By Matt December 11, 2014 @ 8:08 AM
Maria Shriver reportedly disapproves of her potentially legitimate child Patrick Schwarzenegger dating Miley Cyrus because she’s best known for getting wasted and having midgets spread her ass cheeks for screaming teens and naughty Hungarian men who remember strip clubs under Communist rule. Shriver reportedly cancelled her trip to Art Basel in Miami when she found out Cyrus would be there with her son smoking a joint in pasties and drinking herself into a full Cosby ready stupor. Shriver is a real stickler for character. That’s why she married a dude with a dozen credible sexual harassment suits on file who liked to fuck things that moved within in his sightline. Its unclear if Patrick gives a shit what his perma-scowl faced mother thinks, since it is unclear whether his trust fund has kicked in or not. Based on who he’s bringing to Christmas Dinner I’d say probably yes.
Photo Credit: Instagram
By Lex December 08, 2014 @ 11:37 AM
Miley Cyrus finally found a fella that makes her smile even when she’s morning almost sober. You can’t really do better than a Schwarzengger. The way Maria and Arnold banged the shit out of everybody but each other for thirty years, it’s hard to declare his lineage with any certainty, but I bet he’s hoping his dad’s a foreign diplomat with real hair, not the incoherent roid bastard who cold porked the maid. Those are some heavy emotions. The kind that can only be assuaged as a randy platypus with her own daddy issues fondles your balls from the back of your Jet-Ski. Watching two young adults who hate their parents fuck each other’s brains out still makes me tear up.
Photo Credit: INF
By Lex June 17, 2013 @ 6:00 PM
Patrick Schwarzenegger is the heir apparent to dear old dad. He’s already boning hot models, runs a couple stupid rich kid businesses, and can give one hell of a speech about philanthropy while doing so. While the rest of the family seems shattered and getting made fat by the unshocking revelation of Arnold banging a baby into the housemaid, Patrick seems to be enjoying the hell out of himself off in St. Tropez. He’s got his father’s survival skills. Just keep on fucking and smiling no matter what’s going on around you. In terms of dickish qualities, it’s almost admirable.
Photo Credit: Bauer-Griffin
By Travis May 07, 2013 @ 10:00 AM
It must be pretty cool to be the son of the star of such legendary action films as The Terminator, Total Recall and Jingle All the Way, as Arnold Schwarzenegger was Hollywood’s biggest badass for at least two decades. But Patrick Schwarzenegger, who has carved himself a nice little niche as an extra in Adam Sandler movies, is apparently trying to establish his own bad boy street cred now, as he was tossed from the Sayers Club in Los Angeles on Saturday night after chucking ice cubes at the DJ and generally behaving like a “total pain in the ass” according to TMZ.
Outside the club, the 19-year old aspiring actor ate an ice cream bar while he told people how he wanted to fight the DJ. Sure, Patrick comes across as a total douchebag in the video, but all he has to do is say that the DJ was playing will.i.am and I’m pretty sure the law would allow him to kick the DJ’s ass.
(Photo Credit: Getty)
By Lex April 01, 2013 @ 1:07 PM
Somebody is not handling his parents messy divorce so well. Patrick Schwarzenegger is nineteen, rich, and the male model scion of a famous family. He’s the toast of teen girls discovering their sexuality by way of Tiger Beat celebrity day dreams in the bathtub. He can literally have sex with any young women on this planet. But he’s gone with Taylor Burns. A woman who looks like his mom. I bet he cries during sex mumbling shit about dad knocking up the housekeeper. Work it out, son, and go find yourself a smoking hot Victoria’s Secret model. That’ll hurt your daddy so much more.
Photo Credit: FlameFlynet
ARNOLD SCHWARZENEGGER – had lunch with his son Patrick today, and things seem to go fine. Which sucks because wouldn’t it be badass if he went all apeshit with some kind of Oedipus complex. The Kennedys are all nuts so I figure there’s still time. (popeater)
KIM KARDASHIAN – is now engaged of course, but was the proposal filmed as footage for her reality show? Oh gosh, I wonder what the answer is. (people)
JANE LYNCH – will host the Emmys this year, a very prestigious honor only trusted to those who have proven they can read a teleprompter. (la times)
MICHELLE HUNZIKER – has been lounging around at the beach in Varigotti, Italy, for about a week now. Because she’s a model. What the hell did you think she was gonna do, go around solving crimes? (splash news)