I hate to think that Putin won at anything, but, damn, that Sochi opening ceremony spectacular made Communism look amazing. Brazil has spent eleven billion on the World Cup, but most of that went to buy ring pops for the City of God gangsters for their promise to reduce tourist kidnappings by sixty-percent in June. The opening ceremonies today looked like the kids decided to put on a play to save Mrs. Beasley’s civic garden from being rolled. I’m pretty sure they just picked up a truckload of vendors selling kebabs down by the beach, slapped a leftover Mardi Gras costume on them, and told them to dance like Amy Grant. Then the showstoppers came. Jennifer Lopez and Pitbull. Nothing says Brazilian pride like a a Puerto Rican and a Cuban getting stuck on a rising stage platform that jams right out of the box. I hope somebody kept their Amazon return label.
Ultimately, the World Cup is about sport. Just like Sochi, shoddy infastrcture, crappy field conditions, and Johnny Weir dressed like Anderson Cooper’s mom couldn’t take away from the majesty of the competition. Soccer fans could give a rat’s ass if a couple stadium sections collapse and tens of thousands perish. You riot, kill a few government officials, and you move on. The Olympics are just two years away and there’s lots more ring pops to buy.
Just one post ago I thought Lindsay Lohan was on the verge of losing her livelihood, but I had forgotten about her frivolous lawsuits. Luckily she just filed one against Pittbul, Ne-Yo, and Afrojack for–brace yourself–defamation of character, because of a line in the song ‘Give Me Everything’ which says…
“Hustlers move aside, so I’m tiptoein’, to keep flowin’
I got it locked up like Lindsay Lohan.”
Lindsay feels this is slanderous because, other than being in jail 5 times, in a court ordered rehab facility twice, and spending 32 days under house arrest, she’s never been “locked up”. And so she’s suing.
“…the lyrics, by virtue of its wide appeal, condemnation, excoriation, disparaging or defamatory statements by the defendants about the plaintiff are destined to do irreparable harm to the plaintiff.”
“(Lohan), a professional actor of good repute and standing in the Screen Actors Guild, is suing under the New York civil rights laws, which protects people from having their name exploited for commercial purposes.”
Lindsay alleges the appearance of her name in the song “causes (her) to be associated and identified in connection with defendants.”
I think the bigger problem might be that Lindsay has been in court 11 times in the past 14 months. So really she should sue the district attorney for always freaking out every time she kidnaps someone or steals a necklace or gets high. They’re really making her look bad.
Pitbull should be a Secret Service agent or something because he’s pretty calm when shit goes down. At a recent show in Aspen, he brought a guy on stage, punched him in the face and then kicked him, but at no point did the song stop and he picked up right where he was supposed to. Granted this maybe wasn’t the most formidable of opponents. That dude may be the baddest son of a bitch in Aspen, but that’s like being the most controversial pastry chef. In Aspen, the “black part of town” is probably “that dudes house”. All the white people lock their car doors as soon as they see his mailbox.