On Saturday, Joel McHale hosted the annual White House Correspondents’ Association dinner, which is the one night of the year that President Obama gets to unwind a little and make fun of the many, many, many, manymanymany people who give him shit on a daily basis with jokes that a lot of people don’t think are funny. Maybe the best or worst joke, depending on how seriously you take this crap, came at John Boehner’s expense, as the president made fun of his horrible fake tan while mentioning a popular TV show, because that’s how you get the loudest and cheapest pops at the big comedy events like this. An even better joke, though, might have been something like, “What did the room full of celebrities and media elite say to the president’s asshole?” and the punchline is a kissing noise. I’m terrible at jokes, I know, but I’m sure one of the president’s writers can polish that one up and use it next year.
ALICIA KEYS – will sing the National Anthem at Super Bowl XLVII in New Orleans on February 3rd. Or 4th, or 5th, or whenever it is that Saints fans run out of beer bottles to throw at Roger Goodell and they can start the game. (e!)
AMERICAN IDOL – returned Wednesday and had it’s lowest ratings ever for a season premiere, down 19 percent from last year, which itself was down 24 percent from the year before. Fox has had no comment so far, but one theory is that the show is pointless and terrible. (cnn)
MICHAEL J. FOX – would not be happy if his son ever ended up dating Taylor Swift because she “writes songs about everybody she goes out with.” She also has a pointy nose like a little rat if that helps his cause any. (vulture)
KATY PERRY – will join Kelly Clarkson, Beyonce, Alicia Keys, Usher, Brad Paisley, Chris Cornell, Will.i.am, John Legend, Ke$ha, and dozens more to perform at multiple parties for President Obama’s inauguration on Monday, an event which will cost taxpayers around $115 million for a fake ceremony because he’ll actually be sworn in, privately, the day before. It’s part of a traditional bi-partisan policy called, “We’re Broke Because We Spend Your Tax Money On Ourselves And Other Stupid Shit So Then We Take More Because You Can Go Fuck Yourself”. (huff post)
ZOMBIELAND – might finally become a TV show, which was actually the idea from the very beginning before it became a movie. The show will still revolve around the 4 main characters from the movie, and whether or not they can escape from a brain dead slug that takes 30 minutes to cross the street. (io9)
Former “Saturday Night Live” star Jon Lovitz called President Obama “a fucking asshole” among other things during a podcast with Kevin Smith, because of a tax system where 10 percent of the population pays 70 percent of the income tax (and 1 percent pays almost 40), yet are still told it’s not enough and that they don’t pay thier “fair share.”
“This whole thing with Obama saying the rich don’t pay their taxes is fucking bullshit. And I voted for the guy, and I’m a Democrat. What a fucking asshole. The rich don’t pay their taxes? Let me tell you something, right. First they say to you, you’re dead broke, ‘the United States of America, you can do anything you want, go for it.’ So then you go for it and then you make it, and everyone’s like ‘fuck you.’”
Unfortunately the Republicans are no better; they’re just fucking morons about different things. The entire federal government sucks and is inept/corrupt beyond belief. But soon my underwater kingdom will be complete, with an army of mermen at my command, and Washington will tremble at the displays of my power!
ET says George Clooney will host a fundraiser on May 10 at his home in LA for 150 guests, or however many can afford the tickets which cost $40,000 a piece. All proceeds will go to President Obama’s re-election fund. There’s no word yet on what will go on at this event to make a few hours worth what many people make in a year, but it better involve the phrases “Stacy Keibler” and “cum soaked”.
‘Arrested Development’ and ’Mr. Show’ star David Cross tells the March issue of Playboy that he did a small amount of cocaine at the 2009 White House Correspondents’ Dinner. In other words, in the same room as President Barack Obama and the Secret Service.
“It was a tiny granule of coke that I put on my wrist and said, ‘Watch this. I need a witness.’ And then I ducked under the table and did it,” Cross said. “It wasn’t like I got high. The jolt was similar to licking an empty espresso cup.”
“It was just about being able to say that I did it, that I did cocaine in the same room as the president,” he said. “I’m not proud of it, nor am I ashamed of it.”
He’s told this story before and I’m surprised more people haven’t heard it, because it really is no big deal, and you have to expect this kind of thing when you elect Democrats.
On Thursday, Time magazine will run a cover showing Osama bin Laden stamped with a red X, because yesterday SEAL Team 6 kicked in the door of his bedroom and shot him in his fucking face. It’s similar to the covers announcing the death of Adolf Hitler in 1945, Saddam Hussein in 2003, and Abu Musab al-Zarqawi in 2006.
And if you think that picture is delightful, you’ll love the death photo Drudge says is on the way, and CNN says he’s been a regular little supermodel lately, posing at least 3 times. The sets include:
1. Bin Ladens body at a hangar after he was brought back to Afghanistan. This is the most recognizable with a clear picture of his face. The picture is gruesome because he has a massive open head wound across both eyes. It’s very bloody and gory.
2. The burial at sea on the USS Carl Vinson. Photos of bin Laden before the shroud was put on and then wrapped in the shroud.
3. The raid itself that include photos of the two dead brothers, one of bin Ladens dead son (adult adolescent, maybe approx 18 yrs old) and some of the inside scene of the compound.