Rihanna’s New Fragrance Smells Like Bad Sex

By Lex November 26, 2014 @ 12:59 PM


Nobody understands the aroma of rogue love better than Rihanna. It might smell like the back of Chris Brown’s hand or the taste of a Barbados fishing charter boat deck after too many mojitos and Strawberry Cough, but mostly to Rihanna, it smells like:

…that moment when love first hits you with a wild rush that goes through your whole body, A mixture of fresh citrus and succulent peach with juicy berries.

I’ve ever experienced that kind of fruit-filled sensual rush before. Though I’ve come close while erotically perusing a farmer’s market with Emmanuelle in Bangkok.  Rogue Love is so complex, it requires yet another paragraph of overwrought description:

The scent is likened to the fluttering of the love-struck heartbeat with layers upon layers of lush, rich florals. The petals are a radiant texture with vibrant colors of honeysuckle, jasmine and orchid splashed with the simply irresistible seduction of coconut”

I’m from the northern climates so I’m going to assume I can substitute the seductive scent of moldy keg lines and Frank’s Hot Sauce for coconuts when tapping the erotic memories in my own hippocampus.  I’m not sure who buys this shit at $70 a pop, but I’m guessing it’s the millions and millions of people I like to pretend don’t run this planet because we can’t possibly be that naive.

Rihanna Oiled Up for Esquire

By Lex November 04, 2014 @ 1:23 PM

It simply shouldn’t be that hard to find famous foreign chicks with loose morals to coat in baby oil and get half naked for the cameras. We used to have a dozen or more magazines that did precisely that. Everybody got drunk and high and shot fun pictures and men leered the results. Now everybody’s got a sensitive vagina, including half the men. You can’t leer anymore. I wish I could travel back in time to a simpler age when men were men and died early from untreated syphilis. Better to burn out than fade away. Leppard forever. Fuck yeah.

Photo credit: Esquire Magazine

Rihanna Goes Topless For Elle Magazine

By Lex November 04, 2014 @ 8:35 AM

Rihanna Goes Topless For Elle Magazine

Photo Credit: Elle

Rihanna Wears See Through Dress With No Bra At Miami Airport

By Lex October 10, 2014 @ 7:47 AM

Rihanna Wears See Through Dress With No Bra At Miami Airport

Photo Credit: INF

Rihanna Braless At LAX

By Lex October 01, 2014 @ 7:53 AM

Rihanna Braless At LAX

Photo Credit: PacificCoastNews, FameFlynet

Rihanna, the NFL, and Face Punching: The Real Story

By Matt September 17, 2014 @ 8:23 AM


The NFL’s Three Stooges stop motion scramble to cover its ass in the wake of the Ray Rice scandal involved some buffoonery with using a Rihanna song in the new pre game show. The NFL apparently planned to use the song as a tie in to the domestic violence elephant in their guilt laden repentance tinged opening. They put out a press release advertising the former punching bag’s involvement in the show.

“CBS & NFL Network ‘Run This Town’ for Thursday Night Football Open with Music Featuring Rihanna & Narration by Don Cheadle.”

Rihanna’s people felt this was exploitive because her involvement was limited to background music, and it was obvious the NFL was involved in some ham fisted PR bullshit so juvenile it was most likely conceived of under some bleachers. According to them, Rihanna’s label didn’t grant the rights to use the song because of this.

“Due to the misuse and misrepresentation of Rihanna’s name and participation in connection to CBS TNF, CBS was not allowed to license and utilize the song ‘Run This Town.’ Roc Nation made the decision to not grant the song’s usage.”

The NFL responded by pretending to voluntarily exclude the song from the show, insinuating that they did it in good taste, which is the same reason they wanted to use the song before they were not able to. Basically the NFL thinks they run our cultural landscape like Kim Jong un rules North Korea. If he misses a putt, someone will either move the green or tap it in when he’s not looking. Surely they are onto the fact that we all know they are lying and twisting everything, and still have no choice but to watch football. Its called a dictatorship. Rihanna should be pissed, although she doesn’t mind being taken advantage of and will quickly wash away the pain by banging a strange man with sideburns on a yacht.

Photo Credit: Instagram