Kate Middleton Is Having A Girl

By Travis March 06, 2013 @ 11:00 AM

The Royal Family does absolutely nothing when it comes to running the United Kingdom, but they have a shit ton of money, so they get to pretend that crowns and robes still mean something over there. English people eat it up, too, because if Prince William was just Bill the accountant he’d probably have to pay for sex, even with a girl like Kate Middleton, who on her best days is a solid 7.

But since William is a wealthy prince, he doesn’t wear condoms and was able to knock Kate up, and that shit is like soap operas on PCP to people over there. Especially this woman. So imagine how excited they were when Kate accidentally spilled the beans on the gender of the Royal Baby.

Sandra Cook, 67, was among the 2,000 wellwishers who greeted the Duchess on her visit to Grimsby.

She told the Mail: ‘The lady next to me gave her a teddy bear and I distinctly heard her say “Thank you, I will take that for my d….”.

‘Then she stopped herself. I leant over and said to her: “You were going to say daughter, weren’t you?” She said: “No, we don’t know!” I said: “Oh, I think you do” to which she replied: “We’re not telling!” (Daily Mail)

And then Sandra was struck in the neck by a poison-tipped dart and fed to the Queen’s diseased orphan slaves in the dungeons beneath Buckingham Palace.

True or not, Pippa is still the more interesting Middleton sister, because she is single, has been known to party topless and any girl whose sister is the Duchess of Cambridge has to have really low self-esteem, which means A+ BJs, fellas.

Usher wants Pippa Middleton to model lingerie

By brendon June 24, 2011 @ 1:34 PM

pippa_middleton_shopping_london

Pippa Middleton became world famous when she and her ass upstaged her sisters wedding to Prince William, and now Usher, who has a line of lingerie coming out this summer for some reason, tells Look magazine that he wants Pippa to take most of her clothes off so he can take pictures of her. As if that was some original idea no one else had thought of.

“I don’t think there’s a more beautiful, more stunning, more talked-about woman in the world at the moment.”
“I’m going to be approaching her in the next few weeks and setting up a meeting this summer.”
“The great thing about her is that she would be a global brand. Everybody knows her now, she would be perfect. I am sure everybody is trying to sign her up and she won’t be cheap, but she has the looks and the popularity to really establish a new product.”

And I bet he’s saying that without even having seen these pictures of her in a bikini. And then taking off her bikini top and kind of showing some side boob.

Just for the record, everything that happened between me and these pictures was completely consensual.

Princess Kates sister has a hot ass

By brendon April 29, 2011 @ 12:07 PM

pippa_middletons_ass

This morning of course was the long awaited royal wedding between Prince William and Kate Middleton, and like all of you, it really touched my heart. Especially when they showed the tight white dress Kates sister (and Maid of Honor) Pippa wore, and the way it clung to her hot ass. Also when Kate and William stepped out onto the balcony for their first kiss. I thought it was disrespectful though when the crowd started throwing beads at her and chanting ”show your tits”. Shame on you, London.

(image source = getty and inf and bauer griffin)