Paris Hilton Misses Paul Walker More Than You

By Lex December 09, 2013 @ 3:35 PM


Paris Hilton once imagined her drug dealer was Paul Walker while she threw him a short-on-cash bone, so don’t tell her she’s not feeling as crushed as Tyrese Gibson or Paul Walker’s kid or NBC/Universal this week. When an airplane banner flew over the Paul Walker memorial tribute in Santa Clarita over the weekend, the entire crowd stopped to remind themselves how they need to bake some pies and head over to Paris’ house. Paris would naturally order her guards to beat the well-wishers into the pavement, but everybody would know deep down she was thankful for the gesture. Hang in there, Paris. Don’t do anything stupid. Like hiring a plane to fly your name over Paul Walker’s memorial.

Photo credit: Splash News

Paul Walker Had a Young Girlfriend, Really Young

By Lex December 04, 2013 @ 2:40 PM

Paul Walker And Girlfriend Jasmine Pilchard-Gosnell Go For A Walk In Hawaii
Now that TMZ has broken the cause of Paul Walker’s death as body trauma and burns (but imagine it in all caps with an exclamation point), there’s little mystery left to this Hollywood actor-died-too-young tragedy. Except for the first public appearance of his young girlfriend. Jasmine Pilchard-Gosnell. Walker started ‘dating her’ in Hawaii when she was 16 and he was 33. Before you go digging up the charred pieces of Dead Paul Walker to prosecute him posthumously for statutory misdeeds, the age of sexual consent in Hawaii happens to be 16. Pretty conveniently so for Walker who apparently liked his ladies with the new car smell. I know it’s not particularly polite to speak ill of the dead, or point out their penchant for teenaged girls. God knows I don’t want someone doing that kind of shit at my funeral no matter how many high school sophomores I may wind up diddling during my Wild 30′s.

Photo Credit: Pacific Coast News, Facebook

Everybody Loves a Dead Paul Walker

By Lex December 02, 2013 @ 5:06 AM

You’re cursed if you weren’t lucky enough to die before the social media age. Not only are your loved ones going to find out about your demise through a Seth Green tweet, but you’re going to have tons of people you barely knew trying to outdo one another on who loved you the most. Everybody and their mother were searching their photo directories for ‘Paul Walker and Me’ jpegs Saturday afternoon. Kris Jenner couldn’t find one so she started posting inspirational quotes from Paul before the car fire had even been put out. I guess she figured she could bring this up in her defense at her future witch trial. Paul Walker believed in me! Put out these flames! Universal was so moved by Paul Walker’s death they held off on their meeting on how to replace him in The Fast and The Furious 7 by a full three hours. Then they commanded the screenplay robot to spit out a ripoff version of Point Break without the Keanu Reeves character.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI

paul walker is cool

By brendon February 08, 2009 @ 11:59 AM

Paul Walker has always kept a low profile in Hollywood, and has openly made fun of attention whores like Lindsay, and maybe that’s because he’s cool, or maybe it's because he didn’t want people to know he was dating an underage minor.  

Star has learned exclusively, the 35-year-old popped the question to Jasmine, 19, over the holidays.
"Paul is very happy," says an insider, who adds that though they began dating when Jasmine, a student at the University of California, Santa Barbara, was just 16, "their age difference doesn't scare him. He knows she's the one."

I didn’t just skip the part about him being arrested by the way.  I think this is why guys move to Hollywood.   Generally speaking, you’re not really allowed to bang 16-year-olds, but a SAG card is like a license to nail teen ass.  Normally if you stick it in a minor, some judge with a god complex will demand you can’t live within a thousand yards of a school and your neighbors have to sign a form anytime you move.  Punk ass judge.  Why you gotta cockblock?

EVEN MORE FURIOUSER

By brendon August 27, 2008 @ 7:29 AM

Fast & Furious

You know those fully loaded gasoline land trains you always see? Yeah me neither. But apparently the street value of one of those is 1.4 million dollars. I was surprised. The kids are doing so much gasoline on the street these days, the market for back-alley filling stations is exploding. Here in the teaser trailer for "Fast and the Furious 4", the driver of an 800-yard-long truck takes on his number 2 nemesis, Vin Diesel. His greatest foe? Right turns.