By Jack October 24, 2013 @ 1:21 PM
The ongoing saga of Pauly D knocking up Amanda Markert continues with allegations that the Jersey Shore start wanted his one night stand to get an abortion. Supposedly Amanda is shopping around texts that Pauly D sent her when he first found out that he had dropped his Guido seed in her belly. In the texts, he asks her quite politely to suck his zygote out of her highly trafficked reproductive organs.
Once you get past the public relations damage control and the visceral reaction to texting abortion demands, you get right down to the fact that Pauly D was making good sense. A young hard-partying DJ and a knocked up Hooters bartender already with a five-year old kid is pretty much the poster case for recreational pregnancy termination. Even somebody who morally hard-lined on zero abortions would have to make an exception for a woman who got spermed up by Pauly D. Trigger the claxons and start flushing her out in the hermetic chamber before the Species fetus becomes too powerful to be stopped.
By Lex October 23, 2013 @ 3:07 PM
If you had Pauly D’s baby mama pegged for the old-fashioned classy type woman, you probably lost your office pool. Amanda Markert has now gone public as the Vegas Hooters waitress inseminated by the Jersey Shore alum. She didn’t tell Pauly D he was the father prior to the baby being born for completely honest intentions. Like, not being able to figure out who the daddy was or calculating that she could get more money in child custody than she could in abortion hush money. The two are currently in a legal battle over custody of baby Amabella, which is spelled just like Anabella when you’re pretty high. Pauly D wants full custody over his offspring, claiming he would be the superior parent. The fact that he may be right pretty much seals the fate for Amabella. Maybe she’ll get lucky and get kidnapped by Greek gypsies running welfare schemes.
Photo Credit: Amanda Markert/Facebook
By Lex October 23, 2013 @ 9:25 AM
Pauly D just discovered he has a baby girl by way of a cocktail waitress he banged one night last year. Yeah, I know, he’s kind of proud too.
“I’m proud I’m a father. I am excited to embark on this new part of my life.”
And who wouldn’t be feeling like he just took home the Heisman after getting loaded and banging a baby into a bar waitress in an alley way. It’s a real thing. But the pride parade was only just beginning.
“Excited for my dear @DJPaulyD who is going to be an amazing father! Proud of you. xoxo Auntie Amanda.” — Pauly D’s publicist, Amanda K. Ruisi on Twitter
Even his publicist is proud. That’s a high bar. That Auntie Amanda bit is pretty fucking creepy. But publicists are naturally creepy sociopaths, so this falls in the range of normal. Plus, he pays her to lie.
Snooki was also super proud of Pauly D’s cold and lifeless statement to the press about finding out he has a kid. She was quick to congratulate her former castmate:
“Now Lorenzo has a girlfriend! Pauly will be an amazing father.”
No doubt. Just look how maturely Pauly demanded a DNA test when presented with the cooing baby. Or how he asked his one smart friend if time travel was possible so he could go back to earlier in the year and take this knocked up skeez horseback riding. If any dad is going to be amazing, it’s Pauly D.
By brendon December 12, 2011 @ 3:56 PM
Pauly D is the opening act for Britney Spears these days, doing whatever it is DJ’s do, and last night in Puerto Rico she brought him on stage for… this little dance thing. Then they went in the champagne room and she gave him a hand job. He’s gonna freak when he see’s his credit card bill, but who’s he gonna tell, it’s Puerto Rico, the cops are all on the take, they don’t care.
(image source = fame)