By Lex November 05, 2015 @ 7:18 AM
Eddie Murphy’s Australian model girlfriend is set to give birth to Eddie Murphy’s ninth kid by his fourth breeding partner. So stop asking where the fuck is Eddie Murphy. He’s fucking. You don’t have nine kids by accident. Reproduction’s a thing you sometimes see women addicted to, but it’s odd for a man who doesn’t wear a sports jersey and move from town to town for a living. Eddie Murphy is rumored to spend his days watching TV and often comes off extremely curt and surly when interviewed. It’s possible he’s just tired from all that baby making. Male lions sleep 20 hours a day. Eddie Murphy sperm doesn’t come from the magic genie lamp. Now get me a seasonal latte and we’ll go at this again after Love Boat. Let’s call this one Marcus. Have I used that already?
Photo credit: Getty Images
By Lex April 07, 2014 @ 3:41 PM
Usually when your dad takes up with a hot young replacement for your mom, you can act out and start smoking cloves and underaged drinking and having sex with dudes who ride rice burners and have face tattoos. But what do you do when you’re already twenty and he replaces your mom with some white devil bitch with incredible tits? That teen rebel runaway shit will not play. All you can really do is strap on a thong and try to measure up until she gets eaten by a shark. But what if she is the shark? What if she starts whispering heinous shit like ‘The apples of his eyes shall never measure up to the peach upon his dick’ as she struts by to go hump your inheritance out of your dad. Tears and porn are your last two options. Measure them out in equal parts and you might stand a chance.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet
By Lex April 04, 2014 @ 6:38 PM
Eddie Murphy’s finest work in the past twenty years, not really measurable against any other projects, might just be Paige Butcher, the hot model he takes with him everywhere in case his dick gets itchy. She’s really a pretty damn attractive something much younger than Eddie year old lady. I’d like to think she and Eddie connect on a spiritual level as well as a physical one, but since Eddie himself probably doesn’t give a shit, now I feel pretty stupid just saying it. Paige will someday soon by the stepmother to Eddie’s semi-attractive daughters by way of the woman now married to lisping Michael Strahan. Paige will tell the girls she’s not there to replace their mother and the girls won’t believe her and will likely act out. This will force Paige to do that thing Eddie has asked her about for a while at which time she will convince him to financially cut ties with his daughters. Then she’ll walk kind of funny down to their room and laugh in their bitchy faces. The hot blonde woman always wins.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet
By Travis September 19, 2013 @ 10:00 AM
Eddie Murphy and his model girlfriend Paige Butcher were hanging out in Los Angeles yesterday, when they were greeted by two crossdressers who were trying to give them roses, and it’s funny because Eddie was once caught with a transvestite prostitute in his car one morning back in 1997 and we will never ever forget that. At least I think these women are crossdressers, because they’re just so gorgeous and exotic, and I’m not even sure how people can tell that they’re actually men. Maybe it’s the muscle tone or the way they talk, but otherwise I’d have a hard time believing that they’re not Kourtney and Khloe Kardashian.
(Photo Credits: WENN.com)
By Lex June 14, 2013 @ 1:42 PM
You’re not my new mom! That’s right, Bria. I’m taller, skinnier, and hotter than your mom. I wear my bikini slung so low that your daddy can see my pelvic bones pointing right to the place where he’s going to make your replacements. Also, he told me the other night he never really loved you. Suck on that.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet, PCN
By Lex June 12, 2013 @ 1:33 PM
Here’s the Australian model Eddie Murphy is currently banging. Just when I think I’m feeling bad for the dad of two attention seeking daughters in bikinis. Now I feel worse for two girls who have to vacation with their dad and his girlfriend. I’m not positive, but I think she’s not black. Not that it matters. Unless you’re his daughters yelling out ‘die white bitch’ as sounds of your dad banging the pale whore who replaced mom echo through your vacation villa.
Photo Credit: PCN