Yesterday I randomly speculated that Tiger Woods might lose hundreds of millions of dollars if his wife files for divorce. I didn’t really base that on anything, because research takes forever so fuck that, but this time the things I made up were true, and I didn’t look up a damn thing. Suck on that Us weekly.
…the couple has a prenuptial agreement worth $300 million, which would make this the most expensive celebrity divorce in history.
But at least Rachel Uchitel, the girl at the heart of this story, is sticking by her claim that she never had an affair with Woods. Oh wait never mind.
Rachel Uchitel has publicly denied she had sexual relations with Tiger Woods, but we’ve learned she has said she did indeed have an affair with the golfer. And, we’re told it was her — not Jaimee Grubbs — who caused an argument between Tiger and his wife, Elin Nordegren, that immediately preceded Tiger’s SUV crash.
Sources say less than an hour before Tiger’s accident, Rachel and Tiger were texting each other. Elin confronted Tiger and asked whom he was texting. She grabbed the phone and we’re told she called Rachel to confront her. Tiger and Elin began arguing and the phone broke in the process.
We’re also told there was damage as a result of the altercation in the vestibule area of Tiger’s home — damage that cannot be easily repaired, and that is why Tiger would not let police come in.
Even if Tiger is guilty of everything he’s accused of and 10 times more, THREE HUNDRED MILLION GOD DAMN DOLLARS? Jesus Christ. Elin should be well compensated for what he’s done to her, but, seriously? 300? If someone is gonna take that much money from you I really don’t think killing them would be unreasonable. Every human life is important, but only up to a certain point. Let’s not get carried away.
LADY GAGA - says she’s more than just eye candy. “My album covers are not sexual at all … The last thing a young woman needs is another picture of a sexy pop star writhing in sand, covered in grease, touching herself.” Actually that might be good for young girls. Being as sexy as Lady GaGa is an entirely attainable goal, like having a goal to touch your toes or “look at this.” (elle)
MATT DAMON - will not make another Jason Bourne movie without director Paul Greengrass, who walked away from the franchise this week because he and the studio can’t agree on a script. As if anyone can tell those movies apart anyway. (hollywood reporter)
KALIKA MOQUIN - is a marketing manager for The Bank nightclub in Las Vegas, but more to the point she might have been having an affair with Tiger Woods that ended in October. Even more surprising is that someone named “Kalika” is white. How the hell did that happen? (las)
RACHEL UCHITEL - is seen in these pictures at a club in the Hamptons three months ago. I’m starting to see the appeal. A good way to gauge if your implants are the right size is if you have to constantly lean backwards so you don’t tip over. Mission Accomplished! (splash)
The good news for Tiger Woods is that the Florida Highway Patrol is ending the investigation they never really began after Woods’ car crash. The bad news is absolutely everything else.
Us Weekly now says it has confirmed the Enquirer report that Woods had an affair with Rachel Uchitel. On top of that the Enquirer produced, “an on-the-record interview with a friend and multiple sources who passed polygraphs.” To make bad even worse, Us has released a few of the text messages allegedly sent from Woods to a woman named Jamie Grubbs.
“I will wear you out…when was the last time you got (bleeped)?” one message read.
Another one from Tiger read, “Send me something very naughty…Go to the bathroom and take (a picture).”
Now Grubbs is claiming that during her affair with Woods his wife became suspicious. According to Grubbs, Woods said, “My wife went through my phone and may be calling you.”
And here’s a text to Woods from his wife Elin Nordegren, sent about two minutes from now…
“Im’a get two hardcore pipe-hitting niggaz down here, and let them go at ya with a hammer and a blowtorch.”
Radar Online says Grubbs and Uchitel are not the only two women that Woods had affairs with, and several others are in negotiations with various media outlets. Nordegren hasn’t made any public statement yet, either personally or through an attorney. She did meet with a divorce attorney, but the lawyer couldn’t remember anything she said because while Elin was talking the lawyers eyes rolled around in his head like a slot machine and landed on dollar signs, and when he looked at Elin she turned into a big bag of money.
MORE GOOD NEWS UPDATE - now it’s being reported that Grubbs was telling castmates on her VH1 show about the affair over a year ago.
