Rihanna Goes Braless to Celebrate Chris Brown’s Release

By Lex June 03, 2014 @ 11:48 AM

Rihanna Goes Braless In A Sheer Dress To The 2014 CFDA Fashion Awards In New York

Chris Brown was let out of jail after serving eleven minutes of his one year sentence due to prison overcrowding and a tacit understanding that the world is just more fun when Chris Brown is out there throwing punches. Chris thanked God and his lawyers and said he was getting back to his fans and the music, which is code for weed and ordering his bodyguards to beat up strangers. Across the country in New York, Rihanna instinctively had her tits on display to serve as a beacon for Chris’ sexually charged driving directions app. The two will mate and produce a cluster of fertilized eggs Rihanna will lay deep beneath the nightclub where Chris first asked her to be his top bitch. This apocalyptic prophecy is all written down in Chris and Rihanna’s songs, if anybody would just be willing to listen.

Photo Credit: Getty, FameFlynet

Rihanna And Charlie Sheen Aren’t Friends

By Travis May 27, 2014 @ 10:00 AM

Rihanna takes very mean looking selfies

Charlie Sheen still believes that he’s one of the most important people in the world, so if he walks into a restaurant and sees another celebrity that his fiancée, Brett Rossi, wants to meet, that celebrity better fucking comply, or else he will let them feel his wrath. Rihanna was the latest example last week, because even though Charlie claimed he had no clue who Rihanna was at the time, he “sent a request” to her table for a meeting, because that’s what his latest future ex-wife wanted for her birthday. Rihanna declined and the rest is one ridiculous twitter rant for the ages.

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Drake Is Simply The Boy Who Loves Too Much

By Travis May 20, 2014 @ 10:00 AM

Drake is on again off again with every woman

Last week, rapper Drake and his on again/off again girlfriend Rihanna reportedly ended things again because he “loves her too much,” which is the sort of thing that is said about a guy before he’s sent away to prison for sawing a woman’s head off and filling her skull with his own hair. And because he loves Rihanna too much, Drake is already back together with his other on again/off again girlfriend, Brandy Price, which makes her look like she just took the door off the hinges and told the mopiest rapper in the game to stop by any time that he wants to post her photo on Instagram. In a week or so, Drake will realize that he kisses Brandy too gently and needs to move on to another of his former girlfriends, and hopefully he’ll eventually meet the right woman who lives just on the other side of a really busy highway.

Rihanna Puts Her Titties in Donald Sterling’s Face

By Lex May 16, 2014 @ 2:49 PM

I had to stop paying attention to Donald Sterling after hearing about V. Stiviano and his crinkled peen. It’s like walking in on your parents having sex, if your dad is 80 and your mom is a young Mexican hooker wearing a dental hygienists visor. But Rihanna isn’t aborting her civil rights vigilance. Sometimes, it’s easy to forget the role celebrities play in advancing important social causes through both re-Tweets and attending George Clooney birthday parties. Rihanna is a proud black woman and if Donald Sterling doesn’t want black people at his games, I mean, he didn’t say that, but let’s assume he did, then how about Rihanna without a bra showing off her tits courtside. Eat that crow on a Magic Johnson The AIDS contaminated plate, Donald. Rihanna’s tits are the Rosa Parks of tits. That doesn’t make sense. Neither does racism.

Photo credit: Getty / Splash

Rihanna’s Instagram Shutdown For Too Much Titty

By Lex May 09, 2014 @ 2:26 PM

Rihanna In A Bikini
If there’s one thing Mark Zuckerberg can’t abide it’s nipples. Big old ripe areola on the ends of female breasts. It drives him into an Aspy billionaire panic. He so much as a sees a nipple, and he starts batch emailing the private records of hundreds of millions of his users to the NSA with a short note, ‘Internment camps? I won’t tell’. You can get away with a lot of vicious scummy self-destructive behavior on Facebook and Instagram, but you show a nipple and you are gone. Instagram warned Rihanna to cut back on the titty flashing pics, she posted more, and they put her account on hold. Then, they remembered she was Rihanna and restored it and pretended like nothing happened:

Yesterday, we briefly disabled the account by mistake and restored it quickly. I can confirm that we have not deleted the account subsequently,” Alison Schumer of Instagram’s public relations team.

Well, Alison, we all have to pay the rent so I can’t fault you for being the shill they made lie. Remember, when you meet Zuckerberg at the annual employee’s picnic, soft handshakes bad. Also, wear a padded bra.

Photo Credit: Rihanna/Instagram

Rihanna Is Ready to Ass Party

By Lex May 06, 2014 @ 12:35 PM

Rihanna Shows Off Her Butt In A Low Cut Dress At Her Met Gala After Party In New York

People who focus on Rihanna’s shitty music and taste in boyfriends ought to consider focusing on her ass a bit more. I find it’s a great technique for discovering the positive in people. Rihanna changed out of her semi low cut dress at the Met Gala to one that flashed half her bare crack for the after-party so she could be the most popular girl at the really fucking expensive prom. Shit like that is so obvious, yet always works. I bet tons of people told her how amazing she looked. I would’ve dropped a couple coins down her slot, climbed on board, and waited for her to start bouncing. That’s why I never get invited to these kinds of parties.

Photo Credit: Splash, AKM-GSI