Patrick Schwarzenegger and Bella Thorne Evening Out

April 10, 2015 | bikini | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Bella Thorne, who is either seventeen or thirty-five depending on how you read her jimmied up Hawaiian birth certificate, is the latest chick to be out to dinner with the Patrick Schwarzengger. The lithesome USC undergrad is supposed to be sworn in body and bacterial stew to Miley Cyrus but he seems to be captured […]


Miley’s Fans Threaten Every Girl Patrick Schwarzenegger Has Ever Touched

March 20, 2015 | bikini | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Patrick Schwarzenegger doesn’t look much like his dad, maybe if his dad had taken multivitamins and tap classes instead of steroid doping and military presses. Still, you’d best look out for a dude whose dad fucked everything with a heartbeat and a hairnet during his marriage to mom. Earlier this week, the Schwarzenegger kid who […]


Patrick Schwarenegger Playing the Vagina Field And Shit Around The Web

March 16, 2015 | crap around the web | editor| 0 Comments

Patrick Schwarzenegger might be stepping out on Miley Cyrus. He was spotted getting intimate with some random party chick in Cabo. It’s possible the couple have a hall pass relationship, with Schwarzenegger choosing ‘girls who don’t look like marmosets’ for his catch-all pass. Check out Patrick’s new lay. (TMZ) Everyone loves a hot girl in red lipstick. […]


The Haunting Patrick Schwarzenegger Tattoo

January 28, 2015 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

I lost track of Miley Cyrus’ tits like ten tits ago. But that Arnold Maria crucifix tattoo on the side of Patrick Schwarzenegger continues to vex me. When you’re a celebrity kid who sort of acts and attends ‘some USC’, your main job is not to get DUIs or stupid fucking tattoos. Nobody ever listens. […]


Miley Cyrus Topless With Patrick Schwarzenegger

January 27, 2015 | bikini | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

I’m not coming to bury Miley Cyrus. I’m coming to praise her. Not her twink body and the excessive tats or how she used black magic to make Maxim designate her the best looking woman in the universe and slit their own throats in the process. Not her music or her stage show or the midgets […]


Schwarzenegger’s Kid Promotes His Biz Well

December 31, 2014 | Uncategorized | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

Patrick Schwarzenegger has been pounding Miley Cyrus for a while pro bono. At this point it makes sense to strap a billboard on her. Schwarz’s goblin headed mom has invested in an up and coming pizza chain called Blaze. This means he’s either snagging some of that money or just promoting it non stop so the […]


Maria Shriver Is Anti Miley Cyrus

December 11, 2014 | celebrity | matt-ralston| 0 Comments

Maria Shriver reportedly disapproves of her potentially legitimate child Patrick Schwarzenegger dating Miley Cyrus because she’s best known for getting wasted and having midgets spread her ass cheeks for screaming teens and naughty Hungarian men who remember strip clubs under Communist rule. Shriver reportedly cancelled her trip to Art Basel in Miami when she found out Cyrus […]


Miley Cyrus Handles Her Schwarzenegger

December 8, 2014 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Miley Cyrus finally found a fella that makes her smile even when she’s morning almost sober. You can’t really do better than a Schwarzengger. The way Maria and Arnold banged the shit out of everybody but each other for thirty years, it’s hard to declare his lineage with any certainty, but I bet he’s hoping […]


Patrick Schwarzenegger Rides a Giant Pool Sweep

June 18, 2013 | celebrity | Lex Jurgen| 0 Comments

Patrick Schwarzenegger is the heir apparent to dear old dad. He’s already boning hot models, runs a couple stupid rich kid businesses, and can give one hell of a speech about philanthropy while doing so. While the rest of the family seems shattered and getting made fat by the unshocking revelation of Arnold banging a […]


Arnold Schwarzenegger’s Son Is A Tough Guy

May 7, 2013 | celebrity | editor| 0 Comments

It must be pretty cool to be the son of the star of such legendary action films as The Terminator, Total Recall and Jingle All the Way, as Arnold Schwarzenegger was Hollywood’s biggest badass for at least two decades. But Patrick Schwarzenegger, who has carved himself a nice little niche as an extra in Adam […]