The Downside of Being Harry

By Lex May 14, 2013 @ 4:06 PM


It goes without saying that being born Prince Harry is a pretty sweet roll of the cosmic dice. You get cars and girls and money just for emerging out of the right vagina. It’s not a bad gig. But, at times, it comes with its downsides. Like having to hang with lap-banded Chris Christie on the boardwalk touring Sandy damage. Chris Christie cares about hurricane damage in New Jersey a whole lot. He has to. Prince Harry doesn’t give a fuck and he’d rather be doing blow with naked hookers in Vegas like his last trip stateside. Instead he’s checking out washed out buildings while trying not to be sucked in by the gravitational forces of the governor’s enormous gunt. Is the tradeoff worth it? Fuck yeah it is. Still, a long day with the lime green Weeble has to make you consider trading lives with a Pauper.

Taylor Swift Is Out Of Her Mind

By Travis April 01, 2013 @ 10:00 AM

According to the Sun’s super-secret sources, singer Taylor Swift is trying to snag an invite to one of Prince Harry’s parties when he makes his potentially-nude return to the U.S. in May. One of Harry’s parties will take place in Washington DC around the same time as Swift’s two shows at the Verizon Center, so naturally this means that the girl who dates everyone wants to make her next album about the Royal Redhead.

A source said: “Taylor’s desperate to get her name added on to the VIP lists of stars being lined up to meet Harry. She loves everything about him — especially his ginger hair and English accent.

“She’s dated JFK’s great nephew CONOR KENNEDY, who is considered American royalty, and Harry would be a massive step up from him.

“Taylor is also Harry’s type as he loves blondes.” (The Sun)

Swift is currently dating her tourmate Ed Sheehan, but that doesn’t mean shit because she’ll just have her security team roll him up in a giant rug and push him into an arena’s incinerator. Taylor’s real problem is that among the female celebrities already scheduled to meet Harry are Jennifer Lawrence, Scarlett Johansson, Vanessa Hudgens and Kate Upton.

Basically, unless Swift suddenly grows Double D breasts and a vagina made of velvet, you can bet that her next single is going to be called “Giant Tits and Wrist Slits”.

(Photo Credits: Getty)