Rihanna looks better than ever seemed possible in her new Armani jeans commercial (watch it here), perhaps because it isn’t possible and it’s not actually her. Or at least that’s what The Sun says today…
Shots which appear to show Rihanna, 24, revealing her bust and bum are in fact an Irish model named Jahnassa Aicken.
Rihanna’s management insisted Jahnassa, 27, sign an order banning her from talking about the job (but) a source told us: “Jahnassa’s torso, body and bum appear in parts of the ad.
I have no idea if they’re right or not, but it does seem as if her boobs doubled in size from one scene (where you can see Rihannas face) to the next (where you can’t). If I even had the slightest idea of how or where to buy Armani jeans I would be outraged by this deception.
You were wrong if you thought Chris Brown couldn’t be any more of a dickhead but in your defense, you didn’t know he was going to release a remix of the Kanye song ‘TheraFlu’ last night, and say this at the 1:12 mark:
“Don’t fuck with my old bitches
Like a bad fur
Every industry nigga did had her
Trick or treat like a pumpkin just to smash her.”
That may or may not be about Rihanna, but she seems to think it is because she unfollowed him on twitter last night, and then a short time later he unfollowed her. And I have to take her word for it because I don’t understand how an ex-girlfriend is like a bad fur, and I can’t even begin to translate “trick or treat like a pumpkin just to smash her.”
Is he saying the pumpkin goes trick or treating? And then gets to “smash” Rihanna? So the pumpkin gets to fuck Rihanna? I guess he could mean the pumpkin gets to punch Rihanna after trick or treating but, and I didn’t think it was possible either, but that somehow makes even less sense.
Like Kate Upton two weeks ago, Rihanna has now done a photo shoot for weirdo pervert Terry Richardson, and he had her stand in front of a wall and shot her in black and white. The theme was something he called: “the exact same thing I do every single time because people in Hollywood have yet to figure out that I’m borderline retarded.”
Rihanna went on her twitter last night to claim she was on her first date in almost 2 yearz. And I didn’t write “yearz” because I’m racist, but because that’s what she wrote. My racism was merely a coincidence.
Later she added a picture of her “date”, a girl named Melissa Forde, saying she was her “lover for the night”, and soon after that they left The Roxbury hand in hand.
So I guess we’re supposed to think she’s gay now and then carry on about it. And maybe I would have if she had chosen someone hotter. Or if she said this girl answered her craigslist ad looking for someone to eat. But just two 7′s making out? Yeah no thanks.
Rihanna is down in Australia this week for the premiere of ‘Battleship’, and tonight she went to dinner wearing what looks like a trench coat and heels and nothing else. And yet only one guy asked her for an autograph. A few other guys asked if she was a cop, and how much for the whole night, baby.
Rihanna was at a press conference for ‘Battleship’ in London today, and instead of, “No seriously why in the fuck are there aliens in this movie,” a reporter asked about Ashton Kutcher. And then Rihanna huffed and threw a little hissy fit.
SEXY SOUNDING REPORTER: “You’re so good with connecting with people, that I think that we actually feel we know you. Things are clearly going brilliantly in your career. I just wondered if you are as happy in your private life. Will we be seeing a certain Mr. Kutcher perhaps making a trip over here?” CUNTY SOUNDING SINGER: “Wow, how disappointing was that question … I’m happy and I’m single, if that’s what you’re really asking.”
Oh pardon me your majesty. I don’t talk like a fancy lady from England but if I did I would have told Rihanna to fuck off in secret English code. And the producers should be glad she asked, anything to take attention away from how stupid this movie looks. The could frame Liam Neeson for killing his wife for all I care.