AVATAR - has already made 1 billion dollars, only the 5th movie to ever do so, and it’s only been in theaters for three weeks. Wait, no, three months. Weeks. I don’t know, one of those two. What am I, on trial here? Leave me alone! (los angeles times)
MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY - His girlfriend gave birth to a girl yesterday, their second child in just 18 months. What a slut. Hopefully her new years resolution was to keep her pants on for 10 minutes. (us magazine)
OLIVIA MUNN - Despite telling Maxim last month that she was single, Olivia was out this weekend with her on again/off again boyfriend, ‘Star Trek’ star Chris Pine. More like Chris FINE, am I right?! Wait. No. No it is Pine. With a P. My mistake. (people)
MELISSA SATTA - is an Italian actress and model, and I don’t know much about her, but I do know that she was in Miami this weekend and that her ass is fantastic. It’s so firm looking, I feel like if I tried to hump it and missed my penis would crumple up like an empty beer can.
All the dumb websites and magazines and TV shows do lists at the end of the year, counting down and ranking everything you can imagine, and they’re all subjective and poorly thought out and painful to read. But nothing else is going on this time of year, and so here we go.
100. JASMINE FIORE WAS MURDERED - by her husband, who was a contestant on the VH1 show ‘Megan Wants a Millionaire’. He pulled out her teeth, cut off her fingers and threw her body in a dumpster. So at least he wasn’t a litterbug. (August 15th)
99. MICHAEL JACKSON DIED - This one should probably be higher on the list but fuck that dude. He was a pedophile and his music sucked. Good riddance weirdo. (June 25th)
98. SUSAN BOYLE IS AN OVERNIGHT STAR - Does it bother anyone that she can’t really sing? After the first 5 lines on her famous ‘Britain’s Got Talent’ appearance her voice completely went to hell. What do you, got asthma or somethin? (April 11th)
97. LINDSAY LOHAN SUCKS - The reviews for the debut of her fashion line could have been worse, but only if they included a bunch of racist name calling for some reason. (October 4th)
96. BRITNEY SPEARS IS STACKED - Britney wore a see-thru t-shirt while in Australia for her ‘Circus’ tour. It maybe wasn’t as newsworthy as Michael Jackson dying, but what can I say, I just really love looking at girls’ tits. (November 5th)
As if Maxim magazine wasn’t every nerds bible already, the January issue has fantastically awesome ‘Attack of the Show’ host Olivia Munn on the cover practically naked. The article inside explains that she’s been kidnapped and the only way to save her is to solve a series of riddles on a dangerous quest around your backyard, where instead of magic you use math, and battle will be done by spazzing out and kicking a tree with your eyes closed. At least I assume that’s what the article says. What else would dorks write about?
Yesterday I was throwing a little hissy fit because I thought Playboy was running an old Olivia Munn picture on their July cover, but today they have her pictures online and OH MY FUCKING GOD she looks terrific. She’s not actually naked, but it’s close enough. I’ve actually been working on a plan to make her my girlfriend. Here’s my plan so far: abduct Olivia Munn. Ta-da!
Nerds love G4 Attack of the Show host Olivia Munn even more than they love debating who would win in a fight, Joss Whedon or JJ Abrahms. They even love her more than they love Yoda, and make no mistake about it, nerds really really really love Yoda. So Playboy is playing with fire this month with Munn as the cover girl. Not only is she not naked inside, but either she only owns one bikini or Playboy just took a pic from her Complex magazine shoot from last February. And they didn’t even take an especially good one.
Playboy did this same kind of thing when they took a Jessica Alba pic from the movie, “The One Where She’s In A Bikini” and used it for their March 2006 cover, and I did this same kind of thing when I scanned this Denise Milani picture and tried to make a lady.
