By Lex January 14, 2014 @ 6:13 PM
Rihanna’s new duet with Colombian midget Shakira, Can’t Remember to Forget You, might be about how she still has strong feelings for Chris Brown. That lovable little scamp. Girls who like to dismiss the abusive woman-hitting parts of angry Chris Brown because he’s adorable and can dance are pining over how Rihanna might still have a thing for her ex. This is all because of lyrics in the new song:
I go back again / Fall off the train / Land in his bed.
These fawning fans might be reading into the uniqueness of the lyrics just a bit, you know, considering every single song ever by a female artist is about a boy she can’t give up. Well, except for the Indigo Girls, then it was about a girl they couldn’t give up. Also, while Rihanna is listed as a writer on the song, she’s credited with six writers in total, because sometimes it takes a village to create such genius. So there’s a good chance the song itself isn’t even about her at all. Maybe if it read Stumble high out of my private jet / Find myself in his Malibu clinic bed I’d be more inclined to see the connection.
Here’s Rihanna braless stepping off a helicopter in Brazil. It might be a super romantic secret message to Chris Brown.
Photo Credit: AKM-GSI
By Lex December 30, 2013 @ 1:26 PM
Now, we’re easing into the home vacation. A little drinky poo and Rihanna’s in a tight bikini with her ass in the air signaling boats to come visit her island nation home. Sometimes, you need the warm waters of the Caribbean to lap over your privates to inspire the next amazing song somebody else is going to write for you. Jimmy Buffet dangled his nads in the waters off Key West, and, blammo, along came a catchy song sort of like the last one. If Mozart hadn’t been landlocked, he too would’ve had composed with a tidal colonic. Rihanna is deep thinking. Don’t startle her or we may lose a masterwork.
Photo Credit: AKM-GSI, Splash
By Lex December 27, 2013 @ 5:19 PM
Rihanna usually gets pretty naked when she gets back in her home country of Barbados. Based on the fact that she’s still dressed like the awkard stepsister with pouch issues can only be explained by the lack of THC and booze in her system. She must’ve just got there. Give it time.
Photo Credit: Splash
By Travis December 24, 2013 @ 12:00 PM
Like clockwork, Rihanna posted some pictures of her wearing revealing outfits to her Instagram, because God forbid she doesn’t reveal her tits and ass for 20 minutes out of the day. This time Rihanna and her friend were feeling “naughty” and I’m pretty sure that she even invited everyone to put it in her butt. All in all, it’s pretty much what we’ve come to expect from Rihanna these days, which means that it’s only a matter of hours before Miley Cyrus rips it off and claims that it was her very own edgy idea to wear red lingerie on Christmas.
By Lex December 19, 2013 @ 2:02 PM
Where does Rihanna fit in? She’s not as skanky as Miley, not as pure teen friendly as Katy Perry, she lacks the talent and ass of Beyonce, and unlike Lady Gaga, if you hooked up with her and your friends asked you where you were last night, you wouldn’t say ‘nowhere’ and try to change the subject. Rihanna just doesn’t fit in. I’d feel sorry for her if she hadn’t made more money last year than the Gross Domestic Product of her home country. She also has spectacular tits. Most women would tell you their life was made full and complete by love and friendship and family and shit like that. But there’s not a one of them that wouldn’t trade that in for $100 million and some spectacular tits. Don’t believe Oprah’s lies.
Photo Credit: Splash
By Lex November 18, 2013 @ 3:28 PM
Drake and his late night strip club date, Rihanna, and his posse of twelve dudes who follow him around to falsely compliment him, spent upwards of 100 grand of cash at a Houston strip mall strip club. One of the strippers claims the couple was ‘nice’ and Rihanna even gave her inspiration to pursue who singing career while slapping her ass. I guess I can’t judge Rihanna for being like every other dude I’ve ever gone to a strip club with. For his part, Drake’s hired friends decided it would be a good idea to film each other at the strip club throwing huge amounts of cash around. Then film the girls backstage counting all their cash, you know, just to give some low hanging fruit to the local IRS office. It’d be easy to lament the gratuitous amounts of cash wasted by a pair of young knucklehead singers, but I’d rather look at the glass half full and call it one fortunate evening to have chosen whoring over dental hygienist school.
Photo Credit: Splash