Brett Ratner masturbates with shrimp

By brendon November 04, 2011 @ 12:53 PM

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You know how you’ll hear Hollywood stories about skeezy directors who use their status to get young girls to sleep with them? Well for the last 10 years most of those stories have been about Brett Ratner (this tub of shit), who somehow still gets jobs (like producing this years Oscar telecast) despite the fact the he’s never made a movie that was anything but awful.

For example:

In Olivia Munn’s memoir, “Suck It, Wonder Woman!: The Misadventures of a Hollywood Geek,” the far-too-intimate details of a short relationship with a bigwig Hollywood director are amongst many tales she recalled from her early days in Hollywood. Details such as seeing, “a grown man in an oversized shirt holding his undersized manhood in hands glistening with shrimp fat.”
On Thursday, Ratner came clean, saying that he was that bigwig director, but denied ever having such glistening, self-pleasuring hands.
“I used to date Olivia Munn, I’ll be honest with everyone here. But when she was ‘Lisa.’ She wasn’t Asian back then,” he said. “She was hanging out on my set of ‘After the Sunset,’ I banged her a few times, but I forgot her. Because she changed her name. I didn’t know it was the same person and so when she auditioned for me for a TV show, I forgot her, she got pissed off, and so she made up all these stories about me eating shrimp and masturbating in my trailer. And she talked about my shortcomings.”

To be honest the only issue I have here is that his movies suck and he doesn’t deserve to nail hot young girls. If this were Scorsese, he could fist a girl while holding a conch shell for all I care.

(image source of Munn on the set of ‘Magic Mike’ = inf)

Olivia Munn in a bikini on a jet ski for Carls Jr.

By brendon April 28, 2011 @ 4:36 PM

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Carls Jr. has once again made a commercial with a B-list star in a bikini (behind the scenes video under the cut), this time with Oliva Munn following in the unsteady footsteps of Paris Hilton and Audrina Patridge. These are such honest ads. Carls Jr. isn’t that great and neither are their models. It’s like a list of things you might consider if you were drunk.

(image source = splash news)

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Olivia Munn and Matthew Morrison went out

By brendon February 21, 2011 @ 1:40 PM

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Olivia Munn and Glee star Matthew Morrison went to Madison Square Garden yesterday to watch the Rangers and Flyers play, and he was probably hoping for more than a high five at the end, but to be fair, she did wear a flannel shirt. To a hockey game. It’s not like she didn’t warn him. It was the clearest message she could have sent without wearing a rape whistle around her neck.

afternoon headlines

By brendon January 19, 2011 @ 6:38 PM

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SELENA GOMEZ – is reportedly in a topless phone pic being shopped around, but her reps are denying that it’s her. And yes that’s the picture in question in the headline. I’m sure it’s fake but it’s hard to tell. I haven’t seen Selena Gomez naked as many times as you might think. (celebuzz)

THE OFFICE – will have a huge guest star next week when Ricky Gervais appears as David Brent (who of course was the main character in the original version of the Office in England). Though now that I think about it, all this does is make me want to watch the original. Which was way better. It would be like if you went on a date with a girl, and she brought a hotter, sluttier friend with her. Way to go NBC. (aint it cool)

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE – reportedly cheated on Jessica Biel with Olivia Munn a few months ago, and now he may be texting her again, claiming his relationship with Biel is through. In his defense, it might be true. Not in his defense, he’s a little weenie. (huff post)

MEL GIBSON – will probably face criminal charges for hitting Oksana Grigorieva, but his attorney Blair Berk had a meeting late Tuesday afternoon with the DA to try and get out of it. She should have given herself a black eye before she went, then said, “please, please don’t make me go back there with bad news.” It probably wouldn’t work, but I mean he’s screwed anyway so why not go for it. (radar)

Olivia Munn should be on more talk shows

By brendon January 13, 2011 @ 3:49 PM

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Olivia Munn is out promoting her new NBC sitcom Perfect Couples, and that means things like appearing in Maxim and going on David Letterman. Even better it means tweeting out pictures of her cleavage while waiting to go David Letterman. This would also be a good ad for whatever brand of cookies those are. The secret ingredient is tits.

Justin Timberlake cheated on Jessica Biel with Olivia Munn

By brendon October 27, 2010 @ 3:30 PM

olivia_munn_10 The new Us magazine says that Justin Timberlake banged Olivia Munn for three straight days this past September, and who could blame him for that, except of course his girlfriend Jessica Biel. Who probably, instead of congratulating him, will get all whiny about it.

Timberlake, 29, and Munn, 30, first met at a Sept. 26 MySpace event. After exchanging numbers, he “started chasing her immediately,” says an insider. Munn resisted his advances, telling him it was a no-go if he was still with Biel, 28. But Timberlake “has been telling people it’s over with Jessica, even though “the reality is he’s just doing it behind her back.” Believing he had left Biel and that her relationship with Timberlake might develop into something serious, Munn took him to her hotel, the Gansevoort Park Avenue NYC, Sept. 27 and 28, where “they were openly affectionate,” the insider adds. The insider tells Us the two “had amazing sex” that night.

If I ever get caught up in a lurid Hollywood sex scandal like this, I hope I have a source who says things like we had amazing sex. If they said, “Brendon mostly apologized and then cried,” you can see how that wouldn’t be quite as good.