronizing if a foreigner was wearing it. This girl gets it. I know what people like, and what they like is tits.

(image source = getty, wenn)