In what has to be the most random Hollywood hook-up in a long time, Jennifer Aniston and Orlando Bloom spent the weekend together at a resort in Mexico. At least I think that's Orlando. That's what the picture source said but it's kind of hard to tell. I don't know what brand cell phone the paparazzi in Mexico use to take their pictures, but you can't really see anything here. You could tell me this was Bigfoot and Batman, or Santa Claus and me and I'd almost certainly believe you eventually. They might as well have just written the words "Jenifer Aniston Orlando Bloom" on a piece of paper. It would save everyone a lot of time and still be every bit as good as these pictures. I could carve a Jennifer Aniston out of butter and it would look more like Jennifer Aniston than this nonsense.
UNSEXY UPDATE: Photos removed at the request of copyright holder, but not after a vigorous best-of-3 armwrestling battle royale. Next time, FlynetPictures.com, next time!!!!
Good news if you like footage of ghost pirates set to stirring music, because the first trailer for "Pirates of the Caribbean: At Worlds End" went online late last night. Um, and here it is. It's pretty scary, but it's got all the elements that made the first two movies so much fun, including monkeys in little outfits, stereotypes about black people and Johnny Depp saying something cool and then swinging across a ship. Although, to be honest, I think that last one might be some kind of special effect. I tried it and its practically impossible. To be fair, all I had was a rope in a tree, and I'm not that crazy about heights so I just kinda held the rope above my head and ran along the ground. Unfortunately my depth perception was all fucked up because of the patch over my eye and I ran into the tree, which appeared to be much further away than it really was. Overall I guess you'd have to say that the effect wasn't very similar to what they show here. That kind of bullshit really takes me out of the story.
It's easy to see why Orlando Bloom is such a devil with the ladies. Such a distinguished gentlemen. It's amazing he's not wearing a top hat and monocle, as he smokes a pipe and strolls the ground feeding the peacocks. He's like a prince, he is! And, oh my, he's just poured into that wetsuit. Rawr! Look at him, so confident in his sexuality, whatever that may one day turn out to be. No, I'm just kidding. If he were any gayer he have shoes with little bells on the tip.
The Daily Mail has something of a follow-up to last weeks rumor that Orlando Bloom is now dating the Most Beautiful Woman in the World. The Mail says:
Orlando Bloom has found new love in the arms of Marie Antoinette star Kirsten Dunst. The couple have been seeing each other for more than a month after becoming "close" on the set of Elizabethtown, released last year … last week they were spotted all over each other in Los Angeles hotel Chateau Marmont, not the place to go if you want to keep a blossoming romance under wraps, one source tells us, adding: "It's like coming out without actually issuing a statement."
There's not a word of this that makes a lick of sense. He's a hunk and she's a damn monster. Even I would throw my panties at Orlando Bloom, and Kirsten Dunst is so horrifically ugly, her pictures should be used instead of a tazer to stop criminals.
In Touch says that the monster seen above (aka - Kirsten Dunst) is now dating Orlando Bloom, who has been single since breaking up with Kate Bosworth two months ago. The monster has pretty much been single since ending her pretend relationship with Jake Gyllenhaal over a year ago. Hard to believe no one has snatched up this prize. Anyway, In Touch says It and Bloom were seen together Sunday at the hotel Chateau Marmount in Hollywood, on what was seemingly a date. A source says:
"They stayed in the lobby, even after last call. They were talking, flirting and kissing."
Yikes. At best I'll say that maybe Orlando thought he was helping. Maybe he saw Its disgusting pebble teeth and cold dead complexion and thought she was cursed by a witch, and only a kiss could break the spell. It's either that or he has some serious mental problems. You don't have to be Freud to figure out that anyone who punishes their penis by sticking it inside Kirsten Dunst is gonna be filled with self hate.
ET Online says that Orlando Bloom and Kate Bosworth have broken up after dating for the better part of four years. The couple's rep could not be reached for comment. And that’s pretty much everything ET said. It really seemed like they couldn't work up any enthusiasm for this at all. Maybe because Kate Bosworth and Orlando Bloom break up twice a week. And they've been doing this forever. In fact, they've been pulling this crap for so long, the first time they broke up, the press release was announced by a dude who blew a trumpet then unrolled a big giant scroll, and it began, "ye olde…"
