Paris Hilton is taking back the streets

By brendon November 19, 2010 @ 6:32 PM


Paris Hilton, in front of a camera crew while wearing a diamond Chanel necklace and black stiletto heels, volunteered her time today to help the Hollywood Beautification Team paint over graffiti, some of it tags left by the MS-13 gang. And she wasn’t even scared. She was laughing and smiling the whole time while disrespecting the Maras. She knows they’re too scared to do anything about it. “Them beetches aint gonna sheet, holmes” she probably said, mocking their Latin accents. Daammn. I guess we know who runs the streets of Hollywood, don’t we MS-13.

Paris Hilton was a drunk sexy Indian for Halloween

By brendon November 01, 2010 @ 2:12 PM


Paris Hilton went to the Playboy Halloween party dressed as someone I would probably have sex with, while her dumb sister went dressed like someone hired for a kids birthday party. Luckily, these are just pictures, so we can crop out Nikki and Paris’ fug little rat face and focus on her hot body and her nipple which was sort of poking out. Here’s to you, Inventor Of Photography!

Paris Hilton is topless

By brendon October 12, 2010 @ 9:37 AM


This week sure has been surprising, and not just because of summers unplanned pregnancies that I’m only hearing about now and need to deal with (time to move!) Yesterday there were new topless pictures of Kim Kardashian, and today there are sort of topless pics of Paris Hilton on some bikini photo shoot in Malibu.

She covers her chest for the most part (except for here) which is weird because her tits are clearly her best feature. If she’s gonna hide anything it should be that big dumb face of hers and her one and a half eyes. Someone go punch her in the stomach. That will fix this problem. Actually that will fix both of my problems in this post.

Paris Hiltons boyfriend ran over a paparazzi

By brendon September 30, 2010 @ 2:18 PM

Let’s just go through TMZs bullshit summary point by point…

It all went down as paparazzi swarmed the car as Paris and Cy Waits left Boa in West Hollywood.  The posse of paparazzi was all over the car, when suddenly Cy accelerated, knocking a photog down.

Tragedy strikes without prejudice. One minute you could be standing in the street in front of a moving car at night flashing bright lights into the drivers eyes, and the next you’re in the hospital. It’s all random, you have to make the most of every day. Promise me, after you’re done here, that you’ll go home to your loved ones, and hold ‘em tight.

The couple took off and the photog called the cops.

“This car just came out of nowhere!”

Paramedics were also called and took the female photog to a local hospital.

“We have a fattie with a boo-boo, I need double-bacon brownies and a fried chicken STAT!”

We’re told at some point later, Cy came back, sans Paris, and spoke with police. Law enforcement sources tell us Cy was cited for hit-and-run, then allowed to leave.

“Just so you know Mr. Waits, we’re gonna let them blast air horns and shoot flares at you from now on, too.”

And get this … sources say Paris is saying, “The pap is making up injuries.”

As if she isn’t gonna be rich enough once her pictures of Paris Hilton sitting in a car on a Wednesday night hit the open market.

Law enforcement sources also tell us they’re looking into all of the photogs, because flashing the lights could have blinded the driver … which may constitute interfering with the operation of a motor vehicle — which is also a crime.

“We hid some snakes in his car too, but that’s no reason for him to drive around at 5 miles per hour like some kind of maniac.”

(video source = pacific coast news)

way to go Japan. thanks a lot.

By brendon September 23, 2010 @ 2:58 PM


Paris Hilton was supposed to be in Tokyo today for a promotional appearance, and that would have been followed by stops in Malaysia and Indonesia. I don’t know much about those last two places but they sound dangerous as hell. The kind of place where white people get hacked into pieces. It was very encouraging. But then officials in Japan wouldn’t let her in, and now…

“I’m really tired,” said Hilton, who spent more than six hours being grilled by immigration officials at Narita International Airport. “I’m going back home.”
Hilton, 29, had been scheduled for an appearance in Tokyo today followed by visits to Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia, and Jakarta, Indonesia, later this week. Those stops have also been bagged.

God dammit what is your deal, Japan? You sent her back, and now that bitch won’t leave. Don’t you have monsters over there? Why didn’t you just feed her to one of them? If you were worried about some kind of political fallout, hey, look, if you say you haven’t seen her, that’s good enough for us.

(image source = splash news online)

aww screw you Japan

By brendon September 22, 2010 @ 1:07 PM

paris hilton airport 210910

Yesterday Paris Hilton was denied entry into Japan because, just hours earlier, she was sentenced to a years probation for possession of cocaine in Las Vegas. She landed in Tokyo, officials detained her, she stayed at a nearby motel overnight, and now…

Paris Hilton has flown back home to Los Angeles after she was barred from entering Japan.
Japan has strict immigration laws that bar entry to those convicted of drug offenses.
Hilton — who was set to participate in a fashion show and promote her perfume line with sister Nicky — Twittered that she was disappointed she had to leave and “miss” her fans in Asia.
“I promise to come back soon,” she vowed. “I love you all! Love Paris xoxo.”

Hey what the fuck Japan? Look, we don’t want her either. Do we really have to let her back in? There has to be some crooked official here that can find a loophole so we can do the same thing Japan did. What about that name of hers? Sounds French to me. Is she a French spy? Maybe. Do you wanna just sit there and find out the hard way? I know I don’t.