Paris Hilton Showed Off Her Vagina For Her Birthday

By Travis February 17, 2014 @ 12:00 PM

Paris Hilton turns 33 years old today, so naturally she celebrated over the weekend with a huge, star-studded party that featured some of the biggest names in music, movies, TV and fashion. Except, all of their invitations must have gotten lost in the mail, because the only people that showed up to Saturday night’s event at Greystone Manor that I’ve heard of were her parents and Corey Feldman. Paris is a shrewd tactician, though, and she knows how to make people stop talking about how her most famous friend is an 80s child actor who wants to be Charlie Sheen and focus on her. Naturally, she didn’t wear underwear and she flashed her vagina to everyone on the red carpet. Honestly, though, even her parents probably said, “Seen it already” because the only way Paris could shock us with her vagina would be to close it.

Photo Credits: Brian To/

Winner Winner Herpes Dinner

By Lex February 07, 2014 @ 5:14 PM

Paris Hilton began her DJ-in-residence at Harrah’s Atlantic City this past week. It’s kind of like when Stephen Hawking becomes a resident scholar for a semester at M.I.T., if Hawking had a lazy eye instead of Lou Gehrig’s disease. Not only is Paris raking in $100,000 a night to run parties by the pool, but she also cleaned up at the blackjack table to the tune of fifty grand. She posted a picture of her winnings on Instagram, as if just wishing you had mad DJ skills and a teenaged boyfriend like Paris Hilton wasn’t enough to covet. It’s unclear what Paris intends to do with her recent windfall, though her herpes charity, Get Your Blisters Off My Business, seems certain to receive a sizable cash infusion.

Photo Credit: FameFlynet,

Some Very Attractive Women And Paris Hilton Celebrated Super Bowl Weekend

By Travis February 03, 2014 @ 10:00 AM

While you were serving up lukewarm canned chili and mildly-roofied Bud Light at your own Super Bowl party this weekend, the 11th annual Leather and Laces party in New York City was the perfect event for anyone who wanted to stare at the world’s most attractive women for two nights while not giving an actual shit about football. Alessandra Ambrosio, Adriana Lima, Bar Refaeli and Brooklyn Decker attended the party at Liberty Theater and probably made the rest of the women feel really inadequate, but then Paris Hilton showed up and the other guests breathed a collective sigh of relief. Hell, they all could have looked like someone threw acid on Rocky Dennis and people would have still been trying to figure out why Paris was standing next to the Victoria’s Secret A-squad.

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Paris Hilton Went To Another Grammy Party

By Travis January 27, 2014 @ 12:00 PM

When you’re the world’s greatest DJ like Paris Hilton, and there’s simply nobody else on this planet who can press play on iTunes like you can, the only reason to even pay attention to the Grammys is for all of the pre-parties thrown by music’s biggest stars, like Jay Z’s big party in Los Angeles on Saturday night. Paris could have gone to the Grammys like some stupid musician looking for validation from the industry’s biggest names, but she already knows that the zeroes on the paychecks that she receives from really desperate nightclubs mean that she’s better than all of the other spoiled rich kids who didn’t need a job and turned to playing electronic music as a “career.” Paris Hilton – 1, the rest of the music industry – 0.

Photo Credits: Winston Burris/

Paris Hilton Wins the Pre-Grammy Party

By Lex January 24, 2014 @ 3:15 PM

Paris Hilton Wears A Revealing Dress To A Pre Grammy Party In Los Angeles
It’s going to be forever difficult for anybody to outdo Whitney Houston’s bathtub performance at the pre-Grammy party two years ago, but Paris Hilton is taking a stab at it. Recognized as a major recording artist herself in several Persian Gulf nations, Paris sewed herself a dress meant to look like she was showing off the place where she hides her cocaine from the police. But it’s all just an elaborate illusion of shadow and cloth and Valtrex salve. Paris is no wasted racist kid anymore. She’s turning 33 next month. You can really see her blossoming into a mature woman. Well, you can almost see.

Photo Credit: Pacific Coast News, WENN

Paris Hilton’s Breasts Will Save Haiti

By Travis January 13, 2014 @ 10:00 AM

Despite the fact that this weekend was supposed to be all about the biggest stars in Hollywood and the hard work they put into the TV shows and movies that are honored at the Golden Globes by people who love having their asses kissed, a lot of really big stars took some time to give back on Saturday, as they attended Sean Penn’s third annual Help Haiti Home Gala in Beverly Hills. There was no greater star in attendance than Paris Hilton, though, as the world’s most talented and successful DJ hit up the red carpet and arched her back so people were tricked into believing she has large breasts. Unfortunately, Pam Anderson soon walked by, causing the photographers to ask, “Hey, who’s that boy with the long blonde hair in the pink dress again?”

Photo Credits: FayesVision/Guillermo Proano/