everyone hates Paris Hilton

By brendon September 21, 2010 @ 5:43 PM

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Just hours after appearing in a Las Vegas courtroom yesterday to enter her plea agreement for cocaine charges, Paris Hilton was detained by officials at an airport in Tokyo.

It should have been simple enough, because if there’s one thing foreign countries love, it’s Americans with criminal records entering their country, but for some reason things aren’t going so well. E! says…

She was scheduled to make an in-store appearance in Tokyo Wednesday, but that’s in jeopardy after she was detained upon landing at Japan’s Narita Airport.
Immigration officials detained Paris upon arrival. Anyone on a suspended jail term (such as Hilton) is not allowed to enter Japan except for “special reasons.”
Paris is reportedly staying in an airport hotel overnight while the situation gets sorted out, and she may return to the United States without making her scheduled stops in Malaysia and Indonesia.

I know it goes without saying at this point, but wow. Paris Hilton is a fukcin moron. The only thing the Asians are better at than making girls I want to have sex with is following rules. Of course they stopped her dumb ass. Or maybe they saw her wonk eye and thought she was making fun of them. A good caning should get the truth out of her.

Paris Hilton avoids jail time on her cocaine charge

By brendon September 20, 2010 @ 11:20 AM

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When Paris Hilton was arrested with possession of cocaine in Las Vegas on August 27th, she faced up to a year in jail if convicted. And since she absolutely did it, going to court was not the greatest idea. So today she plead guilty in a deal that avoids all jail time.

Clark County District Attorney David Roger says Hilton has agreed to plead guilty Monday to drug possession and obstructing an officer…
Hilton will serve a year of unsupervised probation and complete a drug abuse program under the plea agreement.

People complain because drugs are illegal in this country, but from what I can tell they’re not. These Hollywood people get arrested all the time but no one ever goes to jail.

You know how sometimes you’ll see a list of weird old laws that are still on the books, like it’s illegal to get a horse drunk, or you can kill the Irish on Mondays or some shit like that? In Hollywood the drug laws are like that, except these have uglier mugshots.

Paris Hilton hid cocaine in her vagina

By brendon September 08, 2010 @ 7:33 PM

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Paris Hilton used to hide cocaine in her vagina to sneak it past airport police when traveling, according to a new book. And also, just, according to common sense. It just seems like something she would do.

The book was written by former ‘Girls Gone Wild’ cameraman Ryan Simkin, and he claims ‘Girls’ founder Joe Francis once had him deliver cocaine to Hilton during a photoshoot for Seventeen magazine. After that, the Hollywood Reporter says…

Hilton was leaving for Europe, Simkin writes, and he alleges he brought her a little Camel cigarette box filled with cocaine and ecstasy for her trip.
“I asked if she was flying private, and she said, ‘No, commercial.’ And then as politely as I could, I asked her how she planned on traveling with that amount of blow and X,” Simkin writes in the book. “She held the box in her right hand, and then with an underhand swoop like a lower case J, she demonstrated exactly how she intended to beat airport security. She even whistled as she did it. A little alley-oop with the Camel Box, straight up her snatch. Classic.”

The only part I don’t believe is that this whore is tight enough to keep a small cigarette box inside of her. It would bounce around, she would sound like a rattle. She would still get caught because the cops would think she was smuggling a piggy bank.

it doesnt matter if Paris Hilton is lying

By brendon September 07, 2010 @ 5:53 PM

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When Las Vegas police found cocaine in Paris Hiltons purse last week, she claimed she didn’t know anything about it, because it wasn’t her purse. She borrowed the purse, and she never knew there was any cocaine inside, she said. That was a lie very obviously, but can the Vegas police prove it’s a lie?

Turns out they don’t actually care either way. The LA Times says…

Whether Paris Hilton owned the purse she was carrying that contained cocaine is irrelevant, Las Vegas police say.
What is important is she had possession of it with narcotics inside, they say.
Hilton has insisted the purse she was arrested with Saturday night is not hers. And in the days since, several websites have produced photos she allegedly posted on Twitter before her arrest of the purse in question.
But Las Vegas Police Metro police say what is relevant are the credit cards, cash and prescription medications inside the purse that did belong to her.
“We took the narcotics but gave her back the purse. It does not matter if she says the purse is not hers, it was in her possession,” Las Vegas Officer Barbara Morgan said in an e-mail to the Times. “I cannot tell you how many times I have found narcotics in people’s pants pockets, and they tell me the pants are not theirs. We don’t take their pants from them.”

And to prove she’s too dumb to even be nervous, Paris went down to Hawaii this weekend with her boyfriend, Cy Waits. I’m surprised he had time in between his 40 weekly upper body workouts. It’s tough, but looking like a former wheelchair athlete who can walk again now always is.

Thursday morning headlines

By brendon September 02, 2010 @ 12:02 PM

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PARIS HILTON – is lying. She said she borrowed the purse that had cocaine in it when she was arrested in Vegas. If that’s true, she borrowed a purse identical to this one, which she bragged about on twitter in July. Shocking, isn’t it? Just when you think you know someone. (radar)

ELLEN POMPEO – has 12 toes. At least according to this nonsense. I don’t mean to brag, but I think I know a toe when I see one. (daily mail)

KELLEN LUTZ – of ‘Twilight’ was seen outside his Studio City apartment yesterday, and there haven’t been many pictures of him on here before, but now it makes sense. Now I get why those girls at the pool thought I was Kellan. I mean, my eyes are more of a piercing blue obviously, but I had sunglasses on, so, yeah, from this distance, I can totally see it. (fame)

Paris Hilton might actually be in trouble

By brendon August 31, 2010 @ 4:00 PM

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These stories never turn out the way I want them to (with a hanging, and crows), but Paris Hilton could be in real trouble after Las Vegas police found almost a gram of cocaine in her purse this weekend.

Hilton is claiming it wasn’t her purse and she didn’t know the coke was there, but as a legal analyst for CBS news points out, that’s fuking retarded.

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