By Lex October 01, 2015 @ 10:27 AM
PETA has figured out that sex sells a message. Also that 95% of the general population loves eating animals more than making sure they have three square meals a day and subsidized cable. Consider naked ladies your last best option for changing minds. PETA used to run porn-disguised click bait on blogs for men that featured naked women and sex acts and led you to an animal rights page. They’ve put naked women with college loans and no idea how to pay for them into cages dressed as tigers and aardvarks. Aardvark if you showed up first that day.
Just for a Hollywood fundraiser PETA will drag out Joanna Krupa and Pamela Anderson and foie-gras style force feed them Stoli until their eyes are half open and their tis are half out. Does any of this work in changing hearts and minds? I don’t know. We’re still killing hormone injected cows with giant Wile E. Coyoto ACME hammers and the Japanese are still eating whale blubber with their Cheerios. Bob Barker already covered off the spaying and neutering business. All these tits may just be gratuitous. Which would make it PETA’s greatest accomplishment. The animals have to be laughing at us. Fuckers. Let’s eat.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet
By Matt August 17, 2015 @ 8:08 AM
I jerked off to this chick in high school. I’m now 78 years old. Pamela Anderson is the trophy wife you wish you’d divorced. And then remarried and divorced again just to cum on her numb tits while she showed all the emotion of a car getting a wax. Anderson is a big PETA supporter. I wonder where they test hep C drugs. Probably just on the carpet. Marrying Tommy Lee and the Paris Hilton fuck tape trust fund guy was a good move in retrospect. Most people try. You just said fuck it. Did that goat just eat you out or was it the other lesbian? Sorry, it’s a horse.
Photo Credit: Twitter
By Lex June 22, 2015 @ 12:48 PM
Pamela Anderson was bestowed the title of Countess of Giglio by a prince from Montenegro even though nobody is sure Montenegro is a real place and even those who do are pretty sure they have no royal family. It’s possible this was an elaborate cosplay arranged for on Craigslist Former Yugoslavia. He did wear a tuxedo so it seemed pretty official. The pretense of the honor was Anderson’s work saving marine life, which boils down to her being too broke ass to afford Red Lobster. Anderson’s two teenaged sons were there and also knighted which makes the story particularly icky. Though there’s got to be an age when you learn how your parents are paying for your shit. I dub thee Lady Jugs. Call me, Your Highness and pretend you’re my sister when I’m ready to blow. Yes, these coins with my face on it are legal tender.
Photo Credit: Instagram (above) FameFlynet (below)
By Lex May 21, 2015 @ 8:13 AM
The wide eyed animal lovers at PETA are pushing a line that cows are water hugging motherfuckers who will be the parched death of us all. I don’t know if that’s true. I feel confident I could take out a cow if it came down to me versus bovine for the final watering hole. During Gore’s global warming stampede PETA was buying ads to remind people that cow farts were cooking the planet and asphyxiating disabled children who sing hymnals from their attic windows. For an animal they seem hell bent on saving, PETA sure does have a poor opinion of cows. I’m a burger lover and I’ve never said a bad word about Guernseys in my life. Shower all you want, you will never be clean.
Photo Credit: David LaChapelle For Peta
By Lex May 08, 2015 @ 12:26 PM
Four times divorced and drunk-ass broke single mom only begins to describe the highlight of Pamela Anderson’s match.com profile. There’s the tits. You know those are comp as part of the package. Anderson is currently flipping through her Rolodex of former older dudes she used to bang hoping they remember her in better days or maybe just don’t remember much at all. You’re scrolling down pretty deep when Chuck Zito’s ticket comes up. Strap on that sheer dress, throw back the rubbing alcohol your sobriety supervisor failed to confiscate in her last sweep of your home, and dine like royalty. You were once a queen. Just like New York cabbies all used to be doctors. Never Neverland is as real as you want it to be, Wendy.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet/AKM-GSI
By Lex March 13, 2015 @ 10:42 AM
Pamela Anderson brought a young man out to the Gunman premiere and told everybody it was her son. It seemed relatively plausible. The kid worked the party with snippets of his mom’s sex tape on his iPad and politely asked all the older rich guys if they wanted to be his new daddy. Pam mainlined so much Botox into her temple that the right hemisphere of her body collapsed ten centimeters, from her eyelid down to her right tit. Pacquiao could have given her three lefts to the body and she’d have only noticed from the backwash of Jager streaming back out of her liver. Everybody gushed over Pam’s son since they hadn’t seen him since he was just a toddler. Neither had Pam, but again, not able to gush.
Photo Credit: Getty