Zayn Malik Expendable

By Matt March 20, 2015 @ 7:07 AM


If you had a legitimate band and one of the members left you’d start freaking out. If you’re a gaggle of twinks who move their lips on cue it’s not that big of a deal. Hence, Zayn Malik of One Direction is leaving the group’s World Tour due to stress. They will carry on without him because they already sold the tickets. Touring is supposed to be stressful but you deal with it by banging sluts and overdosing. One Direction sips chamomile while they look at their phones. Nice wardrobe, did you do it yourself? One Direction doesn’t play instruments or sing so it’s highly possible Malik will be replaced with whoever does the local car dealership commercials in the town they’re in. Yes, you still get your checks but you just ruined a chick’s first period story.

Photo Credit: Twitter 

Johnny Depp Is Hanging Out With One Direction Now

By Travis August 14, 2013 @ 10:00 AM

Johnny Depp has always liked to hang around with rock stars, make cameos in music videos and even perform on some albums, but it looks like the 50-year old’s mid-life crisis is getting a little worse than we’d previously thought. Sure, Johnny dresses like he’s 17-years old and he’s dating a girl who is 23-years younger than him, but hanging out with Zayn from One Direction (right) and Alexander DeLeon (from some other band I’ve never heard of)? I guess Justin Bieber‘s phone was disconnected.

Or maybe it’s just a last ditch effort to get One Direction fans to go see The Lone Ranger. I’d try to warn them, but it’s clear they can’t be rescued from bad taste.

(Photo Credit: Alexander DeLeon’s Instagram)

Harry Styles Let One Direction Eat His Candy Thong (VIDEO)

By Travis June 24, 2013 @ 11:00 AM

This video is almost a week old, but it’s worth sharing because it’s both great to see that idiot kids are still violently hurling random objects at the guys from One Direction at their shows and Harry Styles still isn’t fooling anyone. There have always been questions about Harry’s preferences, what with his zest for grabbing his bandmates’ dicks, so I just don’t see why he feels like hiding the truth anymore.

Be brave, Harry. Set a standard for the other entertainers who are afraid to admit their deepest, darkest secrets and tell the world the truth already – you have no talent. You’ll feel better for it.

Someone Hit Harry Styles In The Balls With A Shoe

By Travis February 27, 2013 @ 12:30 PM

In case you need proof that Scottish people are angry, violent and all-around fantastic, someone at One Direction’s show last night in Glasgow hit Harry Styles in the balls with a shoe. The boy band took a break between horrible songs to moisten their female fans’ panties, when someone chucked a shoe at the stage. The first throw missed, but the second throw nailed Styles right in his oil checker.

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