Brett Ratner lied about “banging” Olivia Munn

By brendon November 08, 2011 @ 10:42 AM

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Brett Ratner had a perfectly terrible weekend, and that’s awesome because he’s a shitty director and an asshole and no one deserves success less than he does. Here’s a recap:

FRIDAY: Ratner explained that the reason his movies look like no one bothered to rehearse is because no one bothered to rehearse. Then he added the word “fags”.

“After a screening of his new movie ‘Tower Heist’ at L.A.’s Arclight Cinemas, the director came out for a Q&A, and when asked by the moderator whether he prepares and rehearses with his actors before shooting a scene, Ratner waved his hand dismissively and said, “Rehearsal is for fags.”

To be honest this seems dumb because he obviously wasn’t insulting gay people and he meant “fag” more like the way South Park explained it, but since gay groups are naturally inclined to throw hissyfits, that’s what they did, forcing him to apologize to save his gig producing this years Oscar telecast.

SATURDAY AND SUNDAY: ‘Tower Heist’ sort of tanked at the box office, finishing the weekend in second place with just $24 million, about 11 million less than it was expected to make. On the bright side that’s still 24 million more than a lazy copy of ‘Oceans 11′ except instead of Brad Pitt and Catherine Zeta Jones they have Eddie Murphy flirting with a 1400 pound moonfaced lump should have made.

MONDAY: Ratner admitted he was lying last week when he went on G4 and said he had sex with Olivia Munn. To be specific, what he said was…

“She was hanging out on my set of ‘After the Sunset,’ I banged her a few times, but I forgot her.”

Needless to say she didn’t really appreciate that. No girl would. Trust me, I haven’t been a virgin for months now, I know what a lady looks for in a lover.

Brett Ratner masturbates with shrimp

By brendon November 04, 2011 @ 12:53 PM

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You know how you’ll hear Hollywood stories about skeezy directors who use their status to get young girls to sleep with them? Well for the last 10 years most of those stories have been about Brett Ratner (this tub of shit), who somehow still gets jobs (like producing this years Oscar telecast) despite the fact the he’s never made a movie that was anything but awful.

For example:

In Olivia Munn’s memoir, “Suck It, Wonder Woman!: The Misadventures of a Hollywood Geek,” the far-too-intimate details of a short relationship with a bigwig Hollywood director are amongst many tales she recalled from her early days in Hollywood. Details such as seeing, “a grown man in an oversized shirt holding his undersized manhood in hands glistening with shrimp fat.”
On Thursday, Ratner came clean, saying that he was that bigwig director, but denied ever having such glistening, self-pleasuring hands.
“I used to date Olivia Munn, I’ll be honest with everyone here. But when she was ‘Lisa.’ She wasn’t Asian back then,” he said. “She was hanging out on my set of ‘After the Sunset,’ I banged her a few times, but I forgot her. Because she changed her name. I didn’t know it was the same person and so when she auditioned for me for a TV show, I forgot her, she got pissed off, and so she made up all these stories about me eating shrimp and masturbating in my trailer. And she talked about my shortcomings.”

To be honest the only issue I have here is that his movies suck and he doesn’t deserve to nail hot young girls. If this were Scorsese, he could fist a girl while holding a conch shell for all I care.

(image source of Munn on the set of ‘Magic Mike’ = inf)

Olivia Munn in a bikini on a jet ski for Carls Jr.

By brendon April 28, 2011 @ 4:36 PM

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Carls Jr. has once again made a commercial with a B-list star in a bikini (behind the scenes video under the cut), this time with Oliva Munn following in the unsteady footsteps of Paris Hilton and Audrina Patridge. These are such honest ads. Carls Jr. isn’t that great and neither are their models. It’s like a list of things you might consider if you were drunk.

(image source = splash news)

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Olivia Munn and Matthew Morrison went out

By brendon February 21, 2011 @ 1:40 PM

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Olivia Munn and Glee star Matthew Morrison went to Madison Square Garden yesterday to watch the Rangers and Flyers play, and he was probably hoping for more than a high five at the end, but to be fair, she did wear a flannel shirt. To a hockey game. It’s not like she didn’t warn him. It was the clearest message she could have sent without wearing a rape whistle around her neck.

afternoon headlines

By brendon January 19, 2011 @ 6:38 PM

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SELENA GOMEZ – is reportedly in a topless phone pic being shopped around, but her reps are denying that it’s her. And yes that’s the picture in question in the headline. I’m sure it’s fake but it’s hard to tell. I haven’t seen Selena Gomez naked as many times as you might think. (celebuzz)

THE OFFICE – will have a huge guest star next week when Ricky Gervais appears as David Brent (who of course was the main character in the original version of the Office in England). Though now that I think about it, all this does is make me want to watch the original. Which was way better. It would be like if you went on a date with a girl, and she brought a hotter, sluttier friend with her. Way to go NBC. (aint it cool)

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE – reportedly cheated on Jessica Biel with Olivia Munn a few months ago, and now he may be texting her again, claiming his relationship with Biel is through. In his defense, it might be true. Not in his defense, he’s a little weenie. (huff post)

MEL GIBSON – will probably face criminal charges for hitting Oksana Grigorieva, but his attorney Blair Berk had a meeting late Tuesday afternoon with the DA to try and get out of it. She should have given herself a black eye before she went, then said, “please, please don’t make me go back there with bad news.” It probably wouldn’t work, but I mean he’s screwed anyway so why not go for it. (radar)

Olivia Munn should be on more talk shows

By brendon January 13, 2011 @ 3:49 PM

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Olivia Munn is out promoting her new NBC sitcom Perfect Couples, and that means things like appearing in Maxim and going on David Letterman. Even better it means tweeting out pictures of her cleavage while waiting to go David Letterman. This would also be a good ad for whatever brand of cookies those are. The secret ingredient is tits.