Rihanna Drinks Until She Breaks Out

By Lex August 29, 2014 @ 1:38 PM

Rihanna In A Black Bikini Boarding A Yacht In Sicily
Rihanna works hard and plays harder. That’s so fucking Bajan. But even she knows you can’t get loaded every single day of the year. When her zits start bursting and dousing the kids in the front row, she goes full temperance.

When I feel like my skin has had it, I cut all the alcohol completely and overdo the water.

If you think being an alchy who has to worry about her complexion is easy, think again. It’s enough just to worry about being fired or arrested or having sex with David Spade on accident. Now you have to worry about covering your whiteheads before a Vogue shoot? I’d turn directly to heroin. It’s a natural appetite suppressant and outside of the sallow skin and the dead eyes, your smooth as a naked cat. Until you quit and your body turns into one giant scab. But quitters never win.

Seems sensible enough.
Photo Credit: AKM-GSI

Rihanna Posts Bikini Photo To Twitter

By Lex August 27, 2014 @ 10:07 AM

Rihanna Posts Bikini Photo To Twitter

Photo Credit: Rihanna/Twitter, Instagram

Rihanna Wants Her Own Stalker

By Matt August 21, 2014 @ 10:58 AM

RIRIRIRI

Some guy hung around outside of Rihanna’s house for three hours before he was scared off by a security guard. The cops caught the guy and since hanging around outside an auto-tuned pop singer’s house is not illegal they made some shit up and charged him with vandalism. The police think the guy is just a random petty criminal but Rihanna’s security guards claim he is a stalker. I’m going to trust the cops over the guys who tried to be cops and were denied based on background checks and the inability to run a flight of stairs. Claiming every sketchy asshole to be a stalker is definitely self serving publicity wise. The guy who stole the generator out of my garage at three in the morning was probably totally obsessed with me. He just wanted something of mine and is probably jerking off to it right now. I can’t change what happened but I’ve been leaving my keys in the car so I can make some new fans.

Photo Credit: Instagram 

Rihanna Touches Herself for the Children

By Lex August 20, 2014 @ 11:59 AM

Rihanna-Touches-Herself-on-Instagram
Rihanna is making waves again. I don’t know, people say that. This time it’s not for singing tracks into a computer for re-assembly, but for sticking her paw into her pants on Twitter. She captioned the photo “school. kills” which is something not quite as provocatively inane as watching Rihanna finger her vagina through her transparent weed and cigarettes shorts. Rihanna’s public relations are run mostly by she and her buddies getting wicked fucking high and thinking of stupid things to do on the Internet that will get even stupider people like me to…. fuck.

Photo Credit: Pacific Coast News, FameFlynet

Rihanna Goes Braless

By Lex August 11, 2014 @ 10:02 AM

Rihanna Goes Braless Leaving Giorgio Baldi Restaurant In Santa Monica LB
Rihanna and Eminem are tearing it up. I read that on some kid’s review of their Monster Tour which already started in Los Angeles. It wasn’t a profound review, but at least it wasn’t tainted by music industry ad dollars. At some point next week the mini-tour heads to Detroit where the duo will likely be swallowed up in the third world malaise that swirls around the Motor City like a dust cloud. They’re pretty big stars so I imagine the Detroit City Police Department will task RoboCop with scouring the 80,000 abandoned buildings in the city in search of Rihanna’s elaborate nose ring. You never know what you’ve got until it’s gone, so stare at Rihanna’s tits now.

Photo Credit: Pacific Coast News, Splash

Rihanna Is The Devil And Shit Around The Web

By Jack August 06, 2014 @ 11:58 AM

Screen Shot 2014-08-06 at 2.43.48 PM

Canadian douche rapper Drake put up a picture of his ex-girlfriend Rihanna with the numbers 666 superimposed on her badger face during one of his shitty concerts. Rappers have basically become the guys who can’t let go of office romances gone bad so they’re eternal dicks about it until somebody has to quit.

Look into the face of the beast. (Huffington Post)

Valerie Van Der Graaf looks all hot writhing around in a bed. (Drunken Stepfather)

Cristina de Pin and her ridiculous booty hang out on the beach. (Hollywood Tuna)

So, Katy Perry is a witch now and is casting love spells. (Dlisted)

Do you want to see Juliana Mueller wearing lingerie in a barn? (Popoholic)

I have been staring at these gifs of Alison Brie’s tits bouncing for the last half hour. (The Chive)

Ana Braga has some big old titty balls. (The Superficial)

(Image Via Instagram)