Paris Hilton charged with felony possession of cocaine

By brendon August 30, 2010 @ 2:39 PM


Paris Hilton was charged with felony possession of cocaine today in Las Vegas, and if convicted, she could face a minimum of one year in jail. This all began Friday night after she was pulled over for suspicion of smoking marijuana, leading police to find .8 grams of cocaine in her purse.

Okay now and try and guess if Paris was undone by good old fashioned police work, or because she’s so fantastically stupid she literally took the cocaine from it’s secure hiding spot and dropped it into the cops hand. The answer may surprise you. (NOTE: It won’t surprise you.)

TMZ says that after being pulled over…

…a crowd (gathered), Hilton said she was “extremely embarrassed” and asked the cop if she could go to the bathroom at the Wynn Hotel.
At the hotel, Paris told the cop she needed lip balm so the cop handed Paris her purse: “As she began to open it, I saw a small bindle of what I believed to be cocaine in a clear baggie begin to fall from the purse and into my hand.”

The good decision making marathon continued after that when Paris told the cops it wasn’t her purse and she didn’t know about the cocaine, but did admit that all the other stuff in the purse, such as $1300 in cash and credit cards, were hers. Keep in mind when girls go out they usually have some tiny purse that holds only a few small things. But Paris would have you believe this purse was like a top hat in a magic show, you can reach in up to your shoulder, and WHO KNOWS what you’re gonna find in there. Lip balm, cocaine, some doves or a dozen roses, Paris is just as surprised as the rest of us.

Paris Hilton was arrested with cocaine

By brendon August 30, 2010 @ 9:31 AM


Paris Hilton was arrested for possession of cocaine Friday night in Vegas, the third time this summer she’s been detained by police for drugs (1, 2), and the third time this summer I’ve hoped someone is cutting coke with ground up glass. Us magazine says…

Police pulled over a car that (Hilton) was riding in Friday night on the Las Vegas Strip because officers thought they smelled marijuana smoke.
They then found an undisclosed amount of cocaine in Hilton’s purse.
Hilton was booked around 2 a.m. on a cocaine possession charge and was released.

That’s her Vegas mug shot above there. As you can see, she’s not real concerned about this. She should be though. Vegas cops don’t screw around. Someone is probably in her car planting the gun that shot Tupac as we speak. You’re gonna hang for this, Hilton.

someone tried to kill Paris Hilton :)

By brendon August 24, 2010 @ 12:28 PM


Just a few hours ago, Paris Hilton went on her twitter to say that one of her biggest fans tried to break into her house this morning and give her a stabby present lol.

“So Scary, just got woken up to a guy trying to break into my house holding 2 big knifes. Cops are here arresting (him).”

And then she posted the picture above (full size copy here) showing this young go getter in handcuffs, being hassled by the man. This is obviously very sad and serious but Paris Hilton sucks so who gives a fuck. Life is a precious gift, but let’s not get carried away.

DISAPPOINTING UPDATE – Look, everyone wants to stab Paris Hilton to death, I don’t think anyone has come here today to dispute that, but I don’t think it would have killed this guy to plan this out a little better. Paris told Radar she woke up when she heard the suspect banging on her windows and her dogs barking loudly. “What a scary sight to wake up to. I can’t believe the knives he was carrying. Thank god the police arrived quickly.”

Friday morning headlines

By brendon August 20, 2010 @ 11:08 AM


MIRANDA KERR – has confirmed the rumor that she’s pregnant. (popeater)
* don’t I know it, heh-heh-heh *

WYCLEF JEAN – is not on the list of candidates for Haitis presidential election, perhaps because he did not meet residency requirements (he was born in Haiti but left when he was 9 and grew up in New York). It’s Haitis loss. What if they need a mixtape, where will they find the freshest new beats? Not in the Presidential palace, I can tell you that. (nydn)

PARIS HILTON – Threw a hissyfit at a party in Vegas because Kim Kardashian (whose first hint of fame came when Paris would bring her to red carpet events) was flown in on a private jet, while Paris had to pay her own way. She was also jealous bc Kim is way more popular now, and has more high profile boyfriends. Turns out guys don’t like it when your vagina secretes a deadly toxin. Surprising but true! (us)

KIM KARDASHIAN – was at the Season 5 premiere of ‘Keeping up with the Kardashians’ last night, and to class things up they also invited whoever the hell Josie Stevens is. She wore a dress that hugged her unique shape and a little pilots cap, probably bc she had to fly right back home to Whore Island. (splash, wenn)

Paris Hilton is a damn witch

By brendon August 11, 2010 @ 9:34 AM


Two weeks ago Paris Hilton was topless on a yacht in Italy (4 new pics start here), and last night she was at a party in West Hollywood for the launch of her perfume Tease, and somehow between then and now she grew fantastic tits.

This is why guys hate girls. You meet them and it’s all a god damn lie (like this scene from ‘I’m Gonna Git You Sucka’). 10 days ago she was flat as a board, nothing has changed since then, but you’d think she has D’s. Not even a fucking werewolf changes this much at night.

Read more >

Where’s a shark when you need one

By brendon July 26, 2010 @ 2:11 PM


The Sun has this picture of Paris Hilton draining a bottle of Cristal while on a raft in the ocean, instead of on a raft in the jaws of evolutions perfect killing machine, which is what would have happened if karma was a real thing and not just stoner hippie nonsense. That this worthless cunt has the time and money to do this is even more offensive because she also could have done it in the pool on her yacht, which is apparently a thing that exists.

“Our yacht is incredible! Has its own pool, hot tub, movie theatre, recording studio, spa/massage room, gym, arcade room, helicopter pad and the most beautiful bedrooms and decor.
“I’m in Heaven on the water. Definitely the biggest and best yacht everywhere we go. Loves it! Huge… Another beautiful day in paradise! What more could a girl ask for?”

I know what I could ask for. A feeding frenzy, and headlines that say something about natures savage fury.