Fat Shaming Has a Process

By Lex April 14, 2015 @ 9:13 AM

Pink-at-Cancer-Charity-Ball

Step one. Get fat. Nobody’s fat shaming Giuliana Rancic (see: anorexia shaming). You’re going to need at least a working muffin top. Step two. Get out in public and on social media and let everybody see those truck drive arms. Now,  sit back and await the body shaming from dudes in their drawers stroking one out to their zings. This won’t take long if you’ve got some decent up-jowl shots. Give the sad emoji cycle about twenty-four hours before your comeback about not caring what the haters think. The increasingly hefty Pink chose this:

Willow said to me the other day whilst grabbing my belly-’mama-why r u so squishy?’ And I said..’b/cuz I’m happy baby,’” And my hubby says ‘it’s just more to love baby’ (and then I smack his hand off my booty cause we’re in a supermarket).”

Nailed it. Kids love fat moms. And if you’re husband is a chubby chaser, down those Hydrox like they’re only $2.99 a pound, because they are. The dudes who have to hoist your stage harness may differ, but fuck them if they don’t like your squishy. Pink followed with a brief lecture about her support for cancer charities and how sad it is that people had to focus on how fat she looked in her dress. Now who feels shamed? You didn’t see that coming.

The final step involves hyperbolized kudos from commenters and mommy bloggers and overweight people everywhere who pen endless notes about how brave and bold and smart you are for sticking it to the shamers. The process is complete. You could lay off the stress eating and eliminate the need for this vapid assembly line of emote and counter-emote on social media. But these inane opinion cycles are the After School Specials of 2015. The kids need to learn how important it is to feel good about yourself even for the simple accomplishment of getting fat.

Photo credit: Getty Images

Pink is Glamorous

By Lex April 30, 2013 @ 4:29 PM

Pink On The Cover Of June Glamour
Pink is pretty hot for a dude. I don’t say that lightly. Of all the girls who look kind of like dudes, Pink I think you get away with liking without your buddies calling you the next Jason Collins. It’s a fine line between wanting a strong, haunchy, ruffian woman in bed and just wanting to lie down with a man. I’m calling Pink on this side of the line.

Here’s Pink in Glamour magazine. If you read this magazine, you’re on the other side of the line. Not that it matters.

Photo Credit: Glamour Magazine

Miley and Pink looked really sexy last night

By brendon September 07, 2012 @ 1:54 PM

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Miley Cyrus and Pink both showed off their daring sense of style and originality at the VMA’s last night, and the result was me having to give an image credit to a zoo.

At least Pink always does stuff like this. Miley just looks desperate, as if we’re gonna forget that she’s only famous because of her Disney show, which she only got because her dad had a very popular song in 1992. Road construction barricades in a Jason Statham movie have a more promising Hollywood career than Miley.

(image source = getty, san diego zoo)

Pink is pregnant

By brendon November 10, 2010 @ 11:36 AM

EXCLUSIVE: Is Pink Pregnant?!

As first reported on Tyler (not really but whatever), Pink looked to be newly pregnant earlier this week, and now Us.com has confirmed it. In the most awkward way imaginable.

No word yet on the color of the bundle, but Pink’s a mommy-to-be!
“She’s 12 weeks along,” says an insider. “She wanted to do it between tours, when she has some time off.”
The source adds that after the duo’s 2008 separation, “Pink was determined to make the relationship solid. Now she’s really happy, and she’s excited she got pregnant so fast! She’ll be a brilliant mother.”

“No word yet on the color of the bundle”?

Well, if I’m Carey Hart, and I’m white, and my wife is white, that bundle better be white. If not it’s gonna be blue after I tie it to a rock and throw it in the ocean. I’m tough but fair.

Pink might be pregnant

By brendon November 08, 2010 @ 6:57 PM

EXCLUSIVE: Is Pink Pregnant?!

Pink and Carey Hart were out running errands in Malibu this morning, and Flynet says, “It looks like Pink may be pregnant and is sporting a baby bump!”

It’s good to see these two, who have had some rocky patches in their… wait, Pink is a woman? Biologically? That’s not right is it? Hold on, I need to look some stuff up, I don’t think that’s right.

Pink is in a bikini. doing this.

By brendon July 21, 2010 @ 1:13 PM

70835EXE

A good way to measure a woman’s worth as a human being is based on how slutty she is. I never really liked Pink before, but then she and her boyfriend Carey Hart went on this yacht in the south of France, and she laid there in a bikini with her legs spread while strangers took pictures of it. So it turns out she’s a great role model. These pictures have really turned my world upside down.