Always the classiest lady at the party, Rihanna left her hotel in London yesterday looking like she stole the curtains from a restaurant at Epcot and showing off her new gift from Vivienne Westwood – a purse with a giant gold penis on the side. Naturally, because she doesn’t give a shit, Rihanna held the purse in front of her crotch and behaved like men typically do, by sticking her tongue and waving her penis around. Of course, she left out the part where we blow a load and fall asleep. Nice try, Rihanna, but no points for accuracy.
(Photo Credits: Rihanna’s Instagram)
I like when people have problems but declare them null and void because they ‘own them’. Fat people do this a lot. Their rotund carcasses barely contained in elastic pants like an enormous human sausage. But they own that shit, so it’s a bad thing turned on its head. It’s actually a good thing. I bet Rihanna owns being beat by Chris Brown and then going back to him. You can’t touch her on that one. She owns it. It’s like immunity. The only thing more powerful than owning, is confessing. Once you confess to something, people just forgive the shit out of you. Doing something lousy and then confessing to it is better than not having even done it in the first place. Confess in public, with a tear even, that’s equal to owning shit and confessing to the exponential of fourteen. You can literally get away with murder, or sexting random fat chicks, provided those girls own the fact that their fat. Otherwise, the whole bullshit house of cards implodes and you’re back to just being somebody with a big fucking problem.
Photo Credit: Splash
Rihanna posted a picture of her ass on Instagram when her alarm went off indicating that nobody had been talking about her for over an hour. It’s not as bad as a couple years back when she found out nobody had been talking about her for an entire weekend so she got Chris Brown to punch her in the face. If she’s ever out of the spotlight for more than ten days, watch out for a school shooting.
Photo Credit: Rihanna/Instagram