Paris Hilton has a terrific new song

By brendon February 23, 2012 @ 7:28 PM

Paris Hilton has a new spoken word techno single about texting, and if it’s possible, it’s even better than that made it sound.

Not only will it easily win all the 2013 Grammies, but they should give her all the 2012 Grammies too. I know they already gave most of those to Adele, but they should take them back and give them to Paris, this song is that good.

my, what a fancy party

By brendon January 16, 2012 @ 2:53 PM


To be fair, maybe Lindsay Lohan didn’t sneak into last nights Weinstein Company party, because it seems Kim Kardashian and the Hilton sisters were also there. How prestigious! Suffice to say no one should touch anything in that room until it’s been boiled.

BREAKING NEWS: Paris Hilton is an idiot

By brendon January 04, 2012 @ 5:58 PM


The bad news is that Us quotes Paris Hilton as saying: “I’ve earned $1.3 billion since 2005.” The good news is that’s not even remotely true.

“I’m involved in my products every step of the way. My fragrances are doing really well at the moment,” Hilton tells FHM UK’s January issue. “They’ve produced more than $1.3 billion in revenue since 2005.”

Obviously there’s a big difference between revenue and income, so, despite the headline on Us, Paris has not earned $1.3 billion. And she lies constantly so that number is probably completely made up anyway. I’m surprised she didn’t say eleventy quillion.

Deadmau5 hardly even knows Paris Hilton

By brendon September 09, 2011 @ 4:50 PM


Yesterday TMZ reported that Paris Hilton was on “a quest to become most POWERFUL female house musician of all time”, and that she had become so close with Deadmau5, perhaps the biggest DJ on earth right now, that he has made her his protege.

To which Deadmau5 replied, “wait, what?”

HEY WORLD… im not teaching Paris Hilton how to DJ. fuck already! she showed up to a show, and shit, ill be friendly to just about anyone who isnt a fuckin asshole. and she was respectful and polite, and all around nice to chat with, so i let her be a ghost… how the fuck does it end up all “im producing her next album” or “teaching her to be a DJ” if she wants to do whatever she wants, let er! i dont give a fuck… but why am i involved all of a sudden?

So, he met her once and was polite to her, and then “a source” told TMZ he was practically in love with her, and begging to make her next hit record. Hmm. I wonder who the source could have been that was so keen to get Paris Hiltons name in the press. You go get your detective cap and I’ll get my giant magnifying glass and we’ll see if we can find some clues.

Lindsay would rather just party with the Hiltons

By brendon August 10, 2011 @ 2:42 PM


On July 21, a judge called Lindsay Lohan into her courtroom because she was ignoring the conditions of her probation (oh, gosh, no way), and what seemed to bother the judge most was that she hadn’t bothered to sign up for psychological counseling. So she gave Lindsay 21 days to do that. That was 20 days ago, and so far I can’t find anything saying she’s done it yet (though maybe she has).

In her defense, that shit sounds boring, and she’d rather go to Paris and get high with the Hiltons.

Instead of doing community service, Lindsay was spotted at Lollapooloza in Chicago over the weekend, and was at the Coldplay concert in Los Angeles last Wednesday and now the unemployed actress wants to go party in Europe with Paris and Nicky Hilton (who are) currently vacationing in the south of France.
“Lindsay wants to go to Europe to spend time with Paris and Nicky. Lindsay’s advisors are telling her it’s just not a good idea for her to go. But, Lindsay doesn’t have any travel restrictions on her, she can travel internationally.”

Oohh, Europe, huh? I’ve been hearing a lot about London lately. It sounds, uh, “exciting”. Does she want to go there? Because I’ll pay for her ticket right now.

Paris Hilton walked out of an interview

By brendon July 20, 2011 @ 2:37 PM

I can’t imagine why, but Good Morning America did an interview with Paris Hilton, and you’ll be amazed to learn she doesn’t think her time in the spotlight is over, and if you imply otherwise she’ll throw a little hissy fit.

Yet the ratings for (her new show ‘The World According to Paris’) have been bleak, and the low numbers have many entertainment writers asking whether Hilton’s run in the limelight — which started at age 16 — is now over.
Though Hilton said that she doesn’t feel that the people following in her footsteps, like Kardashian, are overshadowing her, and that the ratings on the show being low don’t bother her, she walked out of the interview with the mention of her moment having passed.

She later returned and explained, “I like to entertain people and make people smile.” So with that in mind, let’s see how she ended the interview. But first, if you want, here’s an article from this morning about the heat wave that’s choking the midwest. The heat index in Knoxville, Iowa, was 131 degrees yesterday. It was 124 in Freeport, Illinois. 13 people have died. A guy in Oklahoma died while mowing the lawn. His core body temperature was 108.

But I digress. Let’s get back and see how Paris ended the interview and made people smile.

When Hilton did return later to answer more questions, she managed to end the interview on an affable note, showing off her massive, air conditioned dog house.

Hmm. I’m not gonna lie to you, I’ve seen better examples of someone not being a spoiled cunt.