Schwarzenegger’s Kid Promotes His Biz Well

By Matt December 31, 2014 @ 7:38 AM


Patrick Schwarzenegger has been pounding Miley Cyrus for a while pro bono. At this point it makes sense to strap a billboard on her. Schwarz’s goblin headed mom has invested in an up and coming pizza chain called Blaze. This means he’s either snagging some of that money or just promoting it non stop so the shadow ops don’t have him disappeared. This chick is stoned enough she doesn’t know what she’s wearing. Tell her it’s Marc Jacobs or fucking Gallagher who smashes watermelons. Who cares. It’s also highly possible she’s just wearing the dunce hat and they’re all dividing the money in stacks near the pier. Regardless if you like Subway sandwiches but crave trans-fat definitely take Miley’s cue and check this place out. You’ll eat anything when you’re blazed as fuck.

Photo Credit: Instagram

Maria Shriver Is Anti Miley Cyrus

By Matt December 11, 2014 @ 8:08 AM


Maria Shriver reportedly disapproves of her potentially legitimate child Patrick Schwarzenegger dating Miley Cyrus because she’s best known for getting wasted and having midgets spread her ass cheeks for screaming teens and naughty Hungarian men who remember strip clubs under Communist rule. Shriver reportedly cancelled her trip to Art Basel in Miami when she found out Cyrus would be there with her son smoking a joint in pasties and drinking herself into a full Cosby ready stupor. Shriver is a real stickler for character. That’s why she married a dude with a dozen credible sexual harassment suits on file who liked to fuck things that moved within in his sightline. Its unclear if Patrick gives a shit what his perma-scowl faced mother thinks, since it is unclear whether his trust fund has kicked in or not. Based on who he’s bringing to Christmas Dinner I’d say probably yes.

Photo Credit: Instagram 

Miley Cyrus Handles Her Schwarzenegger

By Lex December 08, 2014 @ 11:37 AM

Miley Cyrus And Patrick Schwarzenegger Go Jet Skiiing In Miami
Miley Cyrus finally found a fella that makes her smile even when she’s morning almost sober. You can’t really do better than a Schwarzengger. The way Maria and Arnold banged the shit out of everybody but each other for thirty years, it’s hard to declare his lineage with any certainty, but I bet he’s hoping his dad’s a foreign diplomat with real hair, not the incoherent roid bastard who cold porked the maid. Those are some heavy emotions. The kind that can only be assuaged as a randy platypus with her own daddy issues fondles your balls from the back of your Jet-Ski. Watching two young adults who hate their parents fuck each other’s brains out still makes me tear up.

Photo Credit: INF

Patrick Schwarzenegger Rides a Giant Pool Sweep

By Lex June 17, 2013 @ 6:00 PM

Patrick Schwarzenegger Rides A Flyboard While Vacationing In France

Patrick Schwarzenegger is the heir apparent to dear old dad. He’s already boning hot models, runs a couple stupid rich kid businesses, and can give one hell of a speech about philanthropy while doing so. While the rest of the family seems shattered and getting made fat by the unshocking revelation of Arnold banging a baby into the housemaid, Patrick seems to be enjoying the hell out of himself off in St. Tropez. He’s got his father’s survival skills. Just keep on fucking and smiling no matter what’s going on around you. In terms of dickish qualities, it’s almost admirable.

Photo Credit: Bauer-Griffin

Arnold Schwarzenegger’s Son Is A Tough Guy

By Travis May 07, 2013 @ 10:00 AM

It must be pretty cool to be the son of the star of such legendary action films as The Terminator, Total Recall and Jingle All the Way, as Arnold Schwarzenegger was Hollywood’s biggest badass for at least two decades. But Patrick Schwarzenegger, who has carved himself a nice little niche as an extra in Adam Sandler movies, is apparently trying to establish his own bad boy street cred now, as he was tossed from the Sayers Club in Los Angeles on Saturday night after chucking ice cubes at the DJ and generally behaving like a “total pain in the ass” according to TMZ.

Outside the club, the 19-year old aspiring actor ate an ice cream bar while he told people how he wanted to fight the DJ. Sure, Patrick comes across as a total douchebag in the video, but all he has to do is say that the DJ was playing and I’m pretty sure the law would allow him to kick the DJ’s ass.

(Photo Credit: Getty)

Patrick Schwarzenegger Is Banging His Mom

By Lex April 01, 2013 @ 1:07 PM

Maria Shriver Family Beach
Somebody is not handling his parents messy divorce so well. Patrick Schwarzenegger is nineteen, rich, and the male model scion of a famous family. He’s the toast of teen girls discovering their sexuality by way of Tiger Beat celebrity day dreams in the bathtub. He can literally have sex with any young women on this planet. But he’s gone with Taylor Burns. A woman who looks like his mom. I bet he cries during sex mumbling shit about dad knocking up the housekeeper. Work it out, son, and go find yourself a smoking hot Victoria’s Secret model. That’ll hurt your daddy so much more.

Photo Credit: FlameFlynet