Deadmau5 hardly even knows Paris Hilton

By brendon September 09, 2011 @ 4:50 PM


Yesterday TMZ reported that Paris Hilton was on “a quest to become most POWERFUL female house musician of all time”, and that she had become so close with Deadmau5, perhaps the biggest DJ on earth right now, that he has made her his protege.

To which Deadmau5 replied, “wait, what?”

HEY WORLD… im not teaching Paris Hilton how to DJ. fuck already! she showed up to a show, and shit, ill be friendly to just about anyone who isnt a fuckin asshole. and she was respectful and polite, and all around nice to chat with, so i let her be a ghost… how the fuck does it end up all “im producing her next album” or “teaching her to be a DJ” if she wants to do whatever she wants, let er! i dont give a fuck… but why am i involved all of a sudden?

So, he met her once and was polite to her, and then “a source” told TMZ he was practically in love with her, and begging to make her next hit record. Hmm. I wonder who the source could have been that was so keen to get Paris Hiltons name in the press. You go get your detective cap and I’ll get my giant magnifying glass and we’ll see if we can find some clues.

Lindsay would rather just party with the Hiltons

By brendon August 10, 2011 @ 2:42 PM


On July 21, a judge called Lindsay Lohan into her courtroom because she was ignoring the conditions of her probation (oh, gosh, no way), and what seemed to bother the judge most was that she hadn’t bothered to sign up for psychological counseling. So she gave Lindsay 21 days to do that. That was 20 days ago, and so far I can’t find anything saying she’s done it yet (though maybe she has).

In her defense, that shit sounds boring, and she’d rather go to Paris and get high with the Hiltons.

Instead of doing community service, Lindsay was spotted at Lollapooloza in Chicago over the weekend, and was at the Coldplay concert in Los Angeles last Wednesday and now the unemployed actress wants to go party in Europe with Paris and Nicky Hilton (who are) currently vacationing in the south of France.
“Lindsay wants to go to Europe to spend time with Paris and Nicky. Lindsay’s advisors are telling her it’s just not a good idea for her to go. But, Lindsay doesn’t have any travel restrictions on her, she can travel internationally.”

Oohh, Europe, huh? I’ve been hearing a lot about London lately. It sounds, uh, “exciting”. Does she want to go there? Because I’ll pay for her ticket right now.

Paris Hilton walked out of an interview

By brendon July 20, 2011 @ 2:37 PM

I can’t imagine why, but Good Morning America did an interview with Paris Hilton, and you’ll be amazed to learn she doesn’t think her time in the spotlight is over, and if you imply otherwise she’ll throw a little hissy fit.

Yet the ratings for (her new show ‘The World According to Paris’) have been bleak, and the low numbers have many entertainment writers asking whether Hilton’s run in the limelight — which started at age 16 — is now over.
Though Hilton said that she doesn’t feel that the people following in her footsteps, like Kardashian, are overshadowing her, and that the ratings on the show being low don’t bother her, she walked out of the interview with the mention of her moment having passed.

She later returned and explained, “I like to entertain people and make people smile.” So with that in mind, let’s see how she ended the interview. But first, if you want, here’s an article from this morning about the heat wave that’s choking the midwest. The heat index in Knoxville, Iowa, was 131 degrees yesterday. It was 124 in Freeport, Illinois. 13 people have died. A guy in Oklahoma died while mowing the lawn. His core body temperature was 108.

But I digress. Let’s get back and see how Paris ended the interview and made people smile.

When Hilton did return later to answer more questions, she managed to end the interview on an affable note, showing off her massive, air conditioned dog house.

Hmm. I’m not gonna lie to you, I’ve seen better examples of someone not being a spoiled cunt.

everything is someone elses fault

By brendon June 06, 2011 @ 2:49 PM


Paris Hilton, who no one likes and who doesn’t actually do anything, is reportedly furious at the Oxygen network, which no one watches, because she “worked her tail off doing promotion” for her new show and then no one watched it.

Gosh I wonder why? I better put on my pipe and thinking cap to solve this mystery. Oh, wait, never mind, Paris already has it figured out.

“Paris is furious that the show didn’t premiere at the time it was supposed to,” an insider tells me when speaking about ‘The World According to Paris.’ “She worked her tail off doing promotion and publicity for the show and then because of a technical mistake, the show aired at a completely different time in a lot of markets.”

Yeah that must be it. It’s not because of Paris. She did all that promotion and was electrifying. Like here, when she went on the radio and shook her head “no” for 10 minutes. But that was just a teaser. On the show you could watch Paris not do anything at the mall, in her car, and at a club. It’s an entertainment extravaganza.

Paris Hilton went on Opie and Anthony

By brendon June 03, 2011 @ 2:38 PM

Jim Jefferies has a bit about the 10 commandments where he says that instead of 10 all you really need is one; Try not to be a cunt. Just try. Do your best. It’s good advice in life, and even better advice for going on a radio show.

Well yesterday Paris Hilton did an interview with Opie and Anthony and Jim Norton, and she didn’t do that. Instead she was a boring cunt. She was there to promote ‘The World According to Paris’ (which desperately needs it), and her plan to do that was to sit perfectly still and occasionally mumble for 10 minutes. What a natural born entertainer she is. After seeing this I want to go buy another DVR so I can tape her show twice.

Paris Hilton is upset bc people assume she’s a slut

By brendon June 01, 2011 @ 1:12 PM


Paris Hilton and her mom were on CNN last night, so obviously this was no time to talk about her infamous sex tape.

I’m just kidding, that’ll be fine. But only so Paris can talk about how she doesn’t want to talk about it.

“This is not what I planned. I didn’t want to be known as that.
“And now when people look at me they think that I’m something I’m not just because of one incident one night with someone who I was in love with.
“People assume ‘Oh, she’s a slut’ because of one thing that happened to me and it’s hard because I’ll have to live with that for the rest of my life and explain it to my children.”

Aww, the poor little lamb. It’s not fair. It’s like, you sell one home movie of yourself on your knees blowing some guy or getting fucked from behind while you positon your face to make sure the camera is filming you, or you yell about “niggers” at a party, or how the “blacks … steal shit”, or you flash your tits during a 5 day coke binge, or while stoned on a yacht, or get arrested with coke or smuggle coke in your vagina, and all of a sudden people make these assumptions and try to label you as some kind of “party girl”. We’ve all been there. Let he who is without sin cast the first stone, I say.

(image source = splash news)