Paris Hilton is a good person

By brendon September 15, 2009 @ 3:19 PM

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Paris Hilton was in Milan, Italy last night, and during an event at a “gay friendly” club, she initially refused to hold a sign that read, “Stop Homophobia”. Later she said it was a misunderstanding. I was so impressed, I went and told her so.

ME: Hey Paris. I’m glad you held up that sign. I feel the same way, I think gay people should have the same rights as everyone else.

PARIS: (nsfw language)

ME: Am I a faggot? What does, I mean no but … look, never mind. I just think you and I agree on this and might have more in common than I thought.

PARIS: (nsfw language)

ME: You know what never mind. You’re a fuckin idiot.

Who the hell invited her?

By brendon September 04, 2009 @ 5:11 PM

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Paris Hilton and her boyfriend who I think is named Greg also walked the red carpet for the ‘Bad Lieutenant’ premiere in Venice, and even though they at least dressed up it still begs the question, “… what?”  What in the hell are those dullards doing there?  The only time I would invite Paris Hilton and her lover to my movie is if it was a trick and I needed someone to inject with experimental AIDS medicines.

Paris Hilton did Cristiano Ronaldo

By brendon June 11, 2009 @ 10:56 AM

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The timeline for last night seems to be that Paris Hilton broke up with Greg (aka, “Doug”) Reinhardt, then hit some clubs, then about two hours later she went home with international soccer star Cristiano Ronaldo.  She’s nothing if not resilient.

They both went to MyHouse last night and left at around 3 AM for a Ron-dezvous at Nicky Hilton’s pad, according to X17. Cristiano left at around 5 AM

Um, so I don’t actually care about Paris Hilton or the list of victims her poisoned womb is attacking, but I very much do care about hot Asian girls who are mostly naked.   In honor of that, hey look, it’s Jamie Chung.  The last 4 pictures were in a magazine but the first three have never been seen before.  Big deal photographer Randall Slavin (more from him here and here) took them for Maxim.  Ronaldo should have put the moves on Jamie instead.  Why Paris?  You might as well fuck a garbage can.  Her vagina has just as much room and disease, but at least the garbage can won’t make you listen to it’s crappy record.

Morning headlines

By brendon June 11, 2009 @ 7:55 AM

EXCLUSIVE: Chantelle Houghton Sunbathing In France (USA AND OZ O

MISSION IMPOSSIBLE 4 – I think I’m the only one who feels Mission Impossible 3 is completely awesome, until the final ten minutes. Philip Seymour Hoffman is the best actor alive, and Maggie Q is so GD hot I’d rather masturbate to the words “Maggie Q” on a piece of blank paper than a Playboy. Somehow my point to all this is that the great JJ Abrams has confirmed he’s back on board for number 4. (source = IGN)

PARIS HILTON – is single. She broke up with that guy whose name I can’t remember. Actually I’m not sure I ever knew it. Greg? Greg. I think it was Greg. My best friend from high school is named Greg. He’s a doctor now. (source = people)

CHANTELLE HOUGHTON – This is the internet and I’m a slave to bikini pictures so they go up almost no matter what, and that’s very much the case with this UK reality “star”. She’s not that good looking, and she needs to lose 10 pounds, but since the dawn of time man has wondered what Kumar would look like with implants and a bikini. Picture 4 has the shocking answer! (source = flynet. hq jump = here)

They’re all whores

By brendon June 08, 2009 @ 9:33 AM

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A few weeks I mentioned the great Mark Ebner and his website Hollywood Interrupted after he posted a list of Playmates that also worked as high-end call girls.  Victoria Silvstedt was the big name on the list, making up to 30 grand a day when she took clients in Dubai.  Point being, Ebners latest book is called “Six Degrees Of Paris Hilton”, and now he has an unpublished excerpt that reveals Paris Hilton used to kinda-sorta fuck for money too.

I got in touch with Elizabeth Jawhary, a former Hollywood party girl who claims she serviced both Burkle (Ron Burkle, who founded several supermarket chains including SoCal giant Ralphs) and Field (Ted Field, heir to the Marshall-Field department store chain and co-founder of Interscope Records) on occasion.
Indeed, when I first contacted her, she was quick to volunteer, “With Paris it was very low key. She would fly down and I was there with them. We would party pretty hard. Paris got naked, and the girls would get naked. This was mainly in Vegas. There were times where you would have Ted or Ron come down, and they would pretty much pay for girl-on-girl action. I’d be there. And they’d pay to watch us girls going at it.”

Much of this happened on Burkles private plane, and it’s probably more of a case of everyone being coked out of their minds than real prostitution.  I guess the novelty was that it was a Hilton, because her fug ass couldn’t make money as a whore any other way.  I’d rather have Frankenstein with a machete on my plane than Paris Hilton as she begs for attention.

Bruno vs Eminem, part 4

By brendon June 01, 2009 @ 1:27 PM

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Still no definitive answer as to whether Eminem knew Sacha Barron Cohen was going to 69 him on TV last night, but E! now has what is probably the most likely scenario…

(Eminem) was aware that Brüno would be falling on him—but not while wearing a butt-baring thong. And though Eminem stormed out of the Gibson Amphitheatre, the hip-hop star didn’t leave; he hung out in his trailer until the show was nearly done.

Life and Style says much of the same but adds that so did Paris Hilton, because that’s who Bruno asked first.

…producer Mark Burnett cleared the prank with the rapper beforehand. However, Eminem wasn’t aware of exactly how naked Sacha would be when he agreed to do it!
A second insider also confirms that Eminem was actually Burnett’s second choice. The first? Heiress Paris Hilton, who, luckily for her, declined to participate.

Oh, ooh, yeah.  Wouldn’t want to offend her delicate sensibilities.  As if that do-nothing whore hasn’t had random balls dropped on her chin a thousand times already.  Probably wouldn’t even be the first time a guy with a camera in an angel costume had done it.  Doing the same thing on TV seems to be the next logical step.