I Think Shakira And Rihanna Are Having Sex

By Lex January 31, 2014 @ 4:45 PM

Shakira And Rihanna In Lingerie In The Music Video 'Can't Remember to Forget You'
Seeing a black chick and a midget get it on has been on my bucket list for just about forever. I’ve seen lots of diversity at the lesbian make-out rallies I attend hoping someday somebody there won’t look exactly like Camryn Manheim, but this is a new combo for me. Shakira and Rihanna are getting it on in support of whatever crappy song comes next. It’s the natural extension of these pop girls shaking their asses and being naked with tigers and the shit they’ve been doing to help you pay less attention to the music. Even girls are going to get randy when they’re naked with tigers. Shakira is from Colombia and Rihanna is from Barbados, so as always, you still have to go international to see hot lesbo shit on American TV.

Rihanna Smokes the Dank With a Skank

By Lex January 23, 2014 @ 4:04 PM

Rihanna Smokes With A Friend In Bikinis In Brazil
With that inked up paw of hers, Rihanna is starting to look like the Maori pimp master. I like that Rihana doesn’t give a fuck and posts photos of her titties or her smoking weed or having sex with coconut trees. It would be super annoying if she wasn’t a decent looking chick, but she is, so it’s fun to watch her rebel with fifty mill in the bank shtick. Still, you don’t want to make your public feel like Thor Heyerdahl drifting endlessly across the Pacific only to wind up on Polynesian rape island. Class this shit up with a Vader glove, Ri-Ri.

Photo Credit: Rihanna/Instagram

Rihanna Is a Visual Storyteller

By Lex January 21, 2014 @ 1:29 PM

Rihanna Posts Bikini Photos To Instagram In Brazil
Rihanna is not merely a legendary singer of inspiring house party music, he’s also a transformative visual artist. Employing her own body as a canvas, Rihanna is painting the story of a girl from a small island nation who would leave her homeland in search of other, bigger islands where she could score some killer weed and show off her titties. Her tattoos are like elfin songs of great weed finding and tit showing adventures in Middle Earth. Somewhere in her body language is the story of banging Matt Kemp before he sullied his peter on Khloe Kardashian. And taking a smite from Chris Brown’s tiny angry hands. I think it’s illustrated close to her taint so you might have to wait until she shifts her legs to read the end of that chapter.

Photo Credit: Rihanna/Instagram

Rihanna In A Thong Monokini Under A Waterfall In Brazil

By Lex January 20, 2014 @ 12:23 PM

Rihanna In A Thong Monokini Under A Waterfall In Brazil

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI

Rihanna Nipples Might Still Have a Thing for Chris Brown

By Lex January 14, 2014 @ 6:13 PM

Rihanna Braless Exiting A Helicopter In Brazil
Rihanna’s new duet with Colombian midget Shakira, Can’t Remember to Forget You, might be about how she still has strong feelings for Chris Brown. That lovable little scamp. Girls who like to dismiss the abusive woman-hitting parts of angry Chris Brown because he’s adorable and can dance are pining over how Rihanna might still have a thing for her ex. This is all because of lyrics in the new song:

I go back again / Fall off the train / Land in his bed.

These fawning fans might be reading into the uniqueness of the lyrics just a bit, you know, considering every single song ever by a female artist is about a boy she can’t give up. Well, except for the Indigo Girls, then it was about a girl they couldn’t give up. Also, while Rihanna is listed as a writer on the song, she’s credited with six writers in total, because sometimes it takes a village to create such genius. So there’s a good chance the song itself isn’t even about her at all. ┬áMaybe if it read Stumble high out of my private jet / Find myself in his Malibu clinic bed I’d be more inclined to see the connection.

Here’s Rihanna braless stepping off a helicopter in Brazil. It might be a super romantic secret message to Chris Brown.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI

Rihanna Looks Like a Cocktail Ad

By Lex December 30, 2013 @ 1:26 PM

Rihanna Sips A Cocktail In A Gold Bikini At The Beach In Barbados
Now, we’re easing into the home vacation. A little drinky poo and Rihanna’s in a tight bikini with her ass in the air signaling boats to come visit her island nation home. Sometimes, you need the warm waters of the Caribbean to lap over your privates to inspire the next amazing song somebody else is going to write for you. Jimmy Buffet dangled his nads in the waters off Key West, and, blammo, along came a catchy song sort of like the last one. If Mozart hadn’t been landlocked, he too would’ve had composed with a tidal colonic. Rihanna is deep thinking. Don’t startle her or we may lose a masterwork.

Photo Credit: AKM-GSI, Splash