Paris Hilton has taken Cannes by storm

By brendon May 24, 2012 @ 7:18 PM

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So, Paris Hilton went to Cannes, and she spun and twirled and posed on the sidewalk while some twink yelled her name so everyone would look at them as he pretended to be a photographer, even though it looks like he’s never actually seen a camera before and has no idea what it does, so he just kind of pushed it back and forth toward her on the off chance that maybe that would do something.

This is what you get when you have a plan hatched by fucking morons.

Lindsay partied until 7am again, this time with Paris Hilton

By brendon May 18, 2012 @ 4:10 PM

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Back in February, Matt Lauer asked Lindsay Lohan if she still goes to bars and parties, and because she wasn’t hooked up to a polygraph, she said “that’s not my thing anymore” and “I’ve become more of a home body and I like it.”

You’ll notice she made no mention of crawling out of some Hollywood Hills drug den at dawn (perhaps this one again) with Paris Hilton and Samantha Ronson. Which is what she really does. Like this morning for example.

(Lindsay) started her night at a Hollywood club before heading to the private Hollywood Hills party.
The three ladies joined Paris’ younger brother Barron Hilton and Brandon Davis at the Hollywood Hills mega-mansion for some late night fun that lasted until 7am this morning!
Police tell us that one of the neighbors in the residential community filed a noise complaint due to the blaring music.

Yeah I don’t care either. The sooner every single person in that story dies, the better. So here’s Australian model Tara Beaulieu, who is relevant because when Lindsay was too drunk to show up on time or do her job during her guest spot on ‘Glee’, Tara was her stand-in. Even though she’s way too firm, too tan, and too upright to look anything like Lindsay. They must film the show over in Oppositeville.

(image source = splash)

Jon Hamm > Kim Kardashian, part 2

By brendon March 19, 2012 @ 5:06 PM

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Jon Hamm told Elle UK last week that Kim Kardashian and Paris Hilton are “fucking idiots”, and he did that because Kim Kardashian and Paris Hilton are fucking idiots. Specifically, he said:

“Whether it’s Paris Hilton or Kim Kardashian or whoever, stupidity is certainly celebrated. Being a fucking idiot is a valuable commodity in this culture because you’re rewarded significantly.”

Once she heard abut this, and then had someone explain it, Kardashian wrote a reply on twitter, where she has over 14,000,000 followers because what Hamm said was 100 percent correct.

“We’re all working hard and we all have to respect one another. Calling someone who runs their own businesses, is a part of a successful TV show, produces, writes, designs, and creates, ‘stupid,’ is in my opinion careless.”

So this morning Matt Lauer gave Hamm a chance to explain his comments, and instead of apologizing like most Hollywood pussies would have done, he awesomely held his ground.

“I don’t think they were careless; I think they were accurate. It’s a part of our culture that I certainly don’t identify with, and I don’t really understand the appeal of it other than in a sort of car crash sensibility, and it’s not something that I partake in or enjoy, but it is what it is, and here we are.”

So far Kim has yet to reply to this, more than likely because she can’t tell if what he said was good or bad.

Paris Hilton has a terrific new song

By brendon February 23, 2012 @ 7:28 PM

Paris Hilton has a new spoken word techno single about texting, and if it’s possible, it’s even better than that made it sound.

Not only will it easily win all the 2013 Grammies, but they should give her all the 2012 Grammies too. I know they already gave most of those to Adele, but they should take them back and give them to Paris, this song is that good.

my, what a fancy party

By brendon January 16, 2012 @ 2:53 PM

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To be fair, maybe Lindsay Lohan didn’t sneak into last nights Weinstein Company party, because it seems Kim Kardashian and the Hilton sisters were also there. How prestigious! Suffice to say no one should touch anything in that room until it’s been boiled.

BREAKING NEWS: Paris Hilton is an idiot

By brendon January 04, 2012 @ 5:58 PM

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The bad news is that Us quotes Paris Hilton as saying: “I’ve earned $1.3 billion since 2005.” The good news is that’s not even remotely true.

“I’m involved in my products every step of the way. My fragrances are doing really well at the moment,” Hilton tells FHM UK’s January issue. “They’ve produced more than $1.3 billion in revenue since 2005.”

Obviously there’s a big difference between revenue and income, so, despite the headline on Us, Paris has not earned $1.3 billion. And she lies constantly so that number is probably completely made up anyway. I’m surprised she didn’t say eleventy quillion.