Padma Lakshmi in A Red Thong Bikini

By Lex February 09, 2015 @ 1:01 PM

I was thrown off last week by what appeared to be the tracings of a cock in Padma Lakshmi’s bikini bottom. I still think it’s there, I’ve just gotten a week older and realize I can’t be as particular as I was last Tuesday. That’s how time works. It grinds you down. You can’t stop it, you can only bend to accommodate. So your lady has a cock. She looks great in a bikini and she can cook. You can’t have everything. Just pray that it’s not bigger than yours. Or you’ll never hold the remote in your hands again.

Photo Credit: Splash

Padma Lakshmi Bikini Dick

By Lex January 30, 2015 @ 11:43 AM

Padma Lakshmi Friend Told Her It Looks Like She Has A Penis In Her Bikini
The Top Chef hostess posted a bikini picture of herself on Instagram announcing that her friend says it looks like she has a cock in her bikini bottoms. She added the caveat that her friend is gay so he sees cock everywhere. That’s a lot of information for one bikini picture. Also, I see the cock too. Maybe she shouldn’t have posted this one. There has to be a reason why billionaires keep banging her. Millionaires have sex with high maintenance celebrities they regret almost immediately. Billionaires employ attractive orphans that nobody will miss after they grow tired of them. But a hot Indian girl with a fat shlong who knows how to cook. I can see a Dell brother deciding that’s worth a portion of the empire.

Photo Credit: Instagram/FameFlynet/INF

Padma Lakshmi and Her Sports Bra Are Heroes

By Lex November 10, 2014 @ 6:09 AM

Padma Lakshmi Wears Sports Bra As She Walks To Her Car After Working Out
Ever since Alec Baldwin stopped gay hazing paparazzi and became super fucking boring, the horde of unwashed camera masses been swarming other lesser celebrities in New York. Padma Laskshmi could barely get to the car that takes her to the gym without running a gauntlet of photographers snapping photos of her well conditioned 40-something mom body. A zombie attack is a horrible time to realize you accidentally forgot to zip up your hoodie. Must get these tits to the gym. But Johnny has the keys.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI

Padma Lakshmi Braless for The AIDS

By Lex October 31, 2014 @ 9:49 AM

Padma Lakshmi Braless In Low Cut Dress At The Keep A Child Alives 11th Annual Black Ball
Damn if The AIDS charity events aren’t just bringing out the best in all of us. The Keep a Child Alive ball was the sight of so much celebrity tits last night, four gay men who would otherwise have had unprotected sex in the coat room got confused and perhaps saved a life. I don’t need to repeat myself on how effective boobs are in raising money. That goes for charities, doctor’s offices pharmaceutical sales, and grade school dunk tank fundraisers. They just make a man feel generous. The event itself honored the artistic director of Givenchy for donating thousands of silk scarf irregulars to the Congo to be used as prophylactics during higher risk forced intercourse in the bush. Also, open bar. Enough said.

Photo Credit: INF

Padma Tits Are What’s For Dinner

By Lex October 06, 2014 @ 10:06 AM

Padma Lakshmi Wears Busty Purple Dress While Walking In NYC
There’s no one recipe for celebrity success. But if I were concocting a formula, I might go for a heap of good looks and a teaspoon or sperm from a billionaire’s brother. Something like that worked for Padma Lakshmi who turned herself into a wealthy New York socialite and host of a cooking show simply by doing what needed to get done. Modern feminists measure victory by defeating men at their own sport. Women who get shit done measure victory by scoreboard. If you dip into your arsenal and find tits and ass, you’re way ahead of the poor shmuck who only finds bow and arrows.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI

Richard Gere Is Tantric-ing Padma Lakshmi

By Jack April 22, 2014 @ 12:57 PM

Pretty Woman Richard Gere has apparently been giving it to Top Chef hottie Padma Lakshmi. This in spite of the fact that he is currently in the middle of messily divorcing his wife Carey Lowell, a.k.a. that short haired model chick from Law & Order a decade ago. He was previously married to Cindy Crawford when he was younger and still shoving small woodland mammals up his rectum. Oh, fuck you, Snopes. Through the power of Tibetan meditation and mainlining Viagra directly into his cock the old man has managed to get it up enough to diddle Padma. She used to be married too to fatwa courting author Salman Rushdie before she decided it was best she make a baby with Michael Dell’s brother so she’d have a future. These two opportunistic horny fucks from different generations seem like they belong together. If Richard’s hips hold out during tantric sex with his new lady, and his credit rating exceeds a smart Asian kids SAT Math portion score, there could be a wedding coming soon.