By Lex October 27, 2015 @ 11:49 AM
Grandma used to warn the young’uns not to dress showy or boys would think you were that kind of girl. Now archetypal prostitute garb will get you where you need to go. It’s not sex work if you pretend you’re a musical artist. How’s that album with Kanye coming along? The jet for Dubai leaves at eight. Don’t change.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet
By Lex September 23, 2015 @ 6:48 AM
It’s unclear whether Uncle Terry slaps these girls with his cock before or after the shoot. Maybe one for good luck prior, then a countdown of raw penis slaps across the chops depending on how well the shoot went and if they are known to have parents that give a damn. This Pia Mia Perez chick must have taken quite a thumping. Her parents quit caring they day she turned fourteen and they put her underaged tit job on their Discover card and dropped her off in a basket at the Kardashian compound. Please turn this hot bitch into money. She doesn’t need breakfast. Ten percent off of gross seems fair. #Blessings.
Photo Credit: Terry Richardson
By Lex August 26, 2015 @ 9:15 AM
Kris Jenner brought out her sex mannequin daughter and her friend from Guam trying to be an immigrated harder whore to remind everybody that her posse rolls hard, big, and will do anal for Bitcoin. Kris Jenner was being celebrated for her new cover of Haute Living magazine, which is apparently a magazine in English published somewhere. Jenner is the opposite of that mom who fights with her teen daughter over dressing inappropriately. If you’re not showing camel toe, you’re not coming. I didn’t buy you tits to cover them up. People no longer want to fuck me, stand close and maybe they’ll get confused. Haute Living starts and ends with using sex to sell. Happy National Women’s Equality Day.
Photo Credit: Getty
By Lex August 14, 2015 @ 12:46 PM
Mexico is sending us their rapists. We’re sending them our whores. It makes sense if you studied street economics. Kris Jenner dispatched Kendall Jenner along with Hailey Baldwin and Pia Mia Perez down to Mexico to chaperone her barely legal daughter being fucked on the cliffs of Acapulco by her rapper boyfriend and a dudes selling naranjas on the freeway offramps. Juice never tasted as sweet as when it’s payment for bumping your lady’s snatch. This seems like the right time to quickly build that five hundred foot wall along the Southern border. Summer is coming. But no, that’s not why your urethra is burning.
Photo Credit: AKM-GSI
By Lex May 29, 2015 @ 10:34 AM
Kylie Jenner’s 957th unexcused absence from school was a day well spent. The Jenner daughter sorted out her feelings on chemtrails and dad’s nationally televised castration by grabbing brothel locker partner Pia Mia Perez and rebooting Adrian Lyne’s Foxes along Rodeo Drive. If nobody sees your camel toe, do you really exist? I’ll leave that to Socrates. Kylie has been forced to shoot down rumors once again this week that she’s carrying Tyga’s baby, reiterating her confidence that you can’t get pregnant from casual ass sex if you dookie immediately after. Book learning is overrated. It’s all about brief educational pamphlets.
Photo Credit: AKM-GSI/FameFlynet
By Lex April 29, 2015 @ 9:53 AM
There’s a shit ton of stuff you can get done as a teen when high school isn’t on the menu. Get Softcore United on the phone tree and coordinate a bare midriff shopping trip. Some day, you’ll shopping as a grown woman. This is practice. Sneak into the alley for a cigarette. Tell laid out Nick Nolte if he likes staring at your ass so much, why doesn’t he touch it. He won’t have any money. Laugh and get to Barney’s. It’s almost Cinco De Mayo and the piñatas are still in the attic.
Photo Credit: FameFlynet