Randy Jackson Takes A Hit

By Matt September 29, 2014 @ 6:18 AM

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Randy Jackson is divorcing his wife of eighteen years, which comes as a shock to the gay men of America claiming him as one of their own since Genesis. Jackson never got a prenup, most likely because at the time of marriage all he owned were some skinny jeans, an out of tune bass, and a large private stash of insulin. American Idol earned him a profit of $5 million a year because white America always needs a black dude to languish pre teens with ebonics in a non threatening fashion while dressed like the dork in biology. His net worth is reportedly upward of $40 million dollars, meaning his parents no longer consider him a disappointment after leaving the church quire to slang synth pop in the payola days of cocaine induced mediocrity. Jackson will apparently still be on good terms with his wife until her car mysteriously gets smashed by a freight train at a railroad crossing in the dead of night.

Photo Credit: Getty Images 

Nicki Minaj is already cursing out Mariah Carey

By brendon October 03, 2012 @ 12:00 PM

There were rumors that Mariah Carey didn’t want ‘American Idol’ to hire Nicki Minaj as a judge because the two didn’t get along. According to this footage from the auditions in Charlotte yesterday, those rumors were 100 percent true.

Nicki: “…and if you’ve got a fucking problem, handle it. I told them I’m not fuckin’ putting up with her fucking highness over there. Figure it the fuck out. Figure it out.”
Mariah: “Oh why, WHYYYY do I have a three year old sitting around me?”
Nicki: “I’m not gonna sit here every fucking minute to have you come down and harass me every minute everyday.”
Mariah: “I can’t see my kids, because you decided to act like a little crazy bitch and go all around the stage.”
Nicki: “Good. Go see them now, go see them now, you’re boring as fuck, you’re boring as fuck.”

Well, not to choose sides, but acting like royalty and being boring as fuck does seem like something Mariah Carey would do.

Randy Jackson will be back on American Idol

By brendon September 11, 2012 @ 4:40 PM

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Despite a million rumors to the contrary, Randy Jackson will apparently be returning as a judge on ‘American Idol’ this season, at least according to this tweet by Simon Cowell and this report in the Hollywood Reporter.

It seems the plan is still to have four judges this year, with Keith Urban and Nicki Minaj the front runners to join Jackson and Mariah Carey. Negotiations with Enrique Iglesias have ended because of cost considerations. Namely, the amount of closed captioning people they’d have to hire for a show that had Nicki Minaj AND Enrique Iglesias.

Randy Jackson out on ‘Idol’, Keith Urban sort of in

By brendon August 31, 2012 @ 12:59 PM

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It’s been rumored for months that Randy Jackson would not return to ‘American Idol’ next season, and now the LA Times says his departure is all but official, causing a void that the show will replace quickly and easily.

TMZ has a source (possibly a two-week old copy of the Hollywood Reporter) saying Keith Urban will replace Jackson and “take the third judging spot alongside Mariah Carey and Nicki Minaj.”

Officially, Minaj is not actually a judge yet either, perhaps because of this rumor saying Mariah doesn’t want to share the spotlight with her. And I don’t blame her. It’s just like when I starred in my 8th grades production of ‘Pippin’. Those other kids sucked, they ruined everything!

Mariah Carey “in serious talks” to judge American idol

By brendon July 13, 2012 @ 1:05 PM

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Unfettered by their experience with demanding pain in the ass Jennifer Lopez, Us.com says ‘American Idol’ producers want demanding pain in the ass Mariah Carey to replace her as a judge next season.

If anyone could handle her it should be Randy Jackson (he’s her manager) but this supports previous reports that the plan is to clean house and get 3 all new judges, so he’ll be gone too.

“They are in serious talks with Mariah and it’s very close to being a done deal,” the source says. “And they will move Randy into a more mentoring role.”
The insider added that show producers are scrambling to fill the other two slots alongside Carey; other celebs who have been considered to sit at the judges’ table include Fergie and Adam Lambert.

If nothing else Mariah would be on time more than Lopez. All they’d have to do is send someone to stand outside her house dressed up as a chocolate chip cookie and she’d chase him to the studio.

(image source of mariah in london on june 25 = wenn)

Steven Tyler is leaving ‘American Idol’

By brendon July 12, 2012 @ 5:08 PM

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Giving credence to the rumor that ‘American Idol’ will have three all new judges next season, Henifaa Yopez told the Today show this morning that “maybe it’s time for me to go”, and now Steven Tyler–who could have dragged this out for months to be the center of attention like some media whores–has released a statement saying it’s definitely time for him to go.

“After some long … hard … thoughts … I’ve decided it’s time for me to let go of my mistress American Idol before she boils my rabbit. I strayed from my first love, Aerosmith, and I’m back — but instead of begging on my hands and knees, I’ve got two fists in the air and I’m kicking the door open with my band.”

Meanwhile, Randy Jackson is laying low, screening phone calls from Fox, and hoping no one remembers to deactivate his key card.