Music Protests R Kelly

By Matt July 29, 2014 @ 7:43 AM

Kelly

Two Ohio based bands have dropped out of The Fashion Meets Music Festival because one of the Festival headliners is underaged girl loving R Kelly. Saintseneca, a band as preachy as their new aged name, thought better than to share billing with Kelly:

“We feel it is an affront to all survivors, who are already often overlooked and forgotten in our society.”

Pop musicians aren’t usually considered super bright, but apparently Saintseneca are the only ones reading the paper rather than getting their news of the world from celebrity Twitter feeds. Kelly has avoided industry backlash while documented cases of his aversion to pubic hair pile up like the stash of candy he passes out to chicks in the Target girls section. Boycotts are a slippery slope. Taking a stand against Kelly’s pederasty could lead one to boycott the entire Fashion Meets Music Festival, since the fashion industry is largely comprised of Russian waifs sold into slavery by their stepdads in exchange for charcoal and cigarettes. You might have to cancel this entire tour. The blindsided kids will probably turn to drug experimentation and non-premium cable. Still, I’d rather say I spent the summer getting high and watching Cartoon Network than watching R. Kelly clean his dick on my 8th grade yearbook.

Photo Credit: Getty Images 

R. Kelly’s Daughter Is Now His Son

By Lex June 25, 2014 @ 3:00 PM

You can’t blame a thirteen year old girl for wanting to become a boy when you’re hanging around R. Kelly. Not that R. Kelly has ever been accused of incest. It’s really the one sex crime standard obviously missing from his best of album. A couple weeks ago Kelly’s daughter Jaya announced that she is henceforth, Jay. Support for Jay quickly rolled in on social media as everyone agreed that boy or girl, being R. Kelly’s kid for the rest of your life is fucking brutal. Kelly did a tell all interview about his daughter becoming his son by blaming bloggers for using the wrong gender pronouns, dribbling out lots of non sequiturs about keeping it real, then refusing to address the issue.

Always believe what you see, with your own eyes. That’s the best way to go about this business,

I am so on that, R. Since I didn’t see you coerce and rape all those underage girls, including the one you married, I’m taking back all the bad shit I ever said about you. Except for that Gaga video. I saw that. You can’t deny that eye rape.

Lady Gaga Distancing Herself from R. Kelly

By Lex January 03, 2014 @ 5:36 PM

Lady Gaga Poses Topless But Covered For A Versace Ad
Maybe it wasn’t the best idea for a woman to launch a bawdy sexualized song with a known defiler of underaged girls. Lady Gaga probably didn’t give a shit until her new album tanked in sales simultaneous to the uproar over R. Kelly’s pissing on pubescent girls came back into the media spotlight. Such is the whimsical nature of creating art with sex offenders. Lady Gaga’s P.R. machine, along with her desperately bleeding cash record label, got Christina Aguilera to re-do ‘Do What U Want’ taking over R. Kelly’s role in the duet with Lady Gaga. They released it on iTunes and are mostly hoping people forget about the R. Kelly intercourse version showcased on SNL and at the American Music Awards.

“When I heard she [Christina] wanted to collaborate, I said of course! She’s such an innovative artist and a risk taker. And as a fellow female, I have so much respect for that.”  – Lady Gaga pretending to tell a truth

Yes, of course she wanted to collaborate, after she got offered lots of money to make people forget about the dude who used to arrange underaged sex shows in his condo. I didn’t really need a new version of this crappy song to make me forget about the two month old version of the crappy song. I’m guessing we’re not likely now to ever see the provocative music video Terry Richardson was creating for the R. Kelly and Lady Gaga version. I wonder if they sampled the crying girls from Chicago. That’s so Artpop!

Photo Credit: Versace

R. Kelly Hates On The Haters Who Hate That He Hate Fucks Teens

By Jack December 18, 2013 @ 1:28 PM

R. Kelly is once again defending himself against allegations of past sexual misconduct with underaged girls. You know, like when he fucked a couple of teen girls in a sex tape and peed on them. Stuff like that. This is in the wake of the release of his latest album Black Panties. R. Kelly has been accused of this kind of shenanigans for over a decade now. Yet, he’s not been convicted of any misconduct. Charged, yes. He was even brought in once for owning child porn. But the star takes it all in stride saying nonsensical things like,

“Well I feel like I got the football, man, I’m running towards the touchdown and stopping and looking back, mess around, I’ll get tackled…But as you know, when you get on top of anything, it’s very windy up there.”

Umm, right. Now I’m not one to judge a man if he wants to blow through a bunch of groupies and chickenheads. That is his right as an American celebrity of any measure. But you can’t diddle the kids. It’s the one rule we hold sacred to keep our First World Nation membership. It’s why you don’t hear Gary Glitter’s Rock and Roll Part 1 at NBA games anymore even though that was the best sports bumper music ever. Because child rape even trumps pro sports in importance. If we have to live without Bump N’ Grind, that might just be the price we pay for not sharing the same value system on 14-years olds as sex toys as, say, tribal Afghanistan.

Village Voice Recounts R. Kelly’s Glory Days of Raping High School Sophomores

By Lex December 17, 2013 @ 2:31 PM

R Kelly And Lady Gaga 'Do What U Want' Promo Photo
Some people just can’t let shit go. It’s been fifteen years since R. Kelly kind of allegedly raped hordes of high school girls. And maybe one or three of them tried to off themselves. But it’s not like R. Kelly didn’t pay them all reasonably well to shut the fuck up. I’m pretty sure there’s a verse or two in the Good Book that says that makes it all good. I guess some people didn’t get the street justice memo. With the release of R. Kelly’s new sexually charged Black Panties album, The Village Voice brought back Jim DeRogatis, the Sun-Times reporter who broke all the R. Kelly rape stories, to recount some of the more heinous allegations that the rest of the music world kind of swept under the rug because R. Kelly was making them money and people like money.

He would go back in the early years of his success and go to Lina McLin’s gospel choir class. She’s a legend in Chicago, gospel royalty. He would go to her sophomore class and hook up with girls afterward and have sex with them.

He picked up other girls and made them all have sex together.

There was a young woman that he picked up on the evening of her prom. The relationship lasted a year and a half or two years. Impregnated her, paid for her abortion, had his goons drive her. None of which she wanted.

You watch the video for which he was indicted and there is the disembodied look of the rape victim. He orders her to call him Daddy. He urinates in her mouth and instructs her at great length on how to position herself to receive his “gift.”

So, yeah, there’s that. But R. Kelly’s got some great pipes and the ladies do love him. I’m sure that whole raping underaged girls thing was just a phase like it is for most men who dabble in that hobby. Just look at Lady Gaga position herself to receive his gift. She seems so happy.

Photo Credit: Getty

Lady Gaga Has Fallen And She Can’t Get Up

By Lex December 16, 2013 @ 5:40 PM

Everybody wants to know why the social outcasts from The Breakfast Club aren’t buying Lady Gaga’s new album. It’s so bad that when I searched Lady Gaga backdoor cucumber BDSM penetration, I got articles about how ARTPOP sucks and how Interscope is going to have to fire a large number of angry short people because they’re losing so much money on the album. Everybody in Gaga’s inner-circle has ditched her like rats fleeing a really unattractive Titanic. Did Gaga foretell her own future by posing crawling across the floor in a bikini while R. Kelly subjugates her beneath his prophylactic diaper? It would be a better story if Fame or Celebrity or German Measles killed Lady Gaga, you know, rather than just a really crappy album without radio play songs.