By Lex November 09, 2015 @ 9:57 AM
Pamela Anderson went on social media, Tinder, and Backpage Dubai to announce that our long national STD nightmare is over. She’s cured of Hep C. There was no comment on the related ailments of alcoholism, bankruptcy, and pink eye. Anderson posted a mostly naked photo of herself on Instagram to celebrate. Like a department store grand re-opening sign.
“I am CURED!!! – I just found out #nomorehepc #thankyou #blessing #family #prayer #live I pray anyone living with Hep C can qualify or afford treatment. It will be more available soon. I know treatment is hard to get still…#dontlosehope #itworkedforme#thereisacure #love #happy#americanliverfoundation #celebration#Idontknowwhattodo #iwanttohelp#cannes #iloveboats #onthesea #free”
I love boats too, sweetheart. Still, I’m asking for a blood test at a lab of my choosing.
Anderson claims she was part of an experimental FDA drug designed to cure women who’ve shared cocks and needles with Tommy Lee. The hoi polloi are complaining that the Hep C medicinal treatment cost a thousand bucks a pill and remains out of reach of your more common street whores. Anderson encouraged those working women to be super famous twenty-five years ago if possible. Failing that, anal will get you to your financial goals thirty-percent faster. If there’s only enough medicine for some of us, that medicine needs to go to the chicks who refuse to commit to reducing their risky behavior in the future. C’mon, Hef, give us some Hepatitis drugs if you please.
Photo credit: Pamela Anderson/Instagram
By Lex October 27, 2015 @ 9:31 AM
Pamela Anderson’s passion for saving animals measures equally to her desire to throw back a couple or three Stoli and tonics and show off her most recent version of tits. Anderson seamlessly combines her two driving forces in a never ending set of braless appearances where even the animals are starting to casually shuffle a distance away when pictures are taken. Being slaughtered, cooked, and consumed by another species is not the worst fate. Old drunk lady fake tits make everybody nervous.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet/Getty
By Lex October 01, 2015 @ 10:27 AM
PETA has figured out that sex sells a message. Also that 95% of the general population loves eating animals more than making sure they have three square meals a day and subsidized cable. Consider naked ladies your last best option for changing minds. PETA used to run porn-disguised click bait on blogs for men that featured naked women and sex acts and led you to an animal rights page. They’ve put naked women with college loans and no idea how to pay for them into cages dressed as tigers and aardvarks. Aardvark if you showed up first that day.
Just for a Hollywood fundraiser PETA will drag out Joanna Krupa and Pamela Anderson and foie-gras style force feed them Stoli until their eyes are half open and their tis are half out. Does any of this work in changing hearts and minds? I don’t know. We’re still killing hormone injected cows with giant Wile E. Coyoto ACME hammers and the Japanese are still eating whale blubber with their Cheerios. Bob Barker already covered off the spaying and neutering business. All these tits may just be gratuitous. Which would make it PETA’s greatest accomplishment. The animals have to be laughing at us. Fuckers. Let’s eat.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet
By Matt August 17, 2015 @ 8:08 AM
I jerked off to this chick in high school. I’m now 78 years old. Pamela Anderson is the trophy wife you wish you’d divorced. And then remarried and divorced again just to cum on her numb tits while she showed all the emotion of a car getting a wax. Anderson is a big PETA supporter. I wonder where they test hep C drugs. Probably just on the carpet. Marrying Tommy Lee and the Paris Hilton fuck tape trust fund guy was a good move in retrospect. Most people try. You just said fuck it. Did that goat just eat you out or was it the other lesbian? Sorry, it’s a horse.
Photo Credit: Twitter
By Lex June 22, 2015 @ 12:48 PM
Pamela Anderson was bestowed the title of Countess of Giglio by a prince from Montenegro even though nobody is sure Montenegro is a real place and even those who do are pretty sure they have no royal family. It’s possible this was an elaborate cosplay arranged for on Craigslist Former Yugoslavia. He did wear a tuxedo so it seemed pretty official. The pretense of the honor was Anderson’s work saving marine life, which boils down to her being too broke ass to afford Red Lobster. Anderson’s two teenaged sons were there and also knighted which makes the story particularly icky. Though there’s got to be an age when you learn how your parents are paying for your shit. I dub thee Lady Jugs. Call me, Your Highness and pretend you’re my sister when I’m ready to blow. Yes, these coins with my face on it are legal tender.
Photo Credit: Instagram (above) FameFlynet (below)
By Lex May 21, 2015 @ 8:13 AM
The wide eyed animal lovers at PETA are pushing a line that cows are water hugging motherfuckers who will be the parched death of us all. I don’t know if that’s true. I feel confident I could take out a cow if it came down to me versus bovine for the final watering hole. During Gore’s global warming stampede PETA was buying ads to remind people that cow farts were cooking the planet and asphyxiating disabled children who sing hymnals from their attic windows. For an animal they seem hell bent on saving, PETA sure does have a poor opinion of cows. I’m a burger lover and I’ve never said a bad word about Guernseys in my life. Shower all you want, you will never be clean.
Photo Credit: David LaChapelle For Peta